Why do people bully people at work? 5 tips for dealing with bullies

Key Takeaways

Workplace bullying is a pattern of purposeful, repeated behavior that’s intended to harm someone. It typically happens when there’s an imbalance of power between the bully and the victim.

Sometimes, bullying is obvious. But in the workplace, it can often be harder to detect. Familiarizing yourself with some common forms of workplace bullying can help you identify it.

If you’re on the receiving end of workplace bullying, there are some steps you can take to keep yourself safe. Document the behavior, seek support, talk to your supervisor, and prioritize self-care. If necessary, you can file a formal complaint.

In the past, most people thought of bullying as something that took place on the playground, affecting mostly kids and teens. But we now know that people of all ages can be bullies — including adults in the workplace. Bullying is mostly likely to happen in environments where toxic behavior is normalized or where there’s an unhealthy power imbalance.

Fortunately, more people are becoming aware of its harmful effects, and some states are introducing legislation to address abusive work environments. If you’re concerned about bullying at work, it’s important to learn to recognize it and explore ways to address it so that you can keep yourself and others safe.

Identifying bullying in the workplace

Part of learning to identify bullying in the workplace is understanding what it is not. Everyone has bad days and makes mistakes sometimes. You might sleep through your alarm, get stuck in traffic, and show up late to work. Tired and frustrated with yourself, your tone with your coworkers might not be as patient or kind as it typically is. Or maybe one day you accidentally say something that hurts a colleague’s feelings. But later, you take responsibility, make amends, and learn from the experience.

These one-time examples of problematic behavior are not necessarily bullying. They could still cause harm and should be addressed. But bullying is something that happens over and over again. It’s a pattern of purposely hurtful behavior enacted by someone with more power than their victim. Sometimes, this power is physical. A larger, stronger person can intimidate a smaller person due to their body size. But in the workplace, this power is often less visible.

Our employment is tied to our ability to meet our most basic human needs. So in the typical workplace hierarchy, leaders and managers have power over subordinate employees’ livelihoods. They can hire and fire people, assign extra duties, or make an “example” of someone they don’t like. In unhealthy workplace cultures, bullies may leverage this dynamic to harm and exploit people.

Bullying in the workplace can take a toll on victims’ health and well-being. And it can even negatively affect the workplace and company as a whole. Bullying has been shown to increase rates of stress and burnout and make it hard for employers to attract and retain top talent.

Examples of workplace bullying

Sometimes, bullying is easy to spot. For example, if someone in your workplace is constantly shouting at or berating their team, it would be hard to miss. But bullying in the workplace can be subtle and hard to detect.

Some less obvious examples of workplace bullying might include:

Excluding people from projects
Ignoring people’s efforts or contributions
Taking credit for others’ work
Spreading lies or rumors
Assigning an unmanageable amount of work
Showing favoritism or treating someone unfairly
Denying someone promotions or opportunities to advance, even when deserved
Mocking or making fun of someone, either in person or behind their back

Keep in mind that, given the rise of remote work, these behaviors can take place even if you aren’t in the same physical space as your colleagues. Bullies can use technology to disparage, harass, or intimidate someone. This is called workplace cyberbullying, and research shows that it’s incredibly damaging to employee well-being.

Why do people bully?

Research shows that most bullies have been bullied themselves or were exposed to traumatic events, often in childhood. Without support, these experiences may lead someone to continue to engage in bullying in adulthood. In the workplace, they may use bullying to seek power and control. They may struggle with jealousy, anger, or insecurity and may bully others as a way of feeling superior.

These individual factors contribute to bullying in the workplace. But there are often organizational issues at play too. Research shows that organizational climate — especially one that ignores, tolerates, or promotes toxic behavior — can contribute to workplace bullying.

Five tips for dealing with bullies at work

Now that you know more about what causes workplace bullying and the forms it can take, you might be wondering how to deal with it.

As a general note: remember that your safety is important and you know your workplace better than anyone else. So as you review the following tips, keep in mind that some may not work for you and your situation. Only take steps that feel safe for you.

Here are tips for dealing with bullying at work:

Practice assertive communication. Assertive communication involves speaking in a strong, clear voice and letting the bully know that you will not tolerate their behavior. This is not to be confused with aggressive communication, which can include shouting, threats, or insults.
Surround yourself with support. Think about the colleagues you trust and feel safe with. Consider sharing your experience with them and asking for their support. Remember, there’s strength in numbers, and talking about your experience can help you feel less alone.
Talk to your manager or supervisor. Of course, this is not recommended if this person is the bully. But if you feel safe with your manager or supervisor and you haven’t been able to get the bullying to stop on your own, talking to someone in leadership can help.
Boost your emotional resilience. In an ideal world, no one would ever have to put up with workplace bullying. But in reality, many people cannot immediately quit their jobs, even when the environment is negatively affecting their mental health. If this is the case for you, nurturing your well-being with self-care and improving your coping skills is critical. You may also want to consider getting professional mental health support from a therapist.
Look for a new job. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for your health and well-being is to leave an unhealthy workplace. If this is an option for you, it’s OK to change jobs if you’re being bullied at work.

How to report bullying at work

If you’re experiencing bullying at work, one of your options is to document and report it. Of course, whether this is the right option depends on whether you feel safe doing so. So use your best judgment, and do what feels best for you.

If you decide to report what’s happening, there are a few steps you can take.

Document the bullying

If you’re the victim of bullying or you witness it occurring with someone else, document it. However, you may not want to do this on a work computer or network due to privacy concerns. Write down who was involved, what happened, and when it happened. While documentation doesn’t take the place of speaking up, it can be helpful if you decide to make a formal complaint. Since bullying, by definition, is a repeated behavior, demonstrating a pattern will be important in making a report.

Review your organization’s policies

If you need further help dealing with a bully at work, review your organization’s policies to see if they have a process for reporting bullying or harassment. Depending on the nature of the bullying and who is involved, it may or may not feel safe to speak with your human resources (HR) department or direct supervisor about your concerns. Remember, you don’t have to speak to anyone who you feel could make the situation worse.

If needed, seek outside support

For outside support, you can contact the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC). If you’ve experienced discrimination due to your age, race, sexual orientation, gender identity, or disability status, you can file a charge of discrimination on their website. However, you may wish to speak with an employment lawyer to get additional information about your rights.

Find care with Rula

Bullying can affect people of all ages, and it can happen in many different environments, including the workplace. This pattern of repeated, purposeful behavior is designed to hurt or intimidate someone else. Bullying can take a toll on employee mental health and workplace culture. So if you’ve been affected by workplace bullying, know that you’re not alone and it’s OK to ask for help.

With Rula, you can quickly and easily find a therapist who takes your insurance. And thanks to our extensive provider network, you can schedule your first appointment as soon as tomorrow.