Why you can’t remember your childhood: Trauma and memory development

Can you recall your earliest memory? If so, was it before the age of three? If you answered no and no, you’re not alone. While some people have clear memories from their early days, many people struggle to recall much of their formative years by the time they become adults.

Often, our limited recollections are based on normal memory development. But for some people, suppressed or fragmented memories may be the result of childhood trauma. If you think you have unresolved trauma, learn how and why the brain disconnects from painful childhood memories so that you can begin your healing journey.

Is it normal to not remember your childhood?

Most people have very few memories before the age of 3, with limited recollections even until the age of 10. Experts believe this is because of something called childhood amnesia. Childhood amnesia refers to an adult’s inability to recall early episodic memories, meaning memories of specific people, things, and events. 

Childhood amnesia is considered a normal part of brain development. One reason is because the hippocampus, the part of the brain responsible for creating and storing long-term memories, isn’t fully developed in children. Language and cognitive development may also play a role. For example, when children are unable to effectively talk about their experiences or process their surroundings, it can be difficult to form lasting memories.

It’s worth noting that your ability to recall specific memories decreases with time. And in some cases, you might remember an event but be fuzzy on the details. One study found that people commonly misremember their age with specific memories. For example, they might remember going on a family vacation but recall it happening a year or more later than it did. 

Is not remembering your childhood a sign of trauma?

Not being able to recall parts of your life can feel strange. After all, those memories and moments are part of what makes you the person you are today. While having some memory gaps is a normal part of development, struggling to remember specific events or periods of your life may indicate a deeper issue, like childhood trauma.

Childhood trauma is any dangerous, violent, or extremely distressing event that affects a person before they turn 18. Examples of childhood trauma include: 

• Emotional abuse
• Physical abuse
• Sexual abuse
• Emotional neglect
• Physical neglect
• Parental separation or divorce
• Household physical violence
• Unhealthy substance use in the household
• Household mental health conditions or suicide attempts

Childhood trauma or abuse can affect the way people’s brains process and store memories. When someone experiences trauma, their brain may try to protect them by suppressing the distressing memory and associated emotions. Some people respond by blocking out the trauma, while others dissociate (mentally detach) from the memory.

The type of trauma may also impact the quality of a person’s memory. There was a recent study on the link between childhood sexual abuse and autobiographical memory loss. The researchers found that three things had a direct effect on the extent of people’s childhood memory loss: how long the abuse lasted, feeling betrayed by the person perpetrating the abuse, and dissociative amnesia.

What other factors impact memory?

Not all missing memories are related to childhood trauma. In fact, there are several factors that impact people’s ability to recall memories, ranging from their first memories to more recent ones. 

One study found that the average age of earliest memory is influenced by various sociocultural factors, including a person’s culture, nationality, home environment, birth order, and gender. Other data suggests that the way people are asked to recall their earliest memory can influence how far back they can remember.

Other reasons why you may struggle to remember things include: 

• Dementia and other cognitive issues 
• Mental health issues, like anxiety or depression
• Stress and burnout
• Regular forgetfulness

How to recover childhood memories

If you’re interested in trying to recover early memories, there are several tips to help you take that walk down memory lane. 

• Look at photos and videos from your childhood.
• Try to engage with other sensory triggers — like sounds, scents, and music — to help evoke childhood memories.
• Visit familiar locations from your childhood, like your old neighborhood or elementary school.
• Talk with childhood friends and family who may remember stories and shared experiences.
• Try brain exercises to improve your memory and cognitive functions. (This might not bring back childhood memories, but it can improve your ability to retain memories moving forward.)

If you suspect that your missing memories involve instances of abuse, trauma, or neglect, consider exploring them with a mental health professional. When left unmanaged, childhood trauma can lead to mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Talk therapy, like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), offers people a safe space to address painful memories, process trauma, and develop healthier coping strategies to manage mental health symptoms.

Find care with Rula

It’s perfectly normal to have limited or fuzzy memories from the first few years of your life. But if you’re having trouble recalling specific details or events from later in childhood or your teen years, you may want to consider mental health support. In some cases, fragmented or suppressed memories are the result of childhood trauma.

At Rula, our therapist matching tool will help you find a therapist who takes your insurance, is accepting new clients, and can help you address any underlying mental health concerns. And with more than 10,000 providers in our network, you can be seen as soon as tomorrow.   

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