Life before, during, and after unmasking autism

Masking is when people conceal or alter natural behaviors, traits, or preferences to meet societal expectations or avoid stigma. This strategy is often used by autistic people — especially women and those who identify as LGBTQ+ — to fit in at school, at work, and in social situations. Common masking behaviors include imitating facial expressions, forcing eye contact, and rehearsing conversations. 

This may not sound like a big deal, but these efforts can be exhausting for people with autism. Regardless of whether masking is subconscious or intentional, it can lead to mental health concerns like anxiety, depression, and burnout. The good news is that unmasking is possible with the right resources and support. 

Why do people with autism mask?

Autism is a type of neurodivergence. This means that autistic people process information differently than neurotypical people. And while autism comes with many strengths and abilities, it can also impact your ability to communicate and relate to other people.

It’s common for adults with autism to struggle with new social situations, expressing their emotions, and understanding other people’s thoughts and feelings. As a result, some autistic people copy other people’s behaviors to “mask” their autistic traits.

Common reasons why autistic people mask include:

• To feel accepted 
• To avoid bullying, discrimination, or social rejection 
• To make and maintain relationships
• To hide their discomfort with overwhelming situations
• To increase their chances of employment and other opportunities 
• To compensate for other people’s limited understanding of autism
• To avoid negative attention or punishment

Why hiding autistic traits can be harmful

Masking can take a toll on your health and overall well-being. To start, if you hide your autistic traits, you may not be diagnosed with autism until later in life. This means you could spend years not realizing there’s a specific reason why you think, feel, and act the way you do.

For many people, suppressing their true nature can cause loneliness, low self-esteem, and an unstable sense of self. Masking can also be exhausting, leading to mental and physical burnout. It may even be associated with an increased risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors,* according to some research. 

*The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline provides 24/7, confidential support with trained crisis counselors. If you or a loved one is in emotional distress or a suicidal crisis, please call or text 988. If you’re experiencing a life-threatening emergency or you need immediate help, please call 911.

Five tips for your unmasking journey 

Unmasking is the process of embracing your unique qualities and inviting others to understand and accept you for who you are. Unmasking can be intimidating, but here are five tips to make the process a bit more manageable. 

1. Practice self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is a commitment to yourself. It means accepting your thoughts, feelings, and emotions without trying to change or control them.
2. Focus on what brings you joy. Take some time to reflect on your passions, values, and goals. Instead of trying to meet other people’s expectations, focus on what matters most to you. 
3. Set healthy boundaries. Make this process as comfortable as possible by setting clear boundaries for yourself and others. For example, maybe you put a limit on how long you stay at an event or schedule time to recover after social interactions.
4. Connect with other autistic people. If possible, spend time with other people who have autism. This is a chance to be your authentic self in a safe setting and maybe even discover tips for unmasking around neurotypical people. 
5. Be your own advocate. Some people mask because they’re uncomfortable in certain settings or don’t want to inconvenience other people. Next time you feel this way, consider using the moment as an opportunity to voice your needs or educate others about autism. 

How therapy can help with self-acceptance

Autism exists on a spectrum, so each person experiences the condition in their own unique way. For many people, therapy can help them better understand their symptoms and how to improve their day-to-day functioning. 

Therapy can also show you how to address the root cause of your behavior. Masking is often associated with feelings of deep shame, which can be difficult to overcome without professional support. Talk therapy — such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) — is an effective way to address those feelings while learning to cultivate greater self-acceptance. It can also help you develop healthier coping skills for challenging situations and overwhelming emotions. 

Applied behavioral analysis (ABA) is another type of therapy that’s considered effective for autism. ABA is often associated with children, but it’s also used to encourage positive behaviors in adults. ABA promotes social, cognitive, and communication skills — which may instill people with the confidence they need to unmask. 

Find care with Rula

People with neurodivergent conditions like autism have their own unique blend of strengths, abilities, and challenges — and that’s something to celebrate. If you’re ready to be your authentic self but aren’t sure how to start, Rula can help. 

Rula understands how important it is to find the right therapist for your needs. Our therapist-matching program is designed to streamline the search so you can find a provider who takes your insurance, is accepting new clients, and understands how to support your unique needs. With Rula, you can have access to personalized, collaborative care as soon as tomorrow.

Find a therapist with Rula