Key Takeaways
- While there’s no right or wrong way to deal with stress or emotional discomfort, there is a difference between healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
- Unhealthy coping mechanisms — like excessive drinking, using your phone to avoid social engagement, or repressing your emotions — might provide some short-term relief. But they tend to make problems worse in the long run.
- If you’re engaging in unhealthy coping strategies, know that change is possible. Once you’ve identified the behaviors you want to change, you can begin experimenting with new, healthier coping mechanisms.
Coping mechanisms are ways of dealing with stress or emotional discomfort. While there’s no right or wrong way to process uncomfortable emotions, there’s a difference between healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Unhealthy coping mechanisms can take many forms. Whether someone engages in chronic gambling, self-harming behaviors, excessive gaming, or social avoidance, the reason for unhealthy coping mechanisms is a basic, human desire to relieve discomfort.
While unhealthy coping mechanisms might provide some short-term relief, they can actually make your problems worse in the long run. Fortunately, you can learn to manage stress more effectively and adopt healthy coping skills that support your well-being.
What are unhealthy coping mechanisms?
No matter who you are or where you live, stress is an inevitable part of life. And how you respond to stress can significantly impact your physical and emotional health.
There’s no right or wrong way to manage stress, and everyone has to find the coping tools that work best for them. But there is a difference between healthy and unhealthy coping behaviors.
Left unchecked, unhealthy coping mechanisms can negatively impact your life. They tend to provide some immediate comfort, often in the form of numbing or distraction. But they can have a negative effect over time.
Common unhealthy coping mechanisms include:
- Unhealthy substance use
- Binge eating
- Excessive gaming
- Avoiding certain people, places, or experiences
- Denial
- Self-harm
- Overworking
- Repressing emotions
- Oversleeping
- Excessive exercise
- Excessive phone use
- Skipping work or school
- Binge-watching TV or movies
Engaging in one or more of these behaviors occasionally doesn’t necessarily mean there’s cause for concern. For example, you may take an extra workout class or watch an entire season of your favorite show from time to time. And that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re misusing these behaviors to cope with stress. What matters most is whether these behaviors are negatively affecting your well-being or your ability to live your life.
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Six ways to replace unhealthy coping mechanisms with healthy ones
If unhealthy coping mechanisms have taken a negative toll on your life, you can learn to change your behavior.
Research shows that being able to adapt your coping styles in response to different situations is key to successfully navigating life’s ups and downs. In other words, what helps you cope in one situation might not work in others, and that’s OK. What’s most important is that you develop a varied “menu” of healthy coping skills that you can use when the need arises.
You can use the following tips to help you get started.
1. Increase your awareness
The first step in changing your coping mechanisms is noticing which of your behaviors aren’t working for you. How are your existing coping strategies affecting your life? Which ones tend to make things better? Which ones eventually make things worse?
2. Identify your triggers
Now that you know which behaviors you want to change, think about what triggers them.
What situations cause the most stress? What happens right before you engage in unwanted behaviors? What changes can you make to limit your exposure to triggers?
3. Practice self-compassion
Remember, everyone deserves strategies to help them deal with uncomfortable emotions. The problem isn’t the stress you feel or your desire to regulate anxious feelings. The goal isn’t to get rid of those emotions. Rather, the goal is to find new, healthier ways of coping with them.
4. Build your support network
Research shows that a social support network can help reduce stress and increase resilience. So while it might be hard to open up at first, think about sharing your experience with a trusted friend or loved one. They may have navigated similar challenges and may have new ideas to help you cope.
5. Adopt positive coping strategies
There are many different healthy coping behaviors out there. Some are simple and straightforward, like getting enough sleep and eating balanced meals. Others are a bit more nuanced, like mindfulness or learning to reframe negative thoughts. What’s most important is finding the techniques that work for you and continuing to expand upon them as your needs change.
6. Seek professional help
Sometimes, working with a mental health professional can help you replace unwanted coping behaviors with healthier ones. They can provide a safe, judgment-free space to uncover what’s causing unhealthy behaviors and support you in exploring healthy alternatives.
Why do people form unhealthy coping skills?
All coping mechanisms, even the unhealthy ones, stem from a desire to relieve an internal or external stressor. They can serve to numb, distract, excite, or avoid unwanted emotions or experiences.
Engaging in unhealthy coping behaviors doesn’t make you weak or a failure. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Rather, when viewed in the context of a person’s full set of life experiences, many of these behaviors make a lot of sense.
For example, let’s say you grew up in a high-conflict home. You learned to tune out your parents’ arguing and avoid the situation to protect yourself. This detachment was helpful because it allowed you to keep yourself safe. It also helped you shield yourself from uncomfortable emotions, like fear, anger, or anxiety.
Now imagine that you continue to practice this coping behavior into adulthood. You detach from conversations at the first sign of disagreement to avoid the discomfort of potential conflict. While this behavior may have served you as a child, it may negatively impact your important relationships as an adult.
We don’t fully understand all the underlying causes of unhealthy coping mechanisms. Some may stem from past experiences. But there are other psychological, social, and environmental factors that may increase the chances that a person will develop unhealthy coping behaviors.
These factors tend to have roots in childhood and may include:
- Experiencing childhood abuse or neglect
- Having repeated invalidating experiences with caregivers
- Being exposed repeatedly to overwhelming stress
- Not seeing frequent examples of healthy coping strategies
- Living with mental health conditions like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), social anxiety disorder, or autism spectrum disorder (ASD)
Find care with Rula
Everyone has habits or behaviors they wish they could change. But if you’re responding to stress in ways that negatively affect your well-being, know that you’re not alone and help is available.
At Rula, we’re here to help you access supportive, specialized mental healthcare from the comfort of your home without the typical long wait. Thanks to our intuitive therapist-matching program, you can quickly and easily find a therapist who takes your insurance and start receiving care this week.
About the author
Liz Talago
Liz Talago, M.ed. is a mental health professional turned content writer and strategist based in the Detroit metro area. As an independent consultant for mental health organizations, Liz creates meaningful connections between brands and their audiences through strategic storytelling. Liz is known for championing diverse perspectives within the mental health industry and translating bold ideas into inspiring, affirming digital experiences. In her free time, you can find her hiking with her two German Shepherds, puttering around her dahlia garden, or spending time with her family.
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Rula's editorial team is on a mission to make science-backed mental health insights accessible and practical for every person seeking to better understand or improve mental wellness. Rula’s clinical leadership team and other expert providers contribute to all published content, offering guidance on themes and insights based on their firsthand experience in the field. Every piece of content is thoroughly reviewed by a clinician before publishing.
