Underlying reasons for trust issues — and how to heal

When someone you trusted makes you feel betrayed, it can leave lasting emotional wounds. The fear of being hurt can put you on guard, even when you yearn for connection.

While trust issues aren’t a mental health condition themselves, they’re often connected to underlying mental health conditions like anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or borderline personality disorder (BPD).

These challenges can deeply impact your relationships and daily life, but working with a mental health professional trained in trust issues can help. By uncovering the root cause of your trust issues, challenging negative thoughts, and practicing self-compassion, you can move forward and build healthy relationships.

Where do trust issues come from?

Trust issues are often the result of betrayal, abandonment, or manipulation. 

Sometimes, a single incident, like having your partner cheat on you, will leave a lasting mark. In other cases, trust issues develop gradually, as repeated disappointments slowly erode your confidence in others.

Growing up with an untrustworthy parent or caregiver can make it hard to trust others as an adult. Research shows that childhood trauma profoundly shapes our ability to trust, often making us more guarded and cautious in relationships. 

Mental health conditions like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety disorders, borderline personality disorder (BPD), and relationship-focused obsessive-compulsive disorder (ROCD) can also make trust difficult. You might feel like you’re always bracing for something bad to happen or fear being abandoned.

Signs you have trust issues

Determining whether you have trust issues or just healthy skepticism can be challenging. Healthy skepticism lets you think for yourself and protect yourself without closing others off, while trust issues stem from emotional wounds that make it hard to form strong connections.

Signs of trust issues can include:

• Avoiding commitment: You might keep others at a distance to protect yourself from betrayal and abandonment.
• Feeling suspicious: This could involve checking your partner’s phone or reading their texts and emails.
• Self-sabotaging: Feeling vulnerable can make you put up barriers or push people away to avoid being hurt again. Self-sabotage isn’t usually a conscious decision, but unresolved trust issues can make it difficult to maintain healthy relationships.
• Experiencing low self-esteem: Feeling unworthy of love can lead to projecting this on others, assuming they will eventually let you down. You may assume you’re not worthy of love, making you more prone to distrust.

Are trust issues always a red flag?

Trust issues aren’t always a red flag but rather a reaction to our past struggles. Living with trust issues can lead to several challenges and consequences, impacting both your well-being and relationships. 

Potential effects of trust issues can include: 

• An inability to be your authentic self: A lack of trust in a relationship can stop you from feeling at ease around others or secure in your connections. You might avoid emotional closeness, fearing you’ll get hurt.
• Difficulty in forming close relationships: While it’s wise to be cautious when starting a new relationship, unresolved trust issues can hold you back from making new connections and result in isolation.
• Increased anxiety and stress: Constantly questioning others’ intentions or worrying about betrayal can trigger anxiety and heighten stress. 
• Negative impacts on mental health: Long-term trust issues can lead to anxiety, depression, or even relationship obsessive-compulsive tendencies, especially when combined with isolation or chronic stress.
• Communication challenges: Trust issues can make it harder to express your needs and feelings, which can result in misunderstandings and interpersonal conflict. 

Self-care and professional support to navigate trust issues

A combination of therapy and self-care strategies can help you process your feelings and rebuild trust. Working with a qualified mental healthcare provider can uncover the root cause of your trust issues and find ways to build secure connections with others. 

The most common types of therapy for healing trust issues and related mental health concerns include: 

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): This common type of talk therapy helps you identify and challenge negative thought patterns that fuel distrust. By working through these thoughts, you can build healthier, more positive relationships.
• Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT): DBT is commonly used to help you learn to manage emotions in healthy ways, improve interpersonal relationships, and build trust.
• Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR): This type of therapy is effective in addressing trust issues that are a result of past trauma. EMDR helps to process traumatic memories that might be causing distrust.
• Attachment-based therapy: This approach to therapy focuses on early relationships and attachment styles formed in childhood. It can help you understand how past attachments impact your current trust issues

Working with a therapist can support you in building essential skills for overcoming trust issues. These skills might include: 

• Practicing self-compassion: Trust issues can bring up self-blame and resentment. You can learn to treat yourself with the same kindness, understanding, and support you’d offer a friend.
• Communicating effectively: If you’re struggling with trust, it’s important to share your feelings and fears with a friend or partner. Honest, respectful communication can clear up misunderstandings and build a stronger bond.
• Challenging negative thoughts: Trust issues can make you believe you’re not worthy of love. Therapy approaches like CBT can help you challenge these negative thoughts and replace them with more balanced ones. 
• Setting boundaries: A therapist can guide you toward setting healthy boundaries that protect you while also remaining open to connection.
• Fostering self-trust: Trust issues can often come from doubting yourself or your decisions. Building self-confidence can make it easier to trust others.

Find care with Rula

Trust issues can affect your life in serious ways, preventing you from forming close connections with others or even affecting your self-confidence. Overcoming trust issues is a journey, and talking with a mental health professional who’s trained in these issues can help you learn to trust more confidently. 

Our network of over 10,000 therapists makes it easy to find a trained mental health professional to help you work through your trust issues. With just a few clicks, you can use our platform to find a therapist who accepts your insurance, offers the comprehensive care you deserve, and can meet with you via live video as soon as tomorrow.

Find a therapist with Rula