The emotional fallout of toxic positivity

When someone goes through a breakup or loses a job and hears, “Everything happens for a reason,” it may sound comforting on the surface. But this can actually be a form of toxic positivity. While often well-intentioned, these responses can dismiss a person’s pain and minimize their emotions. In situations like this, you might be wondering how to respond to this kind of toxic positivity. 

Toxic positivity has become more visible in recent years — especially with the influence of social media and popular phrases like “good vibes only.” While staying positive can be uplifting, always expecting people to be happy can make it seem like there’s no room for other emotions.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Being pressured to stay upbeat all the time can leave you feeling ignored, misunderstood, or even guilty for not being cheerful. Therapy can help you create space for your real emotions and feel truly heard.

Recognizing signs of toxic positivity

Life isn’t always perfectly happy. It’s natural to feel grief, anger, fear, and sadness. Those emotions don’t make someone negative; they make them human. 

Toxic positivity isn’t the same as optimism, which means hoping for the best and staying positive while still recognizing challenges and emotions. Toxic positivity, on the other hand, is when negative emotions are ignored, dismissed, or shut down. It sends the message that you should be happy all the time, no matter what you’re going through.

Toxic positivity isn’t always easy to recognize since it often hides behind cheerful phrases or well-meaning advice. At times, the person making these statements might not have the insight into what their words are implying. In some other cases, toxic positivity can be a form of gaslighting.

Here are some common signs of toxic positivity in different settings:

• At work: Toxic positivity in the workplace is often disguised as “team spirit” or “professionalism.” If someone shares that they’re stressed, burned out, or frustrated, they might be labeled “negative” or not seen as a team player. Those working in an emotionally unsupportive environment may be expected to smile through stress and avoid tough conversations to “keep morale high.”
• In relationships: A partner who brushes off your feelings of stress or anxiety with comments like, “Just stay positive,” or, “Don’t dwell on it,” may be leaning into toxic positivity. They might avoid uncomfortable conversations or minimize real issues instead of working through them together.
• With friends: Sometimes, friends don’t know how to handle difficult feelings. Instead of offering real support, they may say things like, “You’ll be fine — just think happy thoughts!” While they may mean well, this kind of response can feel dismissive. 
• In families: Toxic positivity can show up in families as encouragement or “staying strong.” You may be praised for always being cheerful but met with silence or discomfort when you’re struggling. If you bring up a concern, you might be brushed off with a joke or told, “You’re just overthinking.”
• On social media: Flawlessly curated feeds, constant gratitude posts, or “good-vibes-only” messages on social media can make you feel like you’re doing something wrong just for going through a tough time.

The care you need, when you need it

Learn how Rula can support your mental health journey

Subscribe

I agree to receive emails from Rula and accept the terms outlined in Client Email Consent and Privacy Policy.

The harmful effects of forced happiness

Toxic positivity might seem harmless, but over time, it can wear down your mental and emotional health.

Here are a few ways toxic positivity can do real harm:

• It shuts down real emotions. When people are told to “just stay positive,” they may push away feelings of sadness, anger, fear, or grief. To heal, these emotions need to be felt and processed.
• It can hurt your mental health. Trying to be positive all the time can be exhausting. When people start to avoid feelings like sadness, anger, or stress, they may begin to think something’s wrong with them. Even without internalizing this toxic positivity, research has found that emotional invalidation from others can lead to guilt, anxiety, or even depression.
• It creates guilt for feeling anything but happy. Toxic positivity sends the message that feeling down means you’re doing something wrong. This can leave people feeling ashamed for having normal human emotions. 
• It blocks real support. Instead of receiving empathy or comfort, people might hear, “Just think happy thoughts.” That surface-level advice can prevent people from seeking the help they need and denies them the opportunity to build emotional resilience.
• It can damage relationships. When people constantly push positivity, it can feel like there’s no space to be real. This can weaken trust and strain relationships.
• It delays healing. Avoiding tough emotions doesn’t make them go away. It can actually make things worse. Real healing comes from facing and working through emotions, not pretending everything’s fine.

How to avoid toxic positivity

Avoiding toxic positivity can seem challenging, but it’s possible. It starts with being emotionally honest with yourself and others and knowing how to respond when your feelings are being minimized.

Here’s some steps you can take:

• Surround yourself with emotionally safe people. Spend time with those who let you show up as you are — whether you’re having a great day or a tough one. Having access to a good support network benefits your well-being and surrounds you with people who accept you on both your good and bad days.
• Set healthy limits for yourself. Protect your energy. If certain social media spaces or people feel overly cheerful in a way that doesn’t feel authentic, it’s OK to take a step back.
• Be direct but kind. State your needs without being harsh. Try saying, “I appreciate your input, but it feels invalidating when I’m hurting.”
• Ask for what you really need. Help others support you better. You might say, “I’m not asking for advice — I just need someone to listen to me right now.” Create space for yourself to feel all types of emotions, whether alone or with others.
• Redirect or exit the conversation. If someone continues to brush off your feelings, it’s OK to say, “I need to take a break from this conversation because it’s not helpful for me at the moment.”
• Reinforce your boundaries. If toxic positivity continues even after you’ve expressed your feelings, you might say, “We’ve talked about this before, and I need you to respect how I’m feeling.” Setting healthy boundaries protects your overall well-being.

Find care with Rula

If toxic positivity is weighing on your mental, emotional, or physical health, therapy can help. Talking with a therapist can offer a safe, judgment-free space where you can process your emotions honestly and learn to embrace a more authentic, balanced way of living — one that doesn’t rely on forced positivity.

At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best. 

Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we’re here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.

Find a provider with Rula