How to tell someone you have an eating disorder

Eating disorders are serious mental health conditions that affect the way people think and behave around food. Anorexia and bulimia are some of the more well-known eating disorders, but disordered eating can look different for different people. For example, focusing too much on healthy eating could be a sign of a condition known as orthorexia.

Most people who have an eating disorder or experience disordered eating keep their habits to themselves. But with nearly 29 million Americans reporting an eating disorder at some point in their lives, you’re not alone. Seeking help for an eating disorder isn’t always easy, but confiding in someone you trust can be an important step on the road to recovery. 

Finding the right person to tell about your eating disorder

It’s completely normal to be scared or nervous to discuss your eating disorder. After all, you can’t control other people’s reactions any more than you can control developing an eating disorder in the first place. 

That said, choosing to confide in someone you trust can be an important step in your recovery. In fact, research suggests that internal motivation and social support are both essential to the healing process.

When deciding who to talk to, think about someone who is compassionate and trustworthy. This might be a friend, family member, teacher, or healthcare professional. If you’re not sure who to open up to, consider the following questions.

• Who do you usually confide in when things get tough?
• Who can you trust to react without judgment? 
• Have you ever discussed your mental health with someone?
• Do you know anyone with a personal understanding of eating disorders or other mental health concerns?

Four tips for telling someone about your eating disorder

Before you tell someone about your eating disorder, it can be helpful to prepare for the conversation. Knowing what you want to say and how to say it can provide you with the confidence to share something that’s deeply personal and private. Here are a few pointers to keep in mind.

1. Consider the time and place. The details are completely up to you, but consider choosing a time and location that allow for privacy. For example, it’s probably better to have the conversation during a quiet walk around the park rather than at a crowded party. 
2. Prepare some talking points. If you’re struggling with the idea of opening up, make your life easier by writing down exactly what you want to say. This might include when you first started experiencing symptoms, how the eating disorder impacts your life, and why you’ve decided to seek support. 
3. Think of how they can help. After sharing something important with someone who cares about you, they’ll probably want to know how they can help. And you should let them. This can be anything from helping you find a doctor to refraining from making comments about your appearance or food choices. 
4. Show yourself compassion. Eating disorders can be complex, confusing, and painful. It’s OK to admit that this is a difficult conversation, so show yourself compassion as you share your situation with others. 

What to expect after sharing your eating disorder 

Having an eating disorder can evoke a range of intense emotions. Many people experience shame, guilt, self-consciousness, or frustration about their condition. Telling someone about your eating disorder might not negate those feelings, but it can provide a sense of relief and help you feel less alone.

That said, prepare yourself for different reactions. Describing life with an eating disorder to someone without one can be like “a football player trying to coach a swimmer how to golf,” according to Mental Health America.

In an ideal world, the other person will respond with understanding and empathy. They’ll listen without judgment and be prepared to help you get the help you need. However, even the most well-intentioned friends and family may struggle with the news of your eating disorder. Their reaction may include shock, concern, or sadness. And if they don’t understand the severity of your situation, they may respond with unhelpful or misguided advice. Regardless of their reaction, remember that having an eating disorder is not a choice but choosing to seek help and heal is in your control. 

Talking to a professional about your eating disorder

If you think you have an eating disorder, getting professional support is essential. This can be from a primary care doctor, therapist, psychiatrist, or any other medical professional that you feel comfortable confiding in. 

From there, you’ll likely work with a team of providers who are dedicated to helping you meet your treatment goals. For example, therapists are trained to help people understand the link between their emotions and behaviors, develop healthier coping strategies, and manage co-occurring mental health conditions. 

You might also work with a dietician or nutritionist who can show you how to recognize unhealthy eating patterns and replace them with more balanced ones. 

Social support is another crucial component of treatment. One study found that support groups significantly reduced stigma and isolation and improved motivation among adults in eating disorder treatment. Another study reported that support groups helped reduce post-meal distress in young people with anorexia.

Find care with Rula

If you or someone you know has an eating disorder, know that help is available. Opening up about an eating disorder isn’t easy, but finding the right therapist for your needs is a critical step in the healing journey. 

At Rula, we can help you find a therapist who is taking new clients, accepts your insurance, and has experience treating eating disorders in less than 30 seconds. And our network of more than 10,000 therapists means you can begin treatment as early as this week.

Find a therapist with Rula