How to talk to someone in your life about starting therapy

It’s hard to watch a loved one struggle with their mental or emotional health. Whether they’ve shared their concerns or you’ve recently noticed a change in their behavior, you may be wondering what you can do to help them feel their best. One idea is talk therapy. 

Encouraging a loved one to try therapy isn’t always an easy conversation, but it can show how much you care about them. Here, we review seven tips for knowing when and how to discuss professional mental health support with a loved one. 

When is it appropriate to talk with a loved one about starting therapy?

Talk therapy is an effective tool for anyone who could benefit from mental or emotional support. It’s often used to manage mental health conditions. But it can also help people build healthier habits, cope with difficult emotions, and prioritize personal growth.

Some indicators that a person might benefit from therapy include:

• Recent changes to their mental health, like increased sadness, irritability, or withdrawal from friends and family
• Showing signs of a mental health condition, like anxiety, a substance use disorder, or an eating disorder
• Harmful or self-destructive behaviors, like gambling, anger issues, or risky sexual activity
• Going through a major life transition, like divorce, loss, or a career change
• Persistent or unresolved issues with their relationships, career, or self-identity 

Therapy can also help people who are experiencing passive suicidal ideation, which is when someone has thoughts of death without any intention of acting on those thoughts. But active suicidal ideation, which is when you plan or prepare to take your own life, requires immediate support. 

If someone you care about has expressed suicidal intent, please contact the National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 from any phone for 24/7 crisis support. You can also contact a local crisis line or bring your loved one to the emergency room to ensure that they receive the necessary support right away. 

Seven tips for talking with a loved one about starting therapy

If you think your loved one is struggling with their mental health, we have some advice on how to have a compassionate, judgment-free conversation about getting the care they need.

1. Choose the right time 

Suggesting therapy can be sensitive, so it’s important to be mindful of where and when you have the conversation. To start, choose a private location to share your thoughts without distractions or interruptions. And instead of approaching them after a long day or when their mind is elsewhere, try to find a time when they are calm, comfortable, and more likely to be receptive to your suggestion. 

2. Consider language and delivery 

When sharing your concerns, try to avoid using language that comes across as blaming, shaming, or threatening. Instead, focus on non-confrontational statements, like “I” statements. This approach allows you to communicate your concerns about specific behaviors with less risk of a defensive response. For example, you can say something like “I’ve noticed that you’ve seemed a bit sad lately” or “I think therapy might be a helpful option for you.” 

Other tips to consider include: 

• Make sure your body language demonstrates empathy (for example, maintain eye contact, and lean your body toward them)
• Validate their concerns through the continued use of “I” statements (for example, respond with “I’m sorry this is happening to you”)
• Practice active listening to be fully present during the conversation (this can look like repeating back the essence of what they’re sharing to make sure you understand)
• Asking open-ended questions to better understand their experience and thoughts

3. Ask about any hesitations

There’s no way of knowing how your loved one will react to your suggestion. They may feel relieved that you’ve recognized their struggles, or they may have serious reservations about speaking with a therapist. Regardless of their reaction, taking the time to understand their perspective will allow you to provide the right resources and information to support their choice. 

If they seem hesitant about therapy, ask questions to better understand their feelings and concerns. For example: 

• What’s holding you back from trying therapy?
• Are there specific fears or doubts you have about starting therapy?
• Would you feel more comfortable working with a specific type of therapist?

4. Emphasize that seeking help is a sign of strength

The idea of working with a therapist can be daunting, especially if it’s your first time seeking mental health treatment. When discussing therapy with your loved one, remind them that finding the courage to get help is something to celebrate. Everyone needs extra support sometimes, and going to therapy is a great way to prioritize their mental wellness, discover new coping skills, and achieve personal growth and healing. 

5. Share your experience with therapy (if you have any)

Consider sharing your own therapy experience. People who are new to therapy usually have a few questions about the process, so sharing what to expect and how to make the most of sessions can help put them at ease. Being open about your mental health journey may be the inspiration for your loved one to begin theirs. 

6. Respect your loved one’s autonomy

It’s hard to watch someone you care about struggle with their mental health, but you can’t make them get help if they’re not ready. Everyone moves at their own pace, and it’s important to respect their autonomy and boundaries. 

Instead of demanding that they meet with a therapist, consider alternative ways of supporting their mental and emotional health. For example, encourage your friend to engage in self-care activities that will promote well-being and resilience. You can even offer to do these activities together. Some ideas include trying meditation, taking walks, or pursuing a shared passion. 

7. Offer practical support 

Once you propose the idea of therapy, be prepared to offer actionable next steps. If your loved one is interested in therapy but doesn’t know where to start, help them find a therapist who is a good clinical and cultural fit. 

For example, they may prefer a therapist who is going to be culturally sensitive to their unique identity, perspective, and treatment needs. You can also share resources on the therapeutic process, like what to talk about in sessions or the benefits of doing therapy online. 

In some cases, your loved one might be interested in therapy but isn’t ready to begin just yet. Remind them that you’ll be available to support their healing journey when the timing feels right for them. 

Find a therapist with Rula 

If there’s someone in your life who would benefit from professional mental health support, consider connecting them with Rula.

Rula helps people find a therapist who takes their insurance, is accepting new patients, and meets their list of criteria. Whether they’re experiencing mental health symptoms or need help building healthier habits, Rula handles the details so that your loved one can focus on their health and well-being. Plus, our network of over 10,000 therapists means they can be seen as soon as tomorrow. 

Find care with Rula