Key Takeaways
- Self-comparison happens when you measure yourself against the possessions, appearance, or achievements of others.
- Comparing yourself to others can inspire growth and motivation, but, if it becomes a habit, it can hurt your self-esteem and lead to anxiety or depression.
- Therapy can help you stop comparing yourself to others by shifting your focus to personal growth, building self-confidence, and replacing negative thoughts with a healthier mindset.
We all compare ourselves to others. After all, it’s human nature. Psychologists call this social comparison theory, which means we judge our worth based on how we stack up against others.
Seeing someone else live their best life can be inspiring, but it can also make you feel like you’re not measuring up, leading to insecurity, anxiety, or depression. The truth is, we never really know what’s going on behind the scenes in someone else’s life. People usually share their best moments, not their struggles.
If comparing yourself to others is causing anxiety or self-doubt, try to focus on your own journey and celebrate your progress. Further, a therapist can help you challenge negative thoughts, set personal goals, and focus on what you have rather than what you’re missing.
Psychology behind comparing yourself to others
We compare ourselves to others because we want to feel accepted and successful. Some people engage in self-comparison to reassure themselves that success or happiness is possible, to validate their own struggles, or to set personal goals. But it can turn into self-doubt and have negative impacts on our mental health, including anxiety and depression.
There are two types of social comparison.
- Upward social comparison: This happens when you compare yourself to someone you see as more successful or better off. For example, you might look at a celebrity your age and wonder why you haven’t achieved as much. While this can sometimes be motivating, it can also make you feel insecure.
- Downward social comparison: This occurs when you compare yourself to someone who seems worse off. An example is watching a friend go through a divorce and feeling grateful you have a stable relationship.
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Why can self-comparison be harmful?
Although we all compare ourselves to others from time to time, self-comparison is linked to a variety of mental health conditions. You might compare yourself more often to others due to an underlying condition. On the other hand, constant comparison can increase your risk for developing certain conditions.
Explore how certain conditions or behaviors are linked to self-comparison:
Anxiety and depression
Self-comparison and anxiety are closely linked. Anxiety fuels self-doubt, leading people to overanalyze their performance, appearance, or social standing, usually in a negative light. A negative mindset can make it easy to focus on what’s lacking instead of what’s going well.
Constantly comparing yourself — especially on social media — can heighten feelings of anxiety and depression.
Low self-esteem
People with low self-esteem often compare themselves to others to seek validation. This can lead to feeling inferior and believing others are inherently more attractive or talented than you. Left unaddressed, low self-esteem can turn into self-loathing, which is characterized by harsh self-criticism and difficulty acknowledging your personal attributes.
Similarly, if you have imposter syndrome, you might compare yourself to others and feel like you don’t measure up — even when you accomplished just as much.
Eating disorders and body image issues
One study explored the link between self-comparison and eating disorders, finding that comparison can lead to lower body satisfaction. Additionally, people with body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) tend to fixate on perceived flaws and compare themselves to unrealistic beauty standards. Social media filters and photo-editing apps can make this even worse.
Obsessive compulsive disorder
In some cases, self-comparison can become a compulsion. People with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) may feel an overwhelming urge to compare themselves with others, even when it causes distress. This type of self-checking behavior that can occur in OCD can combine with perfectionistic tendencies, making it difficult to appreciate progress and leaving you feeling like nothing is ever good enough.
Even if it’s not linked to a diagnosed mental health condition, self-comparison can lead to a decline in your overall well-being. Self-comparison shifts your focus from gratitude for what you have and how you have grown to dissatisfaction with what you don’t have. The more you measure yourself against others, the easier it is to feel bad about yourself, even when you’re making progress.
Five ways to choose confidence over comparison
Completely eliminating self-comparison from your life can be hard. However, you can significantly reduce the negative effects of self-comparison and make it work in your favor.
Here’s how:
- Compare yourself to yourself: Measure progress by looking at your own past, not others’. Celebrate small victories, personal growth, and lessons learned along the way.
- Take regular digital detoxes: It’s important to remember that what you see on social media isn’t always reality. In fact, a recent survey found that half of all social media users edit their photos before sharing them. This can contribute to unrealistic beauty standards and increased self-comparison. However, research shows that even a one-week break from social media can improve self-comparison and well-being.
- Practice gratitude: Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, reflect on what you do. It can be a powerful exercise to prevent yourself from falling into the trap of comparison, reframe your mindset, and boost positivity. You could make it a habit by keeping a daily gratitude journal.
- Shift comparison to inspiration: Instead of feeling inferior when you see someone get a promotion at work, ask yourself what you can learn from them or what it reveals about your own goals. Use comparison as motivation rather than self-criticism.
- Choose what you do with the comparison: The next time you catch yourself comparing, pause and choose how to respond. If you have a distorted self-image, try challenging negative thoughts with a realistic self-assessment, self-compassion, and mindfulness.
It can be hard to avoid self-comparison — especially with social media. If self-comparison is making you feel bad about yourself, working with a therapist trained in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help. This approach to talk therapy can help you reframe negative thoughts, build self-esteem, and foster a healthier mindset.
Therapy has the power to shift the harmful effects of comparison through challenging these negative thoughts and helping you focus on your own strengths, values, goals, and progress. When we are so focused on what we have and are working toward, comparing yourself to others loses its power.
Find care with Rula
Self-comparison can make you feel like you’re not good enough and can have a significant impact on your mental health. But with therapy and some self-care strategies, you can learn to stop negatively comparing yourself to others. A therapist can help you build self-acceptance, confidence, and healthier thought patterns.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we’re here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
About the author
Linda Childers
Linda is an award-winning medical writer with experience writing for major media outlets, health companies, hospitals, and both consumer and trade print and digital outlets.
Her articles have appeared in the Washington Post, USA Today, WebMD, AARP, Brain+Life, HealthyWomen.org, The Rheumatologist, California Health Report, Everyday Health, HealthCentral, and many other media outlets.
While juggling the responsibilities of being part of the “sandwich generation” and caring for both her toddler son and terminally ill mother, a nurse friend encouraged her to seek therapy, which helped her to learn coping strategies and manage her depression. Linda hopes her work will help to destigmatize mental health conditions and encourage others to get the help they need.
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Members of Rula’s clinical leadership team and other expert providers contribute to all published content, offering guidance on themes and insights based on their firsthand experience in the field. Every piece of content is thoroughly reviewed by a clinician before publishing.
