Overcoming the cycle of social anxiety, loneliness, and isolation

We all have days when we’d rather stay home than socialize — whether it’s to watch our favorite TV show, dive into the latest bestseller, or snuggle with our pets. But for the 15 million American adults who have social anxiety disorder), the thought of attending a party, enjoying an evening on the town with coworkers, or ordering at a restaurant can trigger overwhelming anxiety. 

Social anxiety disorder goes far beyond shyness. It’s an intense fear of being embarrassed, judged, and rejected by others. Typically beginning in childhood, social anxiety affects more women than men. While the exact cause is still unknown, some research indicates that it may stem from overprotective parents or limited social experiences. 

Spending time with coworkers or strangers can be very stressful for people with social anxiety and can result in them avoiding parties and other gatherings. Although they may desire connections, their fears — often more imagined than real — can make it difficult for them to engage with others.

Signs and symptoms of social anxiety disorder 

People with social anxiety are fearful of participating in social situations in which they believe they’ll be judged or scrutinized by others. Some people have performance-only social anxiety, which means they’re fearful only in certain situations (like speaking in public or starting conversations with strangers). In contrast, those with generalized social anxiety disorder have a fear of most, if not all, social situations.

To be diagnosed with social anxiety, you must show some or all of the following symptoms for at least six months when faced with social situations:

• Have difficulty speaking to strangers or speak in an overly soft voice
• Avoid eye contact
• Feel self-conscious and believe others are judging or rejecting you
• Blush, sweat, or tremble
• Have a rapid heart rate
• Feel your mind going blank or feel sick to your stomach
• Have a rigid body posture in social situations
• Avoid places where there are other people

Why do people with social anxiety isolate themselves?

Most people with social anxiety don’t intentionally choose to isolate. Being alone can feel safer than facing fear and discomfort in social situations. By avoiding uncomfortable interactions, they can avoid perceived judgment and rejection and ward off unpleasant physical symptoms, like sweating or a racing heart.

After months or years of isolating themselves, people with social anxiety often don’t know how to overcome their feelings or are unsure how to expand their social circle. 

How social isolation can affect your mental health

People with social anxiety are prone to heightened levels of fear, anxiety, and avoidance of social situations. Some people with social anxiety have a mild-to-moderate high-functioning form of social anxiety that causes high levels of distress but externally doesn’t seem to interfere with their daily lives. 

In other cases, social anxiety can feel extreme and debilitating, causing people to withdraw socially, have limited connections, and experience low-self esteem.

Research shows a potential link between social anxiety disorder and an increased risk of depression, substance abuse, and suicide. 

For older adults, social anxiety can intensify feelings of loneliness by limiting their social interactions and shrinking their support network. Socially isolated older adults also have a higher risk of developing dementia. 

Left untreated, social anxiety and isolation can also take a toll on a person’s physical health including increasing their risk of heart disease and Type 2 diabetes. 

How to deal with loneliness and social anxiety

Loneliness isn’t limited to people with social anxiety. One poll found that 30% of Americans reported feeling lonely at least once a week over the past year, while 10% say they feel lonely every day. Dr. Vivek Murthy, U.S. surgeon general, says the U.S. is experiencing a public health crisis of loneliness and isolation, and he encourages healthcare providers and community organizations to create “cultures of connection.”

For those with social anxiety, loneliness can amplify the negative effects of anxiety. A person’s fear of interactions can lead to self-isolation, deepening their loneliness and sometimes creating a cycle of fear and isolation. 

The good news is that social anxiety is treatable. By going to therapy, mastering coping strategies, and building a support system, most people with social anxiety see improvements in their symptoms and quality of life. 

Some of the treatment options for social anxiety include:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): This form of talk therapy is highly effective in treating social anxiety. Sometimes, it’s used with medication to treat symptoms of anxiety and depression. 
• Exposure therapy: Using this type of therapy, people with social anxiety become desensitized to their fears by gradually exposing themselves to uncomfortable social situations.
• Support groups: Meeting with other people who have social anxiety can help you realize you’re not alone. You can also hear strategies from others who’ve learned to manage their symptoms. Meeting with others in a group setting may even act as a form of exposure therapy for people with social anxiety.

Coping strategies for social anxiety

Learning healthy coping strategies is key to overcoming social anxiety. Consider these self-help tips that can help you manage your symptoms in conjunction with therapy:

1. Disconnect from your phone. It’s easy to forget what life was like before we were constantly absorbed by our smartphones. Though it may be tempting to spend hours looking at websites and scrolling through social media, research reveals a connection between excessive smartphone use and increased social anxiety. Consider limiting your screen time and gradually engaging in social situations that make you uneasy in order to build confidence.
2. Practice relaxation techniques. With calm breathing and progressive muscle relaxation, you can learn how to reduce stress the next time the thought of attending a social situation makes you feel anxious. Progressive muscle relaxation helps you release the tension in your muscles, while deep-breathing exercises send a message to your brain to calm down and relax.
3. Reframe your thoughts. People with social anxiety often fear being judged or criticized by others in social situations. They may worry about saying the wrong thing at a gathering or having people laugh at them. The next time you have a negative thought, question whether it’s based on facts or fear, and try replacing the negative thought with a positive one. 
4. Get moving. Having a daily exercise routine can help improve your mood and lessen anxiety. While experts recommend 30 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise five days a week, you can break it down into 10-minute increments if that’s easier.
5. Play some tunes. Several studies have shown that listening to music can reduce anxiety and stress. Classical music, nature sounds, and light jazz have all been proven effective at calming nerves. 

Find care with Rula

If social anxiety is impacting your relationships and quality of life, talking with a mental health professional can help. Working with a therapist trained in treating anxiety disorders can help you identify and manage the factors that contribute to your anxiety and learn effective coping strategies.

Rula’s extensive therapist-matching platform allows you to connect with a therapist who can meet your unique needs. On the Rula platform, you can find a therapist who not only accepts your insurance but can also meet with you virtually as soon as tomorrow.

Find a therapist with Rula