Understanding the causes and signs of emotional immaturity

Have you ever noticed that kids act out when they’re feeling bored or want attention? Children rely on their caregivers’ guidance to learn appropriate ways to manage and express their emotions. When a caregiver is attuned to a child’s needs and models healthy ways to communicate those needs, they can develop emotional maturity. 

Emotional maturity refers to a person’s ability to understand and manage their emotions and behaviors. On the other hand, people who have not developed emotional maturity  are often referred to as emotionally immature. Those people are more likely to be emotionally reactive and behave in ways that are seen as inappropriate for the situation.

The good news is that recognizing emotional immaturity is the first step in learning how to replace negative behaviors and beliefs with healthier alternatives.

What is emotional maturity?

Emotional maturity is when someone has an appropriate level of emotional control and expression. People who are emotionally mature have the skills and awareness to identify, manage, and communicate their emotions in a healthy way. They can cope with conflict, accept responsibility for their actions, and build secure and satisfying relationships. 

Five signs of emotional immaturity

People who are emotionally immature lack certain skills that allow them to have healthy relationships with others and regulate their own emotions. Here are five signs that someone may be emotionally immature.

1. They have difficulty managing their emotions. Emotional maturity influences a person’s ability to recognize and share their feelings. People who are emotionally immature may not know how to identify, verbalize, and express their emotions. This can lead to mood swings and poor communication. They may also lack the compassion and comprehension to acknowledge other people’s feelings.
2. They don’t handle conflict well. How a person handles conflict says a lot about their maturity level. Emotionally immature people often respond to conflict and crisis with deflection, defensiveness, or isolation. 
3. They have a hard time taking accountability for their mistakes. Instead of admitting a mistake or wrongdoing, emotionally immature people avoid responsibility and blame others when things go wrong. They may even lie to avoid uncomfortable conversations or situations. 
4. They show poor impulse control. When people don’t know how to control their impulses, they’re more likely to engage in reckless, unpredictable, or harmful behaviors. People who struggle with impulsivity often have a hard time considering the consequences of their actions beforehand. 
5. They have narcissistic tendencies. Emotionally immature people can share similar characteristics with people who have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). For example, people who are emotionally immature may feel entitled to special treatment, require frequent praise and admiration, and take advantage of others to get what they want.

What causes emotional immaturity?

In line with the theory that people are a product of their environment, it’s likely that emotional maturity often stems from childhood. Emotional immaturity has been linked to several potential causes, including:

Adverse childhood experiences

Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) are traumatic or potentially traumatic events that happen during childhood. Experiencing any type of neglect, violence, or abuse can affect a person’s emotional development and reduce their ability to understand and regulate their emotions. Experiencing loss at a young age or growing up in a dysfunctional household can also affect emotional development. 

Limited caregiver involvement or support

Children who grow up with a strong, positive role model are more likely to have healthy emotional behavior as adults. On the other hand, those without adequate caregiver support may be more emotionally immature. 

Parenting style 

Having parents who are overprotective can affect a person’s self-competence and ability to develop healthy coping skills. Cultural expectations can also influence emotional maturity. For example, people in cultures that discourage freedom of emotional expression tend to develop emotional maturity at a different pace than those in cultures who encourage emotional expression.

Mental health conditions

Emotional immaturity may be a sign of mental health conditions that impact emotional regulation, like borderline personality disorder (BPD) and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Emotional immaturity is also linked to narcissistic personality disorder.

How to develop emotional maturity

It’s never too late to develop emotional maturity. With a desire to change and access to the right resources and support, you can learn how to become more emotionally mature. 

If you want to improve your emotional maturity, you can start by:

• Cultivating greater self-awareness: Sometimes, when people struggle with inappropriate emotions and behaviors, it’s because they don’t fully understand who they are and what they want. One way to become more emotionally mature is to increase your self-awareness, meaning your ability to recognize your emotions, what triggers them, and how they influence your behaviors, goals, and relationships.

• Taking responsibility for your actions: Emotional maturity means holding yourself accountable for your decisions in life, even when you make mistakes or do something wrong. Instead of complaining or blaming someone else, choosing a more solution-based approach will allow you to take ownership and accountability. 

• Adopting a growth mindset: Emotional maturity won’t happen overnight, but a commitment to growth can help you become the best version of yourself. By taking the time to challenge your existing thoughts and assumptions, you’re creating space to set new goals, develop additional skills, and grow as a person. 

• Seeking professional mental health support: If you’re looking to become more emotionally mature, consider working with a qualified mental health professional. Therapy offers people a safe space to learn healthier coping methods, cultivate self-awareness, and create more meaningful connections with others. 

Find care with Rula

If you’re struggling with an emotionally unavailable partner or poor emotional regulation yourself, consider seeking professional support. While emotional immaturity is not a diagnosable mental health condition, it can be a sign of an underlying mental health condition or other unresolved concerns. 

Rula is here to make it easier to find the right therapist for your needs. With our therapist-matching program, you can match with a provider who takes your insurance in under three minutes. And our network of over 10,000 providers means you can be seen as soon as tomorrow. 

Find a therapist with Rula