Understanding the causes and signs of emotional immaturity

Have you ever noticed that kids act out when they’re feeling bored or want attention? Children rely on their caregivers’ guidance to learn appropriate ways to manage and express their emotions. When a caregiver is attuned to a child’s needs and models healthy ways to communicate those needs, they can develop emotional maturity.

Emotional maturity refers to a person’s ability to understand and manage their emotions and behaviors. Emotional immaturity, on the other hand, is the tendency to respond to stress, conflict, or discomfort in ways that are impulsive, overly reactive, or self-centered. People who haven’t developed emotional maturity are more likely to be emotionally reactive and behave in ways that are seen as inappropriate for the situation.

The good news is that recognizing emotional immaturity is the first step in learning how to replace negative behaviors and beliefs with healthier alternatives.

Five signs of emotional immaturity

People who are emotionally immature lack certain skills that allow them to have healthy relationships with others and regulate their own emotions. Here are five signs that someone may be emotionally immature.

1. They have difficulty managing their emotions. Emotional maturity influences a person’s ability to recognize and share their feelings. People who are emotionally immature may not know how to identify, verbalize, and express their emotions. This can lead to mood swings and poor communication. They may also lack the compassion and comprehension to acknowledge other people’s feelings.

2. They don’t handle conflict well. How a person handles conflict says a lot about their maturity level. Emotionally immature people often respond to conflict and crisis with deflection, defensiveness, or isolation.

3. They have a hard time taking accountability for their mistakes. Instead of admitting a mistake or wrongdoing, emotionally immature people avoid responsibility and blame others when things go wrong. They may even lie to avoid uncomfortable conversations or situations.

4. They show poor impulse control. When people don’t know how to control their impulses, they’re more likely to engage in reckless, unpredictable, or harmful behaviors. People who struggle with impulsivity often have a hard time considering the consequences of their actions beforehand.

5. They have narcissistic tendencies. Emotionally immature people can share similar characteristics with people who have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). For example, people who are emotionally immature may feel entitled to special treatment, require frequent praise and admiration, and take advantage of others to get what they want.

Dig deeper:

• Dealing with someone who has low emotional intelligence

What causes emotional immaturity?

Emotional immaturity often stems from early life experiences and can be shaped by:

• Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs): Trauma, neglect, abuse, or loss can disrupt emotional development.

• Lack of caregiver support: Without consistent guidance, children may have difficulty developing healthy emotional habits.

• Parenting style and culture: Overprotective parenting or cultural pressure to hide emotions can limit emotional growth.

• Mental health conditions: Mental health conditions like attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), borderline personality disorder (BPD), or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can affect emotional regulation.

How to develop emotional maturity

It’s never too late to develop emotional maturity. Even if you’ve had challenges with emotional immaturity in the past, with a desire to change and access to the right resources and support, you can learn how to become more emotionally mature.

If you want to grow your emotional maturity, you can start by:

• Cultivating greater self-awareness: Sometimes, when people struggle with inappropriate emotions and behaviors, it’s because they don’t fully understand who they are and what they want. One way to become more emotionally mature is to increase your self-awareness, meaning your ability to recognize your emotions, what triggers them, and how they influence your behaviors, goals, and relationships.

• Taking responsibility for your actions: Emotional maturity means holding yourself accountable for your decisions in life, even when you make mistakes or do something wrong. Instead of complaining or blaming someone else, choosing a more solution-based approach will allow you to take ownership and accountability.

• Adopting a growth mindset: Emotional maturity won’t happen overnight, but a commitment to growth can help you become the best version of yourself. By taking the time to challenge your existing thoughts and assumptions, you’re creating space to set new goals, develop additional skills, and grow as a person.

• Seeking professional mental health support: If you’re looking to become more emotionally mature, consider working with a qualified mental health professional. Therapy offers people a safe space to learn healthier coping methods, cultivate self-awareness, and create more meaningful connections with others.

Find care with Rula

If you’re struggling with an emotionally unavailable partner or poor emotional regulation yourself, consider seeking professional support. While emotional immaturity is not a diagnosable mental health condition, it can be a sign of an underlying mental health condition or other unresolved concerns.

Rula is here to make it easier to find the right therapist for your needs. With our therapist-matching program, you can match with a provider who takes your insurance in under three minutes. And our network of over 15,000 providers means you can be seen as soon as tomorrow.