Feeling self-conscious? Overcome it with these five expert tips

Imagine you’ve been invited to a party that’s being hosted by an acquaintance. You don’t know any of the other attendees, and it’s been a while since you attended a social event in person. As you walk up to the door, you start to feel a little anxious. You wonder if you’ll make a good impression, if you’ll meet anyone you can talk to, and if you picked the right outfit. 

This uncomfortable scenario is one that most people can probably relate to. It’s an example of the self-consciousness that can bubble up when we become hyper-aware of ourselves and how others perceive us. 

People can feel self-conscious in all sorts of scenarios. But it might be more common in new social situations or when a person feels uncomfortable about their physical appearance. It can ebb and flow depending on the situation, and feeling this way doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you. 

However, if you experience frequent, severe self-consciousness that keeps you from fully living your life, know that there are things you can do to feel more comfortable in your own skin. 

Five ways to feel less self-conscious and more comfortable in your own skin 

Everyone feels insecure sometimes. But if you’re experiencing excessive self-consciousness, there are things you can do to feel more confident and less focused on what other people may think.

1. Bring a buddy. Sometimes, having a trusted friend by your side can help you feel confident in new situations. Whether it’s attending a party, joining a workout class, or doing a presentation, it’s OK to ask someone to join you for support.
2. Practice gratitude. If you’re feeling self-conscious about your appearance, consider all the amazing things your body does for you every day. And remember, you don’t have to love your body all the time to appreciate it.
3. Celebrate accomplishments. It’s so easy to focus on the negative. But acknowledging your strengths and achievements, no matter how small, can give you a self-confidence boost.
4. Have compassion. It’s OK to feel self-conscious sometimes. So be kind to yourself when negative thoughts come up.  
5. Audit your feed. Take a scroll through your social media feeds. Are you following any accounts that make you feel bad about yourself? If so, unfollow them, and try to curate a digital experience that empowers and uplifts you.

Understanding self-conscious emotions

Empathy, guilt, jealousy, shame, and pride are all considered self-conscious emotions because they impact how we view ourselves and how we relate to other people. These emotions are part of being human, and there’s nothing wrong with feeling self-conscious sometimes. It can become an issue, however, when it impacts your well-being, relationships, and daily functioning. 

When this happens, it could be a sign of an underlying mental health concern. For instance, people living with social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), or body dysmorphia may be more prone to self-consciousness. 

But you don’t have to be diagnosed with a mental health condition to struggle with how you see yourself. If you need support for self-consciousness, it’s OK to ask for help.

Feeling self-conscious about your body? You’re not alone

Many people feel self-conscious about their bodies. This often stems from people comparing themselves to other people. And with the rise of social media, it’s easier than ever to encounter unrealistic beauty standards that can leave you feeling bad about yourself. 

Being bullied or teased about your body can also increase self-consciousness. Even well-meaning comments about weight, food, or body size can leave a lasting impression. Sometimes, this starts at a young age at home, school, or with peers. But people of any age can struggle with body image.

Over time, always feeling self-conscious can negatively impact your life in many ways. It may make you less likely to engage socially, try new things, or seek help when you need it. Chronic self-consciousness can also take a toll on your mental health. One study found a strong link between self-consciousness and depression, social anxiety, and social phobia. And when it’s debilitating and chronic, self-consciousness can also be a sign of body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). 

How to help a friend or family member with self-consciousness

If a friend, loved one, or child is struggling with self-consciousness, there are some things you can do to help. Start by validating their feelings. It might be tempting to try to convince them to see themselves the way you do. For example, if someone says “I can’t believe I messed that up again; I can’t do anything right,” you might want to rattle off all the reasons that’s not true. But doing so could come across as dismissive or minimizing. 

Instead, listen actively, reflect what you hear, and let the person know that their feelings are valid. You can also remind them of their talents and gifts when it feels natural to do so. Even if they don’t agree with you in the moment, encouraging comments can have a positive impact. Lastly, if the person’s self-consciousness is interfering with their life and it doesn’t seem to be getting better, consider suggesting professional help.   

Find care with Rula 

Everyone doubts their abilities or worries what other people think about them every once in a while. But excessive self-consciousness can negatively affect your well-being in many ways. It can also be a sign of a more serious mental health concern. So if you’re struggling with self-confidence or how you see yourself, know that help is available. 

Rula makes it easy to connect with a provider who takes your insurance and offers the specialized care you deserve. When you need mental health support, you can use our therapist-matching program to find the right provider for your needs in just a few clicks. With Rula, you can access affordable, accessible mental healthcare from the comfort of home.

Find a therapist with Rula