Five ways to practice self-compassion to transform your well-being

It’s often said that people are their own worst critics, which begs the question: Why not be our own biggest fans? One way to treat yourself more kindly is to cultivate greater self-compassion. Self-compassion involves showing yourself the same warmth, concern, and support that you would offer a good friend.

According to Dr. Kristin Neff, a research psychologist who pioneered the study of self-compassion, the concept is based on three key components: self-kindness, a sense of common humanity, and mindfulness. Self-compassion allows people to be understanding, instead of judgmentmental, toward themselves during difficult moments. 

Everyone has moments of struggle and suffering, and it’s important to accept that this is a normal part of life. And by reacting with self-compassion, we can learn to turn pain into acceptance so negative emotions don’t take over. 

Why self-compassion matters

Practicing self-compassion allows us to be kinder toward ourselves. Self-compassion is associated with increased happiness, optimism, and life satisfaction. Plus, research has found that people with greater self-compassion are less likely to experience mental health concerns like stress, anxiety, and depression. 

Self-compassion is also associated with other benefits, including:

• Physical health: Self-compassion can lead to healthy behaviors, like following a balanced diet, getting regular exercise, and seeking and adhering to medical treatment.
• Growth mindset: People with self-compassion are more likely to reflect on their strengths and limitations and view failure as a learning opportunity.
• Emotional resilience: Some research suggests that people with more self-compassion spend less time dwelling on unproductive thoughts.

Why self-compassion can be tricky to embrace

Self-compassion affects how we view ourselves during moments of failure, distress, and personal suffering. As stated by Neff, “if you are continually judging and criticizing yourself while trying to be kind to others, you are drawing artificial boundaries and distinctions that only lead to feelings of separation and isolation.”

Self-compassion isn’t always easy to come by. Even if you’re compassionate toward others, you may be critical or judgemental when it comes to your own thoughts and feelings. Issues with low self-esteem and self-worth can also make it difficult to cultivate self-compassion. Some people even mistakenly see self-compassion as a sign of weakness or selfishness, though it’s actually considered essential for inner strength and resiliency.

Here are some signs that you find it difficult to practice self-compassion:

• You tend to obsess and fixate on things when you’re feeling down.
• You become consumed by feelings of inadequacy when you fail or make a mistake.
• You get carried away by your feelings when you’re upset.
• You think that other people deserve happiness more than you do.

Five practical ways to increase self-compassion

The good news is that it’s never too late to start treating yourself with kindness. Here are five practical exercises that encourage self-compassion. 

1. Using positive self-talk: An affirmation is a positive statement that can help you overcome negative thought patterns and focus on more empowering perspectives. Reciting a positive affirmation each morning, like “I love and respect myself,” can help you foster positive thinking and self-compassion throughout the day. If possible, try reciting your affirmation in front of a mirror so that you can see eyes and face. 

2. Journaling: Journaling offers countless mental health benefits, including improved self-awareness, emotional expression, and decision making abilities. It can also help you cultivate greater self-compassion by allowing you to process your emotions and experiences. Here are three journal prompts to get you started:

• Describe how you’re feeling today. What emotions are you experiencing? How can you be kind to yourself in response to these feelings?
• List three things you appreciate about yourself today. This can be anything, including qualities and achievements. 
• Consider something that bothers you about yourself. Now write yourself a letter from the perspective of a supportive and compassionate friend.

3. Practicing mindfulness and meditation: Mindfulness is a core component of self-compassion. By focusing on the present moment, you can learn to experience your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Even simple activities, like focusing on your breath, can help you release self-critical thoughts and cultivate more self-awareness.

4. Establishing a self-care routine: Self-care involves taking the time to prioritize your emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. While self-compassion means regarding yourself with kindness, self-care focuses on treating yourself with kindness. Some simple ways to practice self-care include establishing good sleep habits, drinking enough water, moving your body, and finding ways to relax and recharge.

5. Treating yourself like a friend: How would you respond if a good friend came to you with a problem or concern? If you’d react with empathy and encouragement, then show yourself that same kindness. Next time to find yourself feeling down, consider the advice and body language you’d use with a friend. 

How therapy can encourage self-compassion

If you’re interested in becoming more self-compassionate, consider finding a therapist to support your journey. Therapy offers people an open and supportive space to identify and challenge harmful thought patterns and behaviors and develop healthier coping methods for difficult situations. 

The exact type of therapy will depend on your needs and your therapist’s preferences, but some research suggests that mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) is an effective tool for increasing self-compassion.

Find care with Rula 

Self-compassion is an important skill for managing challenging and distressing situations. If you struggle with self-compassion, know that it’s never too late to learn how to cultivate greater self-kindness and self-awareness. 

At Rula, we make it simple to find the right therapist to help you feel your best. With our therapist-matching platform, you can find someone who takes your insurance and treats your specific mental health concerns. Plus, our extensive network of therapists means you can meet with a provider virtually as soon as tomorrow.

Find a therapist with Rula