The power of self-acceptance

Societal expectations and other external factors can try to mold us into people we aren’t. This can make us resent who we naturally are or motivate us to become versions of ourselves that are out of reach or even harmful. But self-acceptance can help set us free. 

Self-acceptance is different from self-love or self-esteem. It means that you accept all parts of yourself. Self-acceptance also isn’t tied to your accomplishments or the approval of others, like can be the case with self-esteem. 

And while self-love is a related term, it also isn’t the same as self-acceptance. Instead, self-love refers to treating yourself with compassion, supporting your emotional and physical needs.

But self-acceptance doesn’t mean you don’t recognize parts of yourself that can be improved. In fact, this can bring you clarity in the areas of your life you’d like to improve. It isn’t always easy to accept parts of yourself you don’t like, but working with a therapist can help. 

Why self-acceptance is important

Self-acceptance can do wonders for mental health. Instead of wishing you had certain characteristics that may be unattainable or unrealistic, you learn how to embrace your natural attributes — both positive, negative and neutral. 

This acceptance can grant you inner peace. Instead of striving to be somebody you’re not, you can focus on who you actually are. For example, you might be introverted and sometimes feel bad for declining an invitation to a party.

Self acceptance would look like acknowledging that recharging in solitude is what helps you feel balanced and fulfilled. Instead of feeling guilty or forcing yourself to be more social, you embrace your introverted nature and do things that are more in alignment with your authentic self. 

Self-acceptance can benefit you in other areas of your life too: 

• Relationships: For all genders, there’s societal pressure to look or act a certain way. But living in a way that isn’t aligned with who you truly are might attract people who aren’t compatible fits. We all deserve friendships and romantic relationships in which we can be ourselves. 
• Career: As a child, you may have wanted to be an actress but realized that you’re an introvert who doesn’t like being in the spotlight. Instead, you decide to focus on your interest in science to pursue a medical career. By pursuing what you like, you can cultivate these skills and feel a sense of belonging in your field. 
• Emotional health: When you feel badly about yourself, it can actually impact your brain. Lower levels of self-acceptance can increase stress, which can negatively affect emotional health. 
• Resiliency: Self-acceptance can help you handle life’s challenges. When you accept yourself fully, you’ll realize that not getting what you want doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.

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Barriers to self-acceptance

If self-acceptance was easy, people wouldn’t be swayed by messages that tell them they’re not enough as they are. By understanding which obstacles make it hard for you to accept yourself, you can learn how to knock them down. 

Here are some ways you may be unintentionally blocking yourself from self-acceptance: 

• Past trauma: Trauma can change the brain. Past traumatic events — such as an abusive relationship or experiencing neglect as a child — can impact your self-worth and leave you with emotional wounds. You may struggle to accept who you are because you’ve been abused or belittled.
• Negative self-talk: Negative thoughts about ourselves are common, but they can easily spiral out of control. If you constantly think, “I can’t do anything right,” you might reject parts or all of yourself. 
• Social media: Don’t compare your behind the scenes with someone’s highlight reel as seen on social media. This kind of comparison can make self-acceptance hard.
• Marketing and advertisements:  Be aware of how you feel when watching ads, commercials, or seeing targeted marketing for products.These can often leave us feeling hypercritical about our appearance or where we are in our life.   

How to cultivate unconditional self-acceptance

Self-acceptance isn’t a destination that you reach but rather a lifelong process. You may have moments of strong self-acceptance and others where it falters. That’s OK and normal. 

With that in mind, here are ways to develop and strengthen your self-acceptance:

• Practice self-compassion. It can be hard to accept yourself if you don’t have self-compassion. This can especially be a difficult skill to learn if your parents or caregivers didn’t treat you kindly. Therapy and practices like self-compassion meditations can be valuable resources to help you. 
• Try shadow work. Shadow work allows people to explore parts of themselves they’ve repressed and learn to accept them. For example, you might think putting yourself first is unacceptable because your parents conditioned you to always think of others. When you prioritize yourself, you may find that you like yourself more or you have more energy.
• Share your full self with people you trust. It can be scary to talk about sides of yourself that you’re not proud of. But this kind of vulnerability can actually strengthen relationships. Pick people you trust — like close friends or family — to have these conversations with.
• Forgive yourself. We all have regrets. This is part of being human. Write out some of your regrets, big or small. You can practice forgiving yourself for things like what you didn’t know in the past or steps you didn’t or couldn’t take to accomplish a goal. 
• Focus on your strengths. Write down your strengths and accomplishments you’re proud of. Spend some time reliving those bright moments. Whenever you’re having trouble accepting yourself, refer back to this list.

Signs you may need professional help 

While self-care strategies can help, they may not be enough. Therapy can also foster self-acceptance. These signs may indicate that you could benefit from professional support in accepting yourself: 

• Chronic self-loathing: If you find yourself unable to think of yourself positively most of the time, you might be experiencing self-loathing. This means you constantly feel hate for yourself. 
• A sense of inadequacy: When trying to do the strengths exercise above or something similar, it may be tough to come up with strengths or accomplishments. This could lead to feelings of inadequacy about yourself.
• Hyper self-criticism: If people around you notice that you’re always criticizing yourself, this could be a sign you could benefit from outside support. 
• Loss of joy: If you find yourself not being able to enjoy things you used to, you could be depressed because of your struggle with self-acceptance. 
• Substance use or increased substance use: Some people use alcohol or drugs to try to numb self-loathing or feelings of worthlessness. You may need the help of a therapist to identify the underlying reasons why you use certain substances. 

Find care with Rula

Self-acceptance isn’t always a skill we’re encouraged to cultivate. Instead, it’s become normalized to only show the parts of ourselves we deem “acceptable.” This can lead us to hiding ourselves and feeling ashamed of who we are. But know that none of us are perfect. The journey to accept this can be difficult, but, with the right support, you can strengthen your self-acceptance. 

This is where Rula comes in. With an extensive network of over 10,000 providers, you can find a compatible fit. Schedule an appointment via live video as soon as tomorrow.

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