Key Takeaways
- Words of affirmation, or verbal expressions of love, can help your partner feel cared for and appreciated.
- Different people have different needs, so it’s important to be on the same page about how often you expect words of affirmation.
- Couples counseling can help if you and your partner are caught in a cycle of arguments about how you express your love for each other.
There are many ways to express that you love and care for someone. Some people might give you hugs, while others might make the effort to keep in touch consistently. One important way to express love for the people in your life is through words of affirmation.
Incorporating words of affirmation in your relationship can help your loved ones feel appreciated and cared for. While people have different needs for verbal expressions of love, words of affirmation can be a powerful way to express your appreciation for another person and strengthen your relationship.
Examples of words of affirmation
Words of affirmation can look different depending on who’s saying them (and who’s hearing them). It’s important for words of affirmation to feel meaningful and personalized. What’s meaningful for one person may not be meaningful for another.
Generally, it can be helpful to remember that affirmations are slightly different from praise, even though the two terms are often used interchangeably. Words of praise usually encourage people for specific achievements. For example, you might tell a child, “Good job on getting an A on your math test!”
Affirmations, on the other hand, draw out deeper qualities of each person and reflect back their inherent worth. You’re affirming what’s already present — your appreciation and love for the person (and the traits and qualities about them that are lovable to you).
Words of affirmation can be as deep or meaningful as you want them to be. Affirming specific things can sometimes be more meaningful, but a simple “I love you” is what’s needed sometimes as well.
Some examples of word of affirmation shared with a loved one include:
- “Thank you so much for helping me with that. You’re so thoughtful.”
- “I love the way you make me laugh.”
- “You’ve been working so hard at your job lately, and I know it’s important to you to take care of us. I really appreciate that about you.”
- “I love you so much.”
- “I love how kind you are to everyone around you.”
- “You’re such a funny person. I can see how everyone loves being around you.”
- “You are beautiful. That color really suits you.”
- “I treasure the time that we have together.”
- “I’m so grateful to you for loving me as I am.”
- “I love the way you go after your dreams.”
- “I’m always here for you whenever you need me.”
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Why words of affirmation are important
Words of affirmation come more naturally to some people than others. But even if it feels a little awkward to verbally express your love and appreciation, it can be important to do so.
Words of affirmation can be one way to help your partner (or other people you have important relationships with) feel more appreciated. And research shows that when people feel more appreciated on a daily basis, it improves their overall well-being.
Words of affirmation can also be an important way to maintain positive communication in your relationship. So often, we get lost in the day-to-day struggles and annoyances of life. Prioritizing words of affirmation can make sure that you’re communicating about the positive things as well.
Overall, words of affirmation can make relationships stronger. In one study, verbally expressing gratitude to friends helped people feel like the friendship was stronger.
But it’s also important to note that some people may express their love and affection in different ways. Just because somebody doesn’t offer you words of affirmation doesn’t mean that they don’t love and appreciate you. This may have to do with their cultural background or their attachment style. In some cultures, people may even feel embarrassed about receiving words of affirmation. It’s important to express love in ways that feel meaningful both for you and the person on the other end.
How to use words of affirmation in your relationship
There are many cultural and individual reasons why you might have a harder time verbally expressing your love.
If you struggle with verbally expressing your love in a relationship, it can first help to talk with your partner about how they feel about it. Research shows that people with lower self-esteem are more likely to assume that their partner wouldn’t benefit from expressions of love and are therefore less likely to use words of affirmation.
It’s partly because offering words of affirmation involves opening yourself up to vulnerability. This can be scary. If your partner lets you know how meaningful it is for them to hear words of affirmation, you may feel more motivated to verbally express your love, even if it’s uncomfortable at first.
Although it may feel unnatural, it can also help to set specific goals around words of affirmation. For example, you might set a goal of telling your partner one thing you like about them twice a week. As you practice reaching these goals, giving words of affirmation regularly may start feeling more natural for you.
You can also start by expressing words of affirmation in ways that feel more comfortable for you. For example, if you’re more comfortable with written communication, you might write a love letter or send an affirming text during the day.
If you and your partner are caught in a cycle of arguing about how either of you express (or don’t express) your affection, couples counseling may be the next best step. A couples counselor can help you navigate these differences, communicate your needs more effectively, and work on strengthening your relationship in ways that feel meaningful for both of you.
I have seen words of affirmation change the tone of a relationship. Being intentional about affirming your partner can bring about a more positive view of each other and allow you to focus on the love between you.
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Words of affirmation can be a powerful way to help your partner feel loved and appreciated. It’s important for you and your partner to be on the same page about how you express your love so that you both feel happy and satisfied. If you’re having a hard time coming to an agreement, couples counseling can help.
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About the author
Saya Des Marais
Saya graduated with her Master in Social Work (MSW) with a concentration in mental health from the University of Southern California in 2010. She formerly worked as a therapist and motivational interviewing trainer in community clinics, public schools, mental health startups, and more.
Her writing has been featured in FORTUNE, GoodRX, PsychCentral, and dozens of mental health apps and therapy websites. Through both her clinical work and her personal OCD diagnosis, she’s learned the importance of making empathetic and accurate mental health content available online.
She lives in Portland, Oregon but you can find her almost just as often in Mexico or in her birthplace, Tokyo.
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