Signs of poor communication — and how it can impact your relationship

Communication is one of the most important components of a healthy relationship, but it’s an ongoing process of learning. It’s normal for communication to fluctuate during the course of a relationship. But if you’ve noticed signs of poor communication consistently in your relationship, you may need to take action to resolve it. Ongoing communication challenges can create strain in a relationship.

Couples counseling is one way you can strengthen communication and break unhealthy patterns. A therapist can help you and your partner recognize communication styles that aren’t working, learn more effective ways to express yourselves, and practice having healthier conversations in a neutral setting. 

What can communication issues look like in a relationship?

Communication issues within a relationship can take many different forms. Some couples might communicate aggressively and ineffectively, while others might cease communication altogether. Explore these examples of communication issues in a relationship. 

Aggressive or toxic communication

Aggressive communication can look like yelling, insulting, or demeaning the other person. If aggressive communication is the norm in your relationship, you might feel like you’re never able to resolve any conflict because one or both of you are so quick to anger. 

For example, you might try to bring up a concern, but, before you can even finish your sentence, your partner raises their voice and starts blaming you — so instead of talking through the issue, you both end up arguing until one of you walks away.

If this pattern makes you feel afraid, unheard, or constantly blamed, it may be a sign of emotional abuse. Support from a therapist or trusted loved ones can help you decide whether to set boundaries, seek help, or leave the relationship.

Passive-aggressive communication

Passive-aggressive communication is when you don’t express your anger or discontentment directly but instead use more subtle ways to communicate your frustration. 

For example, you might tell your partner that you’re not angry but then ignore their calls for the rest of the day or make sarcastic comments that leave them feeling confused and upset. Over time, this kind of indirect communication can lead to resentment and emotional distance.

One-sided communication

One-sided communication can happen in couples where one partner is insistent about communicating and resolving conflict, while the other partner withdraws or avoids conflict. This can make both partners feel frustrated — one feels ignored and unheard, while the other feels pressured to engage when they don’t want to. 

For example, you might want to talk about something that’s been bothering you, but your partner shuts down and refuses to engage. This can leave you feeling like you’re carrying the emotional weight of the relationship alone.

Inconsistency in communication

Communication patterns within couples naturally fluctuate over time, and that’s OK. For example, you might have a very busy period at work where you’re not able to communicate as consistently. But if this inconsistency is a more general pattern, it could be a form of unhealthy communication. 

One day, your partner might be affectionate and engaged, and the next, they barely acknowledge you. This kind of hot-and-cold communication can make you feel unsure about where you stand in the relationship.

No communication

When communication ceases altogether, it could be a sign of trouble. No communication can look different ways. For example, one partner might give the other the cold shoulder during a conflict, refusing to speak at all. Or both partners might stop engaging in meaningful conversations and retreat into their individual lives, only talking about logistical things like bills or errands but never actually connecting. Over time, this can create distance.

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How poor communication affects your relationship

Relationship research has consistently found that healthy and positive communication patterns increase relationship satisfaction.

Not only are couples who communicate better more satisfied than those who don’t, but improvements in communication within a relationship are often linked to increased satisfaction. One study found that couples were more satisfied in the relationship when there were fewer negative interactions, but they weren’t necessarily significantly more satisfied when they had better-than-average communication.

This shows that communication may not be a simple one-size-fits-all solution for an automatically happy relationship. Communication patterns tend to fluctuate over time within the same relationship. And it may be more important to fix broader problematic communication patterns than striving to be great at it all the time.

Research also suggests that communication and relationship satisfaction influence each other — couples who are happier tend to communicate better, while poor communication can contribute to dissatisfaction, creating a cycle that may be difficult to break.

Poor communication can negatively impact your relationship, leading to: 

• More frequent and unresolved conflicts: When communication is ineffective, conflicts tend to go in circles without reaching a resolution.
• Emotional distance: If one or both partners start to withdraw emotionally due to communication barriers, you may start to feel disconnected. 
• Resentment: Unspoken frustrations and unhappiness can turn into long-term resentment.
• Loss of trust: If communication is inconsistent or unreliable, it can break the foundation of trust in the relationship.
• Increased anxiety and insecurity: Unclear or inconsistent communication can create uncertainty about where you stand in the relationship. 
• Avoidance of difficult conversations: Poor communication can make it hard to bring up important issues, making it harder to overcome challenges together. 
• Greater likelihood of breakups or divorce: Many relationships that end in a breakup or divorce do so because of ongoing communication issues.

What to do when communication stops

Are you feeling like poor communication is impacting your relationship? There are ways to improve communication and strengthen your bond. 

Explore these tips: 

• Learn about what healthy communication styles look like. Knowing how to communicate well can be a learned skill. Observing good role models can make a big difference in improving your communication in the relationship. You can also seek out resources like books, online courses, or workshops that focus on improving communication skills. Practicing these strategies, like using ‘I’ statements or active listening, in your daily interactions can help you develop healthier communication habits over time. 
• Prioritize in-person communication. Although we might text or talk on the phone from time to time, research shows face-to-face communication improves relationship satisfaction. If you’ve noticed that you and your partner mostly communicate through text and don’t have deep conversations anymore, try making time for in-person activities where you can really connect. 
• Seek professional support. Couples therapy can provide a neutral space where you can work out conflicts with your partner. A couples therapist can serve as an in-the-moment communication coach and help you correct unhelpful communication patterns as they’re happening and practice healthier ways to express yourselves.

Find care with Rula

Improving communication in a relationship can take time, but it’s possible with the right support. If you and your partner are struggling to communicate, working with a therapist can help you build healthier habits and break unhelpful patterns. 

At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best. 

Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we’re here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.

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