Key Takeaways
- Polyamorous relationships are more common than people may think. They benefit from open communication, trust, and mutual understanding, just like any other relationship.
- Polyamorous couples therapy helps partners strengthen communication, manage challenges, and build healthy relationships.
- Finding a polyamory-affirming therapist is important to ensure support that respects and understands your relationship structure.
Polyamorous relationships are more common than many people realize. Research estimates that up to 23% of people in the U.S. have engaged in ethical nonmonogamy (ENM) — which includes polyamory, open relationships, and other forms of consensual nonmonogamy.
Polyamorous couples therapy can strengthen your relationships by providing a safe and supportive space for you and your partners to work through challenges, improve communication, and build deeper connections. A polyamory-affirming therapist understands the dynamics of polyamorous relationships and can offer guidance tailored to your unique needs.
For polyamorous couples, having a therapist who respects and affirms your relationship style is crucial. With the right support, you can strengthen your bonds, navigate complexities, and create healthier, more fulfilling connections with your partners.
Benefits of couples therapy in polyamorous relationships
Polyamorous relationships — like any other relationships — require effort, communication, and trust. However, they also come with unique challenges that can be difficult to navigate without support. Couples therapy designed for polyamorous relationships can help you and your partners strengthen your connections, work through conflicts, and build a foundation of mutual respect and understanding.
Challenges polyamorous couples face in therapy
Not all therapists are familiar with or accepting of polyamory or ENM, which may make it difficult to find support that aligns with your values. Some therapists may unconsciously impose monogamous norms, which can make therapy feel invalidating rather than supportive.
A polyamory-affirming therapist recognizes that polyamory itself isn’t inherently problematic and instead helps partners navigate the relational dynamics and challenges that may arise.
Some common challenges polyamorous couples face in therapy include:
- Jealousy and insecurity: It’s normal to feel jealous sometimes, even in ethical nonmonogamy. Jealousy is an emotion, not a sign of failure. Therapy can help you understand these feelings and find healthy ways to cope.
- Time and energy balance: Managing multiple relationships takes effort. Therapy can help you assess your capacity, set realistic expectations, and make sure everyone gets the time and care they need.
- Communication struggles: Clear and honest communication is key in polyamory. Therapy can help you and your partners express needs, set boundaries, and handle tough conversations.
- Outside judgment: Polyamorous couples may face criticism from others. A supportive therapist can help you process this and feel more secure in your relationships.
Skills learned in polyamorous couples therapy
A polyamory-affirming therapist can teach you and your partners practical tools to improve your relationships. Some of these skills include:
- Healthy boundary setting: Learning how to establish and communicate clear boundaries with each partner
- Conflict resolution: Developing strategies to work through disagreements in a respectful and constructive way
- Emotional regulation: Understanding and managing emotions like jealousy, frustration, or insecurity
- Effective communication: Practicing open and honest conversations to foster deeper connections
- Navigating relationship agreements: Setting clear expectations and making adjustments over time to ensure that all partners feel respected and heard
By working with a polyamory-affirming therapist, you and your partners can strengthen your relationships, address challenges with confidence, and build a more fulfilling dynamic that works for everyone involved.
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How polyamory-affirming therapy works
Therapists who are affirming of polyamory understand that love and commitment don’t look the same for everyone. Unlike traditional relationship therapy, which often focuses on two partners, this type of therapy considers the needs, boundaries, and emotions of multiple people. The goal is to create a space where all partners feel heard, respected, and supported.
Polyamorous couples therapy uses a variety of evidence-based approaches to address the unique dynamics of nonmonogamous relationships. Similar to traditional couples therapy, it focuses on improving communication, emotional intimacy, and conflict resolution.
While many evidence-based approaches — such as emotionally focused therapy (EFT) — have been widely researched in monogamous couples, therapists may adapt them to better fit polyamorous relationships. Integrative therapy allows therapists to combine methods from different models to suit each couple’s needs.
Finding the right couples therapist
To start polyamorous couples therapy, find a therapist who’s knowledgeable and affirming of polyamory. When you’re looking through therapist profiles, pay attention to terms like “polyamory-affirming” or “ethical nonmonogamy-friendly.”
When choosing a therapist, look for someone who respects your relationship style and makes you feel comfortable. Consider asking these questions during your consultation:
- What’s your experience with polyamorous clients?
- How do you approach polyamory in therapy?
- How do you help with issues like jealousy and communication?
In addition to asking these questions, watch for red flags, like a therapist who assumes nonmonogamy is the cause of your relationship challenges or encourages monogamy as a solution.
If something doesn’t feel right, it’s OK to keep looking for a better fit. Finding the right therapist is important for your comfort and progress in therapy. Trust your instincts, and don’t hesitate to seek out someone who makes you feel safe, heard, and respected in your relationship dynamics. The right therapist will help you navigate challenges in a way that feels aligned with your values and needs.
Find care with Rula
Polyamorous relationships — like all relationships — require communication, trust, and effort to thrive. While they come with unique challenges, therapy can help partners navigate emotions, set boundaries, and build stronger connections. A therapist experienced in working with nonmonogamous relationships can create a nonjudgmental space to help you explore challenges and strengthen communication. With the right support, you and your partners can create healthy, fulfilling relationships that align with your values.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we’re here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
About the author
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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