How perfectionism can affect your mental health

From an outsider’s perspective, it might seem like there aren’t any downsides to having perfectionistic tendencies. Who wouldn’t want to be more detail-oriented, have high personal standards, and be known as dependable and reliable?

It’s true that perfectionism can be helpful when it’s harnessed appropriately. But if it gets out of hand, perfectionism can lead to high stress and other mental health issues. Additionally, it can strain relationships, as perfectionists may become overly critical of themselves and others, leading to conflict and instability. Fortunately, there are ways to manage perfectionism so you can find more balance.  

Perfectionism and mental health

Perfectionism can look different for different people, but it generally means having very high standards and striving for an ideal that’s impossible to reach. This constant push for flawlessness often leads to ongoing frustration, as such a perfect standard can never truly be achieved.

We’re all human. And no matter how hard we try, humans make mistakes. A person without perfectionistic tendencies can usually accept their mistakes and move on. But someone who struggles with perfectionism may have a hard time accepting that they’re not perfect. 

Although perfectionism isn’t a diagnosable mental health condition, it is strongly linked to mental health issues. Some mental health conditions that may be associated with perfectionism include:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Anorexia, bulimia, and other eating disorders
• Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) 
• Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)
• Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)

A person who shows signs of perfectionism could be at higher risk of developing these conditions. And the reverse is also true: Someone with one of these conditions could display high levels of perfectionism.

Signs and types of perfectionism

Perfectionism can show up in various ways, impacting both daily tasks and relationships. If you have perfectionistic tendencies, you may: 

• Struggle to complete tasks: You may feel constant dissatisfaction with your work, no matter how well it’s done, which can make it hard to follow through on things.
• Have a difficult time making decisions: An overwhelming fear of making mistakes or not meeting high standards is a common sign of perfectionism
• Constantly redo tasks: You may repeatedly refine your work in an effort to achieve perfection.
• Need to work on something until it “feels right:” You may insist on continuing work until it meets your internal standard of correctness, even if you never reach that point.
• Be overly critical of yourself and others: A tendency to focus on flaws and shortcomings, both in yourself and those around you, can be a sign of perfectionism.
• Strive to keep your space perfectly organized: You may excessively focus on orderliness to avoid perceived imperfections.
• Be quick to anger: If you experience perfectionism, you may react strongly to situations that don’t align with your high expectations.
• Be late or miss social arrangements frequently: You may struggle to balance perfectionistic demands with time management.
• Get into arguments with friends and loved ones: Conflicts may arise from your high expectations and rigid standards.
• Be very particular about what you eat or wear: You may focus on precise control over your personal choices to achieve an ideal appearance or behavior. 
• Care a lot about how you look: Another sign of perfectionism is an intense focus on your appearance.

It can be challenging to tell the difference between someone who has high standards and someone with perfectionistic tendencies. People who strive for excellence (but don’t experience perfectionism) are able to reward themselves and can appreciate their accomplishments, maintaining a balanced perspective on their success. In contrast, people with perfectionistic traits frequently focus solely on their shortcomings and have difficulty acknowledging their accomplishments, leading to chronic dissatisfaction.

Why people have perfectionistic tendencies

There can be many reasons that people develop perfectionistic tendencies, with low self-esteem often playing a significant role. However, cultural expectations, familial pressures, personal experiences, and mental health issues can also contribute to the development of perfectionism. 

People may develop perfectionistic tendencies for a variety of reasons, including:

• Low self-esteem: People with low self-esteem may set excessively high standards for themselves in an attempt to compensate for feelings of inadequacy or to seek external validation. This drive for perfection can be a way to prove their worth or avoid criticism.
• Cultural and familial expectations: Cultural norms and family pressures can drive perfectionism. When success is highly valued and failure is frowned upon, people may become perfectionistic to meet these high expectations and avoid criticism or disappointment.
• High personal standards: Some people have perfectionistic tendencies because they genuinely value high achievement and excellence. Their drive for perfection reflects their ambition and commitment to personal or professional goals rather than a response to insecurity.
• Personal experiences: Trauma or high-stress situations can lead to perfectionism, as people may use it as a way to regain control and stability after facing significant challenges or criticism.
• Personality traits: Some personality traits — like being very detail oriented, having obsessive-compulsive tendencies, or exhibiting narcissistic traits — can make people more prone to perfectionism. Those who need a lot of order and control may be especially likely to develop perfectionistic behaviors.
• Desire for approval: A strong need for others’ approval can fuel perfectionism. People who seek validation and acceptance might set extremely high standards to meet others’ expectations and receive praise.
• Mental health issues: People with mental health conditions may develop perfectionistic tendencies as a way to manage their symptoms or cope with underlying fears and anxieties.

Perfectionism is often driven by a mix of factors. Whether it’s low self-esteem, cultural pressures, past experiences, or mental health issues, perfectionistic tendencies usually stem from a deeper need for validation and control. Recognizing these potential causes and risk factors can help people manage and overcome perfectionistic tendencies.

Six ways to combat perfectionism 

The first step to finding a life beyond the pursuit of perfection is to see how perfectionism might impact your mental health. While qualities like hard work, dedication, and striving for success are valuable, finding a balanced approach can help you harness these traits in a healthier, more adaptive way.

To begin harnessing perfectionism in healthier ways, consider:

1. Building a growth mindset: Rather than focusing on achieving perfection, shift your focus to continuous self-improvement and growth. Embrace the idea that everyone has room for growth and perfection is not a realistic or necessary goal.
2. Focusing on self-acceptance: While perfectionism often drives a continual pursuit of improvement, it’s crucial to balance this with self-acceptance. Recognizing and appreciating your current strengths and accomplishments can reduce the negative impact of perfectionism and support better mental health.
3. Looking at the costs and benefits: Consider the true cost of aiming for perfection, such as the impact on your well-being, versus the actual benefits. If you have to sacrifice your well-being to achieve your goals and reach perfection, is the cost really worth it?
4. Shifting your views of success: You may view success as being the leader in your field, but others may view success as being happy, healthy, loved, and content. Consider reevaluating your definition of success to confront unhealthy levels of perfectionism.
5. Doing less: Although it might feel uncomfortable at first, reducing your workload can be beneficial for managing perfectionism. It’s important to recognize that taking breaks and focusing on other aspects of your life can lead to greater happiness and prevent burnout, even if it feels like you’re not being productive.
6. Meeting with a therapist: Your perfectionistic tendencies may be difficult to manage on your own. But a trained therapist can help you accept your flaws, recognize your strengths, and develop coping mechanisms for a healthier mindset.

Find care with Rula

If you find that your perfectionistic tendencies are negatively impacting your mental health and overall well-being, it might be time to seek help from a mental health professional. A therapist can offer support and strategies tailored to your needs, helping you address the underlying issues contributing to your perfectionism. 

With Rula’s therapist-matching platform, you can quickly find a provider who takes your insurance and has expertise in your specific needs. Plus, with our extensive network of providers, you can find a therapist who can meet with you virtually as soon as tomorrow.

Find a therapist with Rula