Overcoming the challenges of perfectionism and depression

Perfectionism and depression often go hand in hand and can create a complex and frustrating mental health challenge. When combined, perfectionism and depression can make it feel difficult to enjoy each day. The internal pressure to show up perfectly to your standards can become overwhelming and lead to disappointment if those standards aren’t met, which can then worsen feelings of depression. 

On the other hand, depression can worsen perfectionism by intensifying feelings of inadequacy. This can make it even harder for someone to meet their own high expectations.

Navigating perfectionism and depression can be challenging. However, learning about the connection between perfectionism and depression, the signs of both, and how they may impact you can help you better understand this complicated relationship. 

The intersection of perfectionism and depression

Understanding how perfectionism and depression are connected can be essential for learning to manage your symptoms. This is because they often don’t just coexist as separate conditions. Instead, depression and perfectionism can feed into one another, making each condition worse.

People who experience perfectionism focus on a high level of excellence, resulting in self-criticism. This can cause them to feel like they’re never good enough, and they may show increased guilt, sadness, anger, and remorse when they make mistakes. 

Depression is a mental health condition that’s characterized by chronic feelings of sadness and hopelessness. It can affect how someone thinks and feels about themselves and their surroundings.

According to research, perfectionism can increase the risk of depression, as well as other mental health conditions. This is especially true when the constant pressure to be perfect leads to self-criticism and feelings of failure or worthlessness. Depression can magnify feelings of inadequacy or worthlessness. This may fuel the need to be perfect, worsening the symptoms of perfectionism. 

As a result, perfectionism and depression can create a harmful cycle when they occur together, each one worsening the other. This can be challenging to navigate, especially when paired with other symptoms of depression, like fatigue and social withdrawal. 

Signs of depression and perfectionism

Learning how to recognize the signs of depression and perfectionism can be the first step in getting the personalized care you need. In many cases, the signs of depression and perfectionism can overlap. Symptoms of one condition may also increase the severity of the other condition’s symptoms.

Early awareness can make it easier to seek support, adopt healthier changes, and find relief from symptoms sooner. Here are some key signs to look out for if you believe you or a loved one may be experiencing perfectionism and depression:

Constant self-criticism

Because the standards set by someone with perfectionism can be unrealistic and unachievable, they may always feel like they’re falling short. This can lead to self-criticism, lower self-esteem, and harsh self-judgment, which can be a key sign of perfectionism and depression.

Procrastination

It can be difficult to start on a task you’re worried about the results of. If you experience perfectionism, you may delay tasks because you’re afraid of anything but perfect results. Procrastination can lead you to feel frustrated or defeated, and it can make you feel like you’ve failed. This can worsen the symptoms of depression. 

Anger and irritability

It can be frustrating when things don’t go as planned or if the results aren’t what you hoped for. People with perfectionism may find themselves easily frustrated. Irritability is also associated with depression. 

Shame or guilt

People with perfectionism may feel a sense of shame when high standards aren’t met. Feelings of unworthiness or failure are also key features of depression. Because of this, perfectionism and depression can create a challenging negative cycle.

Strategies to help ease the burden

Navigating perfectionism and depression can be challenging. However, there are ways to find relief, both at home and with the help of a healthcare professional. If you experience the perfectionism-depression cycle, it’s important to have a treatment plan that works for your unique needs. 

Some at-home changes you can make to help ease the burden of perfectionism and depression include:

• Challenging perfectionistic thinking: If you notice yourself feeling bad about a task or its results, ask yourself whether your expectations are realistic and fair. By recognizing when perfectionistic thoughts arise, you can address and reframe those thoughts to help reduce the pressure to be perfect.
• Setting achievable goals: Aiming for high-quality results is understandable, and it’s important to set goals that support your overall mental well-being. These goals may include stress reduction or trying to be more gentle with yourself, rather than seeking perfection. Mistakes and flaws are normal, and accepting them can help ease the burden of trying to meet impossibly high standards.
• Practicing self-compassion: Make it a priority to be kind to yourself, no matter the results of what you’re working on. Even when things don’t go as planned, it’s important to forgive yourself. Self-compassion can be a key part of easing the shame and self-criticism associated with both depression and perfectionism.
• Using mindfulness and relaxation techniques: Mindfulness techniques, like meditation and deep breathing, can help you manage the anxiety and stress you may feel with perfectionism. They can also be critical in boosting emotional regulation.

Seeking professional care for perfectionism and depression

Sometimes, you may have trouble managing the symptoms of perfectionism and depression with at-home changes alone. If you’re experiencing perfectionism and depression, professional treatment can help reduce your symptoms and improve your quality of life.

CBT

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most common treatments for many mental health conditions. It focuses on identifying the relationship between thoughts and actions, as well as reframing negative thought patterns to improve mental health. 

CBT can help people facing perfectionism realize that their goals and thoughts may not be achievable before guiding them in setting more realistic standards. This form of therapy can also be helpful for depression. 

Exposure therapy

Exposure therapy can be another beneficial treatment, especially for those navigating perfectionism and depression alongside other conditions like anxiety and OCD. Exposure therapy provides a way to face the fear of making mistakes or not meeting high expectations in a controlled way. This can be a key step in learning that it’s OK to stray away from unrealistic goals of perfection.

Medication

In some cases, medication may be helpful. Medication can be used alongside therapy to help people manage the symptoms of depression. While medication may not have a direct impact on perfectionism, it can provide relief from depressive symptoms, making it easier to engage in other forms of therapy to target perfectionism.

Find care with Rula

Having ambition and goals is an important part of life. However, if you or a loved one struggle with setting realistic goals or experience depression as a result of perfectionism, it can be important to seek the care of a mental health professional.

With Rula, you can browse a selection of mental health providers to find a therapist that meets your needs. Treatment shouldn’t use a one-size-fits-all approach. With Rula’s therapist-matching platform, you can find an in-network therapist who specializes in addressing perfectionism and depression and schedule your first meeting for as soon as tomorrow.

Find a therapist with Rula