Perfectionism and anxiety: Overcoming the pressure to be perfect

Striving for excellence, working hard, and setting goals can positively benefit your life. But if the drive for perfection becomes overwhelming or leads you to be overly focused on your perceived inadequacies, it can negatively impact your performance and overall well-being. 

Being a perfectionist can lead to a harmful anxiety-fueled cycle. It begins with setting unrealistic goals, which inevitably lead to failure because perfection is unattainable. This can then lead to procrastination and self-doubt, intensifying the stress and anxiety. 

Rethinking what perfection means 

Think of the last time you finished a project for school or work. You gave it your all and were rewarded with success. Despite the praise you received, you may have felt unsatisfied, wondering if you could have done an even better job.

If you’re a perfectionist, you probably fall into one of these two categories: adaptive or maladaptive. Adaptive perfectionists set high standards for themselves and strive to achieve realistic goals, but they’re also flexible. 

On the other hand, maladaptive perfectionists tend to be critical of themselves when they fail to achieve the impossibly high standards they’ve set. This push to be perfect can lead to anxiety and depression.

If you find yourself struggling with maladaptive perfectionism, you’re not alone. Studies show that perfectionism rates have been on the rise for years, especially among high school and college students. Knowing the signs of perfectionism can help you begin setting realistic goals and developing a healthy relationship with success.

Four ways to be a healthy perfectionist

Imagine what it would feel like to set high but reasonable standards for yourself and see mistakes as growth opportunities rather than failures. By making some changes in your life, it’s possible to have a healthy relationship with perfectionism.

The first step in managing perfectionism and reducing anxiety is changing your mindset and allowing yourself to accept imperfection.

Here are some ways to manage perfectionism:

1. Work to set realistic expectations. If your standards are too high, your goals will be impossible to accomplish. Consider your capacity, the time you have available, and what you can reasonably accomplish while still taking care of yourself. 
2. Remind yourself that social media doesn’t always reflect reality. Seeing carefully curated photos of other people’s lives can fuel feelings that you aren’t good enough. If scrolling through your socials makes you feel anxious, consider limiting the amount of time you spend online or unfollowing accounts that don’t contribute to feeling good about yourself. 
3. Nurture a growth mindset. If you have a fixed mindset, you might view mistakes as a disaster and feel ashamed about what you perceive as failures. By adopting a growth mindset, you can learn to willingly embrace challenges and view mistakes as learning opportunities. 
4. Practice self-compassion. Reduce the risk of developing anxiety or depression by accepting that perfection is impossible, practicing mindfulness, and being kind to yourself.

What comes first: perfectionism or anxiety?

Why do some people struggle with perfectionism and anxiety while others live in the moment, do their best, and can easily accept the outcome? Researchers believe that perfectionism may be determined by genetic and environmental factors. In many cases, perfectionism and anxiety go hand in hand.

You might trace your perfectionism back to childhood and the joyous feeling of having your parents reward you for good work. In some cases, adverse childhood experiences (like trauma, neglect, or dysfunction) can also contribute to the development of perfectionism and anxiety. Perfectionism may have begun as a coping mechanism for you and a way of establishing a sense of control during these experiences.

Striving for perfectionism can be the result of your own expectations or what you think others expect from you. Students and athletes, specifically, are also prone to developing perfectionism because they are in environments where they face pressure to perform.

Signs and symptoms of perfectionism 

Although symptoms of unhealthy perfectionism can vary from one person to another, some of the most common signs include:

• Setting and trying to achieve unrealistically high standards
• Being overly critical of your efforts
• Having feelings of low self-esteem
• Fearing failure, which can lead to procrastination
• Needing validation in the form of compliments or awards

While unhealthy perfectionism isn’t considered a mental health condition, it can be a symptom of other conditions. These can include generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), social anxiety, and eating disorders. 

When to seek help for anxiety and perfectionism

If perfectionism is causing you anxiety and negatively impacting your quality of life, consider meeting with a mental health professional. Talk therapy can help you address your perfectionist tendencies and develop more balanced beliefs. 

If you have an anxiety disorder, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can teach you skills to change the way you look at perfectionism. In some cases, your provider may prescribe a prescription medication to ease your anxiety.

If your perfectionist tendencies are related to OCD, you may benefit from exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy. 

Find care with Rula

Constantly striving for perfection can be draining, but support is available. A mental health professional can help you learn how to set realistic standards, overcome negative self-talk, and learn how to respond differently to stress.

At Rula, we built our platform to make it easy to find the right provider for your individual needs and receive care from the comfort of your home. With our therapist-matching program, you can find a therapist who takes your insurance and schedule your first appointment as soon as tomorrow.

Find a therapist with Rula