Key Takeaways
- An open relationship is a form of ethical non-monogamy. It involves consensually and ethically engaging in sexual intimacy with people other than your primary partner.
- Open relationships are just one form of non-monogamy. Other common frameworks include polyamory and swinging. Learning about different relationship structures can help you decide what works best for you and your partner(s).
- Each open relationship has unique parameters based on the preferences of the people involved. But all successful open relationships require trust, transparency, communication, consent, and mutual respect.
A growing number of people have begun exploring non-monogamous romantic or sexual relationships in recent years. These relationships can take many forms. But one of the most common is the open relationship.
Open relationships are built on a consensual agreement between partners that governs how they will involve others in their dynamic. This typically includes sexual relationships with people other than their primary partners. But what an open relationship looks like will vary based on what feels right for each individual couple.
Like any relationship, open relationships have their benefits and challenges. But by learning more about them, you can decide if an open relationship might be the right choice for you and your partner — and how to support your emotional health in the process.
What is an open relationship?
An open relationship is a form of ethical and consensual non-monogamy. This means that when people in established relationships decide to “open up,” all parties must fully agree and decide together what it will mean for them.
It’s important to note that the term “open relationship” can cause confusion because some people use it to mean different things. Some people use the term to describe any type of relationship involving ethical non-monogamy (including polyamory and swinging). For the purposes of this discussion, we’ll use the term “open relationship” to refer to relationships that have a primary partnership but also allow for sexual experiences with other people outside of that partnership.
When it comes to open relationships, specific norms and boundaries will vary from one open relationship to the next. For example, some open couples may date other people individually or as a unit. They may decide to have brief sexual encounters but reserve emotional intimacy for one another. Other people in open relationships may form deeper, more long-term connections with multiple partners while still prioritizing their primary partnership. But regardless of the structure you choose, it’s important that both partners agree on a set of expectations that will define your version of an open relationship.
Another thing to consider is what ethical non-monogamy is not. Because it hinges on transparency and consent, it is not the same thing as cheating or infidelity. These are non-consensual behaviors that represent a damaging breach of trust.
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Six tips for emotional well-being in an open relationship
If you’re interested in an open relationship, there are a few things you can do to build a strong foundation. Some of these things are universal. For example, all relationships can benefit from honesty, vulnerability, and open communication. But there are a few specific factors that can help open relationships thrive.
- Clear and ongoing communication: People in open relationships must agree on the guidelines for their relationships with other people. This requires upfront negotiation and revisiting the topic regularly as the relationship evolves. Keeping communication open and ongoing is key to ensuring that both partners remain aligned and comfortable with the evolving dynamics.
- Consent and mutual respect: To create a dynamic that works for everyone, all partners must show a commitment to safety and respect. It also requires direct, enthusiastic consent from all partners.
- Honesty and transparency: People in open relationships must feel safe to express their needs, desires, and limits. They must also feel like they can speak up if they’re struggling with some aspect of their connection or when challenging feelings — like jealousy, insecurity, or anxiety — arise.
- Clear boundaries: Successful open couples work together to clearly define the boundaries that work best for their relationship. They can also request changes to these boundaries if their needs or feelings shift.
- Regular reconnection: People in healthy open relationships set aside time to prioritize the relationship with their primary partner. They may use this time to navigate conflict, build trust, or simply check in with each other about how they’re feeling in the relationship.
- External support: If needed, look for a sex-positive therapist who has experience working with non-monogamous people. You can also consider joining a local or virtual support group to build community and learn about additional resources.
What are the benefits of an open relationship?
According to recent research, there are some notable benefits to ethical non-monogamy, including:
- Lower jealousy
- Higher sexual fulfillment
- More opportunities for personal growth
- Feeling that more of one’s needs are met
- Greater relationship satisfaction overall
- Heightened sense of security
Of course, open relationships aren’t for everyone. Some people prefer the structure of monogamy or other forms of connection, and that’s OK. Successful open relationships rely on honesty and consent from everyone involved. So no one should ever feel pressured to engage in a relationship dynamic they’re uncomfortable with.
What are the challenges of an open relationship?
All relationships, including open ones, have their difficulties. While no two dynamics are alike, some of the challenges often associated with open relationships include:
- Jealousy: Being in an open relationship doesn’t make you immune to jealousy. It’s normal to experience some occasional discomfort when a partner connects with someone new, for example. But what’s most important is how you respond to that jealousy. Check in with your partner(s) about how you can support each other when these feelings arise.
- Trouble meeting expectations: It can be hard to meet each person’s needs when you’re juggling multiple connections on top of your daily responsibilities. So try to be upfront about what you can provide and make an effort to create space for reassurance and connection with each of your partners.
- Societal judgment: While ideas about non-monogamy are evolving, some people in open relationships may face judgment or discrimination from others. So be sure to strengthen your support network and surround yourself with people who respect your relationship.
- Logistical complexities: In addition to the emotional challenges you may encounter in an open relationship, there might be some logistical ones too. Many people have busy schedules and limited free time. So try to create a schedule that helps everyone feel prioritized.
Other forms of ethical non-monogamy
There are many ways to have an open relationship. But there are also a variety of other forms of non-monogamy. For example, you may have heard of polyamory. In “poly” relationships, people have loving connections with multiple partners. Some people have polyamorous relationships that involve a “primary” partnership, while other poly relationships are non-hierarchical.
Another popular form of non-monogamy is swinging. In this dynamic, committed couples have casual sexual encounters with other people. This can occur individually, together, or in groups, and there’s often a social component to these relationships. However, unlike other non-monogamous dynamics, couples who engage in swinging tend to reserve emotional exclusivity for one another.
Each non-monogamous couple or group will have a unique set of guidelines for their relationship. But understanding the similarities and differences between some common forms of ethical non-monogamy can help you create a dynamic that works for you and your partner(s).
Find care with Rula
If you’re in an open relationship, you deserve mental healthcare that honors and celebrates your unique relationship(s). At Rula, our diverse network of providers includes therapists who specialize in helping couples navigate the joys and challenges of open relationships and other forms of non-monogamy.
Whether you’re looking for individual or couples therapy, our platform can help you find an in-network provider in a matter of minutes. From there, you can schedule your first appointment and begin receiving care via our teletherapy platform as soon as tomorrow.
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About the author
Liz Talago
Liz Talago, M.ed. is a mental health professional turned content writer and strategist based in the Detroit metro area. As an independent consultant for mental health organizations, Liz creates meaningful connections between brands and their audiences through strategic storytelling. Liz is known for championing diverse perspectives within the mental health industry and translating bold ideas into inspiring, affirming digital experiences. In her free time, you can find her hiking with her two German Shepherds, puttering around her dahlia garden, or spending time with her family.
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