Building a relationship when your partner has OCD

If you’re in a relationship with someone who has obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), learning more about the condition can help you be a supportive partner. All relationships require a bit of give and take. But sometimes, mental health conditions like OCD can make it difficult for a person to control their behavior. In turn, this can negatively affect their relationships. 

OCD symptoms can impact trust, communication, intimacy, and more. It can also be a heartbreaking experience to watch someone you care about struggle with their mental health. Fortunately, OCD is a manageable condition, and there are things you can do together to create a supportive, nurturing dynamic in your relationship.    

Understanding how OCD can affect your relationship 

If you don’t have previous experience with OCD, you might feel confused by your partner’s symptoms sometimes. For example, if your partner has relationship OCD, it might seem like they’re constantly worried you’re going to leave them, even if that’s the furthest thing from your mind. They may also seek ongoing reassurance that you’re committed to the relationship. This might leave you wondering if you’re doing something wrong. Or you might get frustrated when you can’t seem to convince your partner that you aren’t going anywhere.

Learning more about your partner’s OCD can help you better understand their experience and see that their symptoms are not anyone’s fault. It can also help foster empathy and prevent the feelings of shame that often accompany OCD. In addition, deepening your understanding of OCD can help you set some healthy boundaries for yourself. If your partner’s OCD is negatively affecting your well-being, it’s OK to take some time for self-care and ask for help if you need it. 

How to be a supportive partner to someone with OCD

All relationships take work, and there will always be ups and downs. But with some patience and practice, there are things you can do to be a supportive partner to someone with OCD.

1. Get curious about how OCD affects your partner. Everyone with OCD experiences the condition in their own way. So in addition to learning the common signs and symptoms of OCD, it’s important to understand how it affects your partner’s daily life. Doing so can help you modify your expectations and take steps to support both partners’ mental health.

2. Consider outside communication. It’s OK if your friends or family members are curious about your partner’s condition. But remember that your partner gets to decide how much information they’re comfortable with you sharing about their diagnosis. Ask your partner how they would like you to respond to those inquiries, and respect their boundaries.

3. Honor small accomplishments. People with OCD may struggle to accomplish things that seem easy for others. It can also be very difficult for them to resist the urge to engage in compulsive behaviors. So be sure to acknowledge your partner’s accomplishments, even the small ones.  

4. Encourage open communication. It can be hard for people with OCD to talk about their condition, even with people they love and trust. Let your partner know that you genuinely care about what they’re going through by maintaining a sense of curiosity about their experience. 

5. Have a self-care plan. Carve out some time to create a list of healthy coping strategies, one for yourself and one for your partner. When creating your list, consider the following: What seems to help reduce or prevent your partner’s obsessions and compulsions? What can you do to maintain your mental health when your partner is struggling? Try to be as specific as possible.

6. Seek outside help. OCD can be challenging to live with, but it’s also highly treatable. There are therapists who specialize in supporting people and couples whose lives have been touched by OCD. There are also support groups designed specifically for romantic partners of people with OCD. Connecting with other people who understand what you’re going through can help you feel less alone and more equipped to support your partner.

Find care with Rula

If you have a loved one who has OCD, it’s likely that their condition will affect you and your relationship from time to time. By learning more about OCD and how it shows up in your partner’s life, you can be a source of support. Managing OCD is a lifelong journey. But it’s one that you and your partner can navigate together, and working with a therapist can help. 

At Rula, we’re here to make it easier to find in-network individual, couples, and family therapists you can meet with from the comfort of home. With our therapist-matching program, you can find a provider who takes your insurance and offers the specialized care you deserve in just a few clicks. And thanks to our extensive network, you can schedule your first appointment as soon as tomorrow.

Find a therapist with Rula