Dating with a mental health condition

Mental health and dating can be tough to navigate at the same time. Living with a mental health condition can affect how you see yourself, connect with others, and approach relationships. You might worry about how or when to disclose your diagnosis, whether potential partners will understand or judge you, or if your symptoms will get in the way of a healthy relationship.

But having a mental health condition doesn’t mean you’re any less deserving of love, support, and companionship. With the right tools, communication, and support, it’s absolutely possible to date and build relationships that feel safe, happy, and fulfilling.

Impact of mental health on dating

It’s possible to date and build healthy romantic relationships when you live with a mental health condition. But you may notice your mental health symptoms impact the way you feel and think about dating. They may show up in your relationships in both subtle and obvious ways. 

For example, your symptoms might affect your self-esteem, ability to trust others, or the way you interpret what your partner says and does. You may also feel overwhelmed trying to juggle mental health and dating at the same time.

In one study, young people with serious mental health conditions reported that mental health stigma is a major barrier in dating. Because of this stigma, you might worry about what potential partners will think of you and how and when to disclose your diagnosis to them.

Specific mental health diagnoses can show up in different ways in relationships. Some mental health conditions can more directly affect your dating life than others, but any mental health challenges can make it more difficult to date. 

Some ways certain mental health conditions may affect your dating life include: 

• Borderline personality disorder (BPD): BPD has symptoms that can impact relationships in significant ways. This mental health condition is characterized by an intense fear of abandonment and bouts of anger, which can lead you to push others away, even when you actually want to stay close. You might feel like your emotions are too big to handle, especially in romantic relationships.
• Depression: With depression, you might withdraw from relationships or feel uninterested in dating. Depression, as well as some medications used to treat it, can also result in a lower libido, which could affect your dating life.
• Anxiety: One of the most common mental health conditions, anxiety might make you worry excessively about dating or your dating partners. For example, you might have anxiety that your partner will break up with you. 
• Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD): The obsessive, irrational thoughts and ritualistic, repetitive behaviors characteristic of OCD can impact your dating life. In dating, some people experience relationship OCD (ROCD), which involves obsessive doubts about whether their partner is “right” for them or constant fear that the relationship will fail. OCD-related compulsions, such as seeking excessive reassurance or engaging in rigid routines, may also create tension in relationships.
• Bipolar disorder: Bipolar disorder can sometimes make it difficult to maintain stability in a relationship. You might feel more impulsive during manic or hypomanic episodes and strike up a relationship. Then, you no longer feel interested when the mood passes. This behavior is sometimes known as bipolar ghosting, though it’s not a clinical term.

The care you need, when you need it

Learn how Rula can support your mental health journey

Subscribe

I agree to receive emails from Rula and accept the terms outlined in Client Email Consent and Privacy Policy.

How relationships can affect mental health

Romantic relationships can affect your mental health as well, both in positive and negative ways.

On one hand, healthy and stable romantic relationships can improve your overall mental health. Research suggests that married people tend to be happier than their single counterparts. 

Of course, this doesn’t mean that single people can’t be happy. The link could simply mean that people who are already happier are more likely to get married. But having a partner could provide a boost to your mental health.

But being in an abusive, unhealthy, or unstable relationship may increase symptoms for some people, especially if you live with a mental health condition. While an unstable relationship isn’t a direct cause of a mental health condition, symptoms can be triggered by stress, and toxic relationships can significantly increase the stress in your life.

Navigating relationships and mental health together

Regardless of what mental health condition you live with, you deserve love, support, and companionship just like anybody else. 

Managing the symptoms of a mental health condition can take time and is sometimes a lifelong process. Some people might choose not to date while they’re in treatment, while others appreciate the support and companionship that dating can bring as they learn to manage mental health concerns.

Here are some ways you can navigate dating while living with a mental health condition.

Communicate openly

You don’t need to disclose your mental health diagnosis on your first date. This is a personal decision, and you have the right to go about it in a way that feels safe for you. But if you’re trying to build a long-term, stable relationship, it’s a good idea to communicate openly and honestly about mental health and how it affects you.

Open communication can prevent misunderstandings, ease your anxiety about dating, and build a stronger foundation of trust in your relationship. It can also give your partner the information they need to support you better — and that can help you decide if they’re the right person for you.

Remember to focus on yourself

It can be easy to become enmeshed in relationships, which means you lose your sense of identity or boundaries. There’s nothing wrong with trying to meet your partner’s needs, but make sure you don’t neglect yourself in the process. Even with treatment, self-care is an essential part of managing life with a mental health condition.

Self-care doesn’t just mean “treating” yourself. It means ensuring your physical and emotional needs are met. For example, check in with your energy levels, make time for your friends and hobbies, and continue going to therapy or taking medication if that’s part of your care plan.

Notice your emotional triggers

Dating can bring up feelings you didn’t expect. You might find yourself getting emotionally flooded by seemingly “small” things like a delayed text, a meaningless comment, or certain nonverbal body language from your partner.

Pay attention to what seems to trigger big emotional reactions in you and reflect on if they could be tied to your mental health symptoms. Working through these triggers (especially with a therapist) can help you feel more grounded in relationships.

Make sure you’re not seeking someone to “fix” you

It’s OK to want support in your relationships. That’s a healthy and human need. But be careful not to look to your partner as a substitute for therapy or internal healing. 

If you expect your partner to always regulate your emotions for you or give you constant reassurance, it might create imbalance in the relationship. Make sure you’re also learning how to manage and self-soothe when needed.

Seek individual or couples therapy

Going to therapy can be an important step for improving your mental health and relationships. Individual therapy can help you understand how your symptoms show up in relationships, identify and make a plan to work through emotional reactions, and build up your self-esteem and communication skills. It can also give you a space to process any past relationship trauma or patterns that might still be affecting you.

If you’re in a relationship, couples therapy can also be a helpful option. A couples therapist can help you and your partner better understand each other’s needs and teach you tools to support one another. This is especially important if one or both of you are living with a mental health condition.

Find care with Rula

Living with a mental health condition can sometimes impact your dating life. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve love and companionship just like everyone else. It’s possible to navigate both dating and mental health at the same time, but you may need some additional support from a therapist. 

At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best. 

Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we’re here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.

Find a provider with Rula