10 practical approaches to friendship as an introvert

Making and keeping good friends as an adult can be tough — especially for introverts who might find socializing with new people and engaging in small talk exhausting. But making friends as an introvert is possible with the right approach. 

If you’re an introverted adult, you might struggle to make friends in a new city, or after a major life change like a divorce or breakup, for example. The good news is you don’t have to change who you are to build meaningful friendships. Instead, focus on social settings that align with your comfort level. Seek out smaller gatherings and activities centered around shared interests to form genuine relationships without pressure to be more outgoing.

If social anxiety, fear of rejection, or self-doubt hold you back, therapy can help you build confidence, improve communication skills, and set social boundaries to prevent burnout. Friendship is about quality — not quantity — and you can create close friendships while staying true to yourself.

Why introverts can have trouble making friends

Imagine joining a small cooking class, hoping to connect with others over a shared interest. But when you arrive, you notice  others already chatting in small groups. You turn your focus inward and observe your own thoughts and feelings during the class, without chiming in to any group conversations. You focus on preparing the entrée by yourself and leave the class feeling lonely.

If you’re an introvert, this scenario may sound familiar. Making new friends can be challenging because, as an introvert, you may need time to feel comfortable with others and prefer to reflect on situations rather than actively jumping in. You may hesitate to start conversations and feel drained by too much social interaction.

People often mistake introverts for being shy or unfriendly. But the truth is they’re just more sensitive to external stimulation and can feel overwhelmed more easily than others.

Here are some of the additional barriers introverts face and ways to address them: 

• Social exhaustion and limited energy: Introverts need alone time to recharge after socializing. To avoid burnout, plan social activities around your energy levels. Consider meeting a friend for coffee rather than attending a big group gathering.
• Social anxiety: For some introverts, fear of judgment or rejection makes social interactions feel daunting. If this resonates with you, start with small, low-pressure interactions. Texting with a friend or engaging in online discussions can help build confidence.
• Pressure to be more extroverted: Introverts are often told they need to “come out of their shell” to make friends and that being around others will make them feel better. While pretending to be extroverted may provide a temporary mood boost, their energy often takes a nosedive shortly after. Instead of forcing yourself to be outgoing, focus on low-key interactions that feel natural.
• Difficulty with small talk: Introverts tend to prefer deep, meaningful interactions over small talk, which can pose challenges with making new friends. Start with shared interests, and ask open-ended questions, like, “What inspired you to sign up for this cooking class?”
• Issues with maintaining friendships: Since introverts need alone time, they may unintentionally distance themselves, causing friendships to drift. To counter this, try checking in with friends through texts, sending a funny meme, or just letting them know you’re thinking of them.
• Fear of rejection or misreading social cues: Introverts may hesitate to reach out due to a fear of bothering others or being rejected. Instead, try gradual engagement, where you comment on someone’s social media post, casually suggest an activity, or check in with a friend you haven’t spoken to recently.

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Therapist-approved ways to make friends as an introvert

Therapists often recommend ways for introverts to connect with others without feeling exhausted. In fact, introverts have many amazing strengths that make them great friends, like deep thinking, active listening, and the ability to form meaningful connections.

Here are some ideas to make new friends in ways that feel comfortable and authentic:

1. Join events that match your interests. Instead of forcing small talk at a big party, try going to events that genuinely excite you. Many sites offer free in-person and virtual events where you can meet like-minded people who enjoy hiking, board games, or trying new restaurants, for example.
2. Choose small gatherings. If big crowds aren’t your thing, smaller venues like book clubs and coffee shops can make it easier to connect. Check out book clubs at your local library or bookstore or find virtual and in-person groups online that match your favorite genres.
3. Interact in online communities. Making friends online is a great option for introverts because it allows you to connect at your own pace. Consider friendship apps, which are designed to help people find platonic connections.
4. Consider volunteering. Love animals? Try volunteering at a local shelter or rescue group. You’ll get to spend time with adorable pets while keeping human interaction to a minimum.
5. Focus on curiosity. It can be hard not knowing what others think about you. To remove the pressure and make deeper connections, turn your attention outward, and take a genuine interest in others. 
6. Practice conversation starters. Before you attend an event or social gathering, prepare a mental list of simple, open-ended questions that can make starting conversations less stressful. Consider asking, “What’s a book or movie you’ve enjoyed recently?” or “How do you like to spend your weekends?”
7. Be open to small moments. Friendships don’t have to begin with deep conversations. A simple hello to a neighbor while walking your dog and a quick chat with someone in line at the grocery store can slowly build connections over time.
8. Deepen existing connections. Instead of trying to meet many new people, concentrate on the people you already know. Invite a casual acquaintance to join you for coffee or call an old friend you haven’t seen recently and invite them to lunch.
9. Seek out fellow introverts. While extroverts can make great friends, bonding with other introverts can feel more comfortable. Try connecting in quieter settings like libraries, coffee shops, or through shared hobbies where conversations unfold at a comfortable pace.
10. Don’t stress. Building friendships as an introvert doesn’t have to be overwhelming. By prioritizing authentic interactions, nurturing existing connections, and engaging in activities that truly interest you, you can naturally form meaningful relationships at your own pace.

When friendship as an introvert feels impossible

Friendship can be especially challenging for introverts when anxiety makes social interactions feel overwhelming. Worries about saying the wrong thing, fear of rejection, and overanalyzing conversations can make it even harder to reach out and form connections.

However, with the right strategies, like therapy, practicing self-compassion, and cognitive reframing, introverts can navigate friendships in a way that feels more comfortable.

While it might feel like everyone else effortlessly attracts friends, the reality is most friendships develop gradually. Focus on building a few close connections over time.

For some introverts, spending time alone feels more fulfilling, and they may prefer occasional deep conversations with family, online interactions, or enjoying their own company — and that’s OK too.

Find care with Rula

If you’re an introvert looking to expand your social circle, therapy can help. It’s not about changing who you are but about building confidence, easing social anxiety, and connecting with others in a way that feels natural to you.

At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best. 

Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we’re here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.

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