Addressing low sex drive to improve your relationship

Many people wonder what’s considered “normal” when it comes to sex drive, especially in long-term relationships. But the truth is that every relationship is different. What works for one couple might not work for another, and that’s OK. However, challenges can arise when there’s a mismatch in libido among partners or when there’s an unwanted reduction in sex drive. 

This can happen for all sorts of reasons, and it’s far more common than many people realize. Research shows that many people in the U.S. experience sexual dysfunction. Approximately 43% of women and 31% of men say they struggle with desire, arousal, and overall sexual satisfaction. So if your libido has changed and it’s impacting your relationship, know that you’re not alone and there are things you can do to create the sexual connection you desire.

Nine strategies for increasing sexual desire

There’s nothing inherently wrong with having a naturally lower libido. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you or that you don’t care about your partner(s). At the same time, if you’re the partner with the higher libido, your desires are valid too. What’s most important is that you communicate with kindness and openness about what you want your sexual connection to be like. 

If you decide that you want to increase your libido and you’ve been evaluated for underlying medical issues, here are some strategies you can try:

1. Get moving. Exercise has been shown to improve arousal, and yoga can be especially helpful for improving women’s libido.
2. Improve your sleep habits. Sleep is so important for your overall health. But it has also been shown to improve sexual desire.
3. Address stress. Mindfulness exercises, like deep breathing or journaling, can reduce sexual dysfunction.
4. Eat a balanced diet. Fueling your body with nutritious food can improve your sexual health.
5. Limit alcohol. Alcohol use can lead to a loss of sexual stimulation and make it more difficult to experience an orgasm.
6. Try couples counseling. Therapy can be helpful in uncovering and addressing the issues that are impacting your libido or your partner’s libido.
7. Spend quality time with your partner. Finding time to connect in deeper emotional ways can foster safety and boost intimacy.
8. Focus on conflict resolution. Clear communication and finding resolution in conflict can help reduce negative tension and disconnect.
9. Communicate. Take time to explore, understand, and communicate your sexual needs and desires with each other.

Why one partner may lose interest in sex

Human sexuality is wonderfully complex. Your mind, body, and environment can all affect your libido, and your sex drive can ebb and flow over time. However, if you or someone you care about has recently lost interest in sex, it may be helpful to explore some of the most common reasons this can happen:

• Mental health: Mental health concerns — like depression, anxiety, and increased stress — can cause a decline in libido.
• Physical well-being: Higher libido has been linked to cardiovascular health in women.
• Medication: Certain medications, including contraceptives and antidepressants, can have side effects, including a loss of libido. 
• Sexual health concerns: Experiencing vaginal dryness, pelvic floor dysfunction, painful intercourse, or erectile dysfunction can affect your sex drive.
• Pregnancy: Having a baby causes natural hormonal shifts and lifestyle changes that can impact libido. 
• Body image: Body dissatisfaction can make arousal more difficult, especially for women.
• Relationship challenges: Problems like poor communication, infidelity, or an unequal division of labor can affect your desire to be intimate with your partner.
• Life stage: Aging and going through menopause can affect your hormones and, in turn, your desire for sex.

This list is just a starting point, and it doesn’t cover all the possible reasons why someone might experience a loss of sex drive. If you aren’t sure why you’re not as interested in sex as you’d like to be, start by talking to your doctor. They can provide a screening to rule out any potential physical health challenges that could be affecting your libido. 

Depending on what they find, your provider may recommend medication to improve your sexual health. They may also recommend connecting with a mental health professional or other sources of support, depending on your needs.

Find care with Rula

Your sexual desire can shift throughout your life for many valid reasons. A decrease in sex drive could be due to stress, relationship problems, health concerns, age, and more. But if you’re experiencing an unwanted loss of libido, know that help is available. A therapist can help you address the mental health concerns or relationship challenges that may be causing a loss of desire. 

And thanks to Rula, it’s now easier than ever to connect with an in-network individual or couples therapist from the comfort of home. With our therapist-matching program, you can sift through your options, find the right provider for your needs, and make your first appointment in just a few clicks. 

Find a therapist with Rula