How to get better at handling rejection

Rejection comes in many shapes and forms. We experience it in our personal lives, in academic and professional settings, and even in the way we’re raised as children. And although rejection is considered a normal part of life, that doesn’t make it any easier when you’re excluded from a dinner with friends or you don’t receive a coveted promotion. 

The key to dealing with rejection is learning how to understand your emotions and use the experience as a chance for growth and self-reflection.  

Six tips to overcome rejection

Learning how to manage rejection can help you turn that pain into potential. Here are six tips for overcoming rejection and learning healthier coping methods for future experiences. 

1. Acknowledge your feelings. Rejection can be tough to process, so give yourself permission to sit with your feelings. After receiving some tough news, it’s normal to feel hurt, disappointed, or a range of other emotions. Whatever you feel, allow yourself to identify and process those feelings without judgment. 
2. Be kind to yourself. It’s easy to blame yourself for the rejection or compare yourself to others, but try to approach the situation with empathy and compassion. If you’re stuck, consider some positive affirmations to remind yourself of your abilities and self-worth. For example, “I am enough” or “I am worthy.” 
3. Cultivate resilience. Resilience is the ability to adapt to difficult or challenging situations, and it’s key to handling rejection. One way to build resilience is to think about your purpose. For example, ask yourself why you get up in the morning or how you can make a meaningful difference in someone’s life today. Other ways to boost resilience include performing acts of kindness, expressing gratitude, and pursuing hobbies that bring you joy. 
4. Develop a growth mindset. Remember the phrase “when one door closes, another door opens?” In some cases, rejection offers people a chance to explore new opportunities that better align with their values and goals. Instead of seeing rejection as a failure, embrace it as a challenge to hone your skills, abilities, and dreams. 
5. Focus on your achievements. When rejection has you feeling down, remember that one bad experience doesn’t define who you are. Rejection is specific to the situation, so being passed over for one promotion, for example, doesn’t discount all of your experience, expertise, and hard work. 
6. Seek support. If rejection has you in a rut, consider speaking with a trusted family member or friend. Most people experience rejection at some point, so they may have some useful insights on how to navigate the path forward. Many people also benefit from therapy, which can provide a supportive and non-judgmental space for you to understand and process complex emotions. Therapy can also help you challenge negative thoughts and develop healthier problem-solving strategies.

Understanding feelings of rejection

People have a natural desire for acceptance and belonging that can make it difficult to receive rejection. Rejection can affect how people perceive themselves, leading to self-doubt, low self-esteem, and feelings of inadequacy. Being denied something you want can also cause a strong emotional response. You may feel sad, lonely, jealous, guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, and angry. Over time, rejection can even contribute to mental health concerns like depression, anxiety, and stress.

Experiencing repeated rejection may also influence your willingness to try new things or do activities you enjoy. For example, when your boss continues to ignore your ideas, you may be less likely to contribute your thoughts in the future. Or if you learn that you’ve been excluded from a book club, you may decide to stop reading altogether. 

If this sounds familiar, some other potential signs that you’re struggling with a fear of rejection include:

• People-pleasing behaviors
• Trouble saying “no” to others
• Perfectionism
• Codependency
• Keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself

Why does rejection hurt so much?

Rejection is a natural part of life, but that doesn’t make it any less painful. In fact, research has found that rejection, specifically social rejection, affects the brain in a similar way to physical pain.

For some people, personal disappointment is particularly painful due to something called rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD). Characterized by a tendency to “anxiously expect, readily perceive, and overreact to interpersonal rejection,” rejection sensitivity causes people to regularly experience extreme emotions that are out of proportion to the situation. And because interpersonal relationships are an important part of human needs, rejection sensitivity can have a negative effect on people’s relationships and overall well-being.

Rejection sensitivity has been linked to adverse childhood experiences, like neglect, abuse, or the withholding of love and affection by a caregiver. RSD is also associated with mental conditions characterized by emotional dysregulation, like social anxiety disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), borderline personality disorder (BPD), and depression.

Find care with Rula

If you or someone you care about is struggling with rejection, know that you’re not alone. Rejection is a normal part of life, but sometimes we need some additional support to learn how to manage and overcome difficult feelings and emotions. At Rula, we’re committed to making it easier to access mental health support from the comfort of home.

In just a few minutes, you can use our therapist-matching program to find the right therapist for your mental health needs. From there, our teletherapy platform makes it easy to schedule your first appointment and begin receiving care as soon as tomorrow. 

Find a therapist with Rula