How to deal with grief: A comprehensive guide

Loss is a natural part of the cycle of life, but knowing that doesn’t make grieving any easier. Grief describes the sadness, confusion, and other complex emotions that people experience after losing someone or something in their life. It can be unexpected and overwhelming, and it can feel like it turns your world upside down. 

There’s no simple cure for overcoming grief, but there are ways to cope with the pain as you navigate your emotional healing journey.

What is grief?

Grief is an emotional response to sorrow and loss. We often associate grief with the death of a loved one, but it can relate to any loss that changes or challenges your sense of normalcy. For example, it’s natural to grieve the loss of your youth, community, career, relationships, and health.

According to a psychiatrist named Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, grief is broken down into five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. First proposed in the 1960s, this framework is based on patients learning to cope with terminal illness. But it can help anyone navigating loss or change identify and name some of the confusing reactions they may be experiencing. People typically don’t experience these stages as neat, linear steps. Instead, they are common feelings that many, but not all, people experience when they’re undergoing loss. 

Grief can cause a wide range of emotions, including disbelief, hopelessness, guilt, and sadness. It can influence a person’s sense of self, leading them to question who they are, what they’ve done, and where the loss leaves them now. Grief is also associated with health issues, including fatigue, digestive problems, mental health concerns, and changes to eating and sleeping habits. 

Four types of grief

When someone experiences a loss and their grief is a direct response to that loss, it’s often considered “normal” or “common” grief. And while it may be difficult to cope with the pain, they’re able to continue with their basic daily activities and gradually move toward acceptance and healing. 

In addition to normal grief, there are several other ways that people can experience loss.

• Anticipatory grief is a response to an expected or anticipated loss. It’s often associated with terminal illness and affects the person with the diagnosis as well as their loved ones.

• Disenfranchised grief occurs when someone experiences a loss that’s not socially acknowledged or validated in the same way. This might include the loss of a pet, the end of a friendship, or a miscarriage or stillbirth.  

• Complicated grief is a more intense and prolonged form of grief that impacts a person’s daily life and ability to function. It’s often associated with experiencing a sudden or traumatic loss.

Seven ways to cope with grief

There’s no right or wrong way to navigate grief. In fact, most experts propose processing loss on your own time and in your own way. That said, there are several practical tips to help people heal and manage the pain.

1. Acknowledge your emotions 

Loss can take an emotional toll. Whether it’s the death of a family pet or closing a chapter in your career, it’s normal to experience a range of complex emotions, even when the loss was expected. As part of the grieving process, take some time to acknowledge what you’re feeling and how those emotions impact your behaviors.

2. Express your feelings

Expressing your emotions is an important part of the grieving process. If you’re not comfortable sharing your thoughts with others, consider exploring more creative and expressive outlets. For example, letter writing (to yourself or others) can help provide clarity, connection, and even closure. Art therapy — like drawing, crafting, or playing music — is another way to cope with grief. 

3. Create a routine

Grief can be confusing and disorientating, but following a consistent routine is one way to bring some normalcy to your life. Focus on the things you can control, like personal hygiene, regular meals, and moving your body. It’s also important to get adequate sleep, so try to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day. 

4. Look for the joy in life

This may sound like a tall order, but allowing yourself to find joy during difficult times can actually help the healing process. Doing activities that bring you joy can reduce depression, improve pain, and even help you live longer. This can be something simple, like listening to music, taking a relaxing bath, or ordering your favorite food. Some people enjoy activities that give them a sense of purpose, like volunteering or working in the garden.

5. Practice mindfulness 

Mindfulness is the process of being present and fully aware of the current moment. When someone is grieving, mind-body practices like mindfulness and meditation can help them acknowledge their feelings with compassion and without judgment. 

If you’re not sure how to get started, try the RAIN Meditation:

• Recognize the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are affecting you.
• Allow yourself to experience those things without resistance or judgment.
• Investigate your emotions and feelings with curiosity and openness.
• Natural awareness is a chance to show yourself kindness and compassion while grieving. 

6. Stay connected

Although grief is a deeply personal experience, you don’t have to do it alone. Instead, make time for trusted friends and family who want to offer guidance and emotional support as you navigate challenging times. Having a support network has been shown to help improve resiliency, self-esteem, and overall well-being. You can also join grief support groups to connect with others who have experienced something similar. 

7. Seek professional support

If your grief lasts longer than 12 months, you’re having difficulty with daily activities to care for yourself (like eating and sleeping), or you’re using unhealthy coping methods to manage the pain, consider meeting with a mental health professional. Therapy offers a supportive space to unpack your feelings, learn to manage intense emotions, and process grief. 

Managing long-term grief

Grief typically lasts between six months and two years, with people noticing symptom improvement around six months. However, there’s no exact timeline for processing loss. In fact, grief is often a journey with unexpected roadblocks. For example, a person can feel like they’re making progress, only to be triggered by an anniversary or holiday with special significance.

If you notice that your grief is particularly difficult after losing a loved one, you may have something called prolonged grief disorder. This mental health diagnosis involves grief that is persistent and debilitating in a way that typical grief is not.

Find care with Rula

Loss of any kind is difficult. But if you’ve noticed that your grief is starting to impact your daily functioning, it may be time to seek professional mental health support.

At Rula, we partner with many types of therapists to make it easier for each person to get the support they need. In just a few clicks, you can use our therapist-matching program to find a therapist who takes your insurance and is available for your first appointment as soon as this week. 

Find a therapist with Rula