Three ways to tell your therapist you’re moving on

Many people start therapy because there’s something they’d like to change or improve in their lives. Deciding to see a therapist takes courage and self-awareness, but the same can be said about choosing to end the relationship. 

You want a therapist who has the right clinical expertise, understands your cultural needs, accepts your insurance, and puts you at ease. And if some, or all, of these factors change, you may find yourself wondering if it’s time to find someone new to support you on your mental health journey. Or maybe you feel like it’s time to take a break from therapy altogether if you’ve already gotten what you need.

If ending the therapeutic relationship feels awkward, know that it doesn’t have to be. Your therapist wants what is best for you and trusts your judgment in making those decisions. With a little preparation, it can be a smooth transition.

Signs you’re ready to stop therapy

There’s no set timeline for how long a person should remain in therapy. Instead, it’s a personal decision based on what brought you to therapy, the type of treatment you’re receiving, the progress you’ve made, and how well you click with your therapist. 

For many people, the ideal time to end therapy is when they achieve their mental health goals. Research suggests that 75% of people in therapy see noticeable symptom relief and improved functioning after 26 months. But in other cases, people stop therapy because it no longer feels effective or because their therapist isn’t the right fit for their goals.

If you’re thinking about stopping therapy or unsure if you want to continue with your current therapist, here are a few questions to help you decide how to move forward.

• Do I feel like I’m still making progress in therapy?
• Have I met the goals that brought me to therapy? What about any new goals I’ve created throughout my journey?
• Do I feel seen and understood by my therapist?
• Has my therapist said or done anything to make me uncomfortable? 
• Do I want to find a new therapist or do I want to end therapy altogether?

How to know when you should change therapists

Commitment and consistency are key to making the most out of therapy, but how well your provider fits your needs is also an important part of the equation. As you continue therapy, it’s helpful to assess whether your therapist is the right person for your healing journey. If you’re not making progress, you may realize that your therapy needs have shifted or you’d benefit from working with someone new.

Here are some signs that it might be time to change therapists.

• You feel stuck. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but if you’re no longer making progress, it may be time to consider another therapist or approach. 

• You feel misunderstood. Research shows that therapy is most effective when a therapist tailors treatment to each person’s cultural background, gender identity, sexual orientation, and stage of life. If your therapist doesn’t seem to understand your perspective, it may be time to find someone who is a better fit. 

• You feel uncomfortable. Dismissing your concerns, crossing professional boundaries, or engaging in unethical practices are just a few reasons that someone may no longer feel comfortable with their therapist. It is always OK to end the therapy relationship immediately if you believe your therapist has crossed a line.

• Your therapist’s scheduling or location is inconvenient. Tired of battling traffic before every therapy session or working around your therapist’s limited availability? It may be time to switch therapists or consider online therapy. Online therapy is a convenient and flexible way to access mental health services from the comfort of home.

• You want a different type of care. If your mental health needs have changed or evolved, it may be time to find a new therapist. For example, maybe you’d like to try eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) to manage trauma symptoms but your current therapist isn’t trained in that method.

Do you have to tell your therapist why you’re ending care?

While it may be tempting to ghost your therapist and never look back, having a conversation about your concerns is a more constructive approach for both you and your therapist. When you’re honest about your hesitations, your therapist has a chance to better understand your perspective and adjust their treatment approach accordingly. 

For example, you can say something like: My therapy goals are X, and I’m concerned we’re not meeting them together. Is there any way we can get closer to helping me achieve these goals? 

If you’ve already decided to end the relationship, providing additional information may help your therapist make a referral to someone who is a better fit for your needs. And if nothing else, telling your therapist you’re moving on gives them the green light to close out your services, opening up space for another therapist to take the reins. It also helps your therapist understand why you’ve ended things and empowers you to own your treatment journey. 

Do you have to tell your therapist about ending care during a session?

It’s perfectly normal to feel unsure about ending the therapy relationship. The choice to include your therapist in this decision is completely up to you. If you do decide to let your therapist know, you can do so in a way that feels right for you; this might be in person during a session, via text, or with an email. 

Consider having this conversation in person if you’d like to celebrate your progress, offer your gratitude, practice your communication skills, or receive additional feedback from your therapist. If you’ve achieved your goals in therapy, then it’s likely that your therapist was starting to think about ending care as well. They will be ready to celebrate your wins and help you feel prepared as you move onto your next chapter.

If an in-person conversation does not feel right, you may prefer sending a message. This might feel more comfortable if you didn’t feel a strong connection with your therapist, want a written record of the discussion, or aren’t comfortable sharing your plans face to face. 

While a final session isn’t required, it is best practice to cancel your next appointment with appropriate notice. This allows them to open up the spot for someone else seeking care and gives you a clearer sense of closure as you move ahead.  

If you don’t feel comfortable notifying your therapist of your decision, then you can simply cancel your upcoming appointments. By not scheduling additional sessions, most therapists will understand that you intend to stop care with them. The therapist may reach out to you to verify this and offer referrals to other providers. Whether you respond is up to you. 

Three ways to tell your therapist you’re ready to stop care

Some people like to give their therapist insight into their choice, while others would rather distance themselves quickly and without explanation. Please know that your therapist is trained to be flexible and respect any choice you make regarding your own care, whether you notify them of that choice or not. 

If you do choose to let your therapist know about ending therapy, here are some approaches you can try:

1. If your therapist was supportive and helped you reach your goals

I’ve decided that I’m ready to end our therapy sessions for the time being. I truly appreciate the support and guidance you’ve provided throughout our relationship, and I now feel prepared to move on with confidence and healthier coping skills. 

You can also include more detail, such as “I’m especially grateful for your help with [a goal you achieved].”

Thank you again for everything. 

2. If your therapist no longer feels like the right fit

I wanted to let you know that I have decided to end our sessions. While I’m so grateful for the work we’ve done together, my needs have changed, and I’d like to explore other kinds of support. 

You can also include more detail, like: “I’m struggling with X, so I really want to work with someone who specializes in Y” or “I’ve realized that I’d feel more comfortable working with a therapist who can better relate to my identity and life experiences.”

Thank you again for everything. 

3. If you’re not happy with the care you’ve received

I wanted to let you know that I have decided to end our sessions. Therapy isn’t feeling how I hoped it would, so I’d like to see if there is another therapist who might better align with what I’m looking for at this time. 

Find care with Rula

Whether or not you’re comfortable discussing your reasons with your therapist, Rula makes it easy to find a new mental health professional for your unique needs. 

Rula can help you find a therapist who’s in network with your insurance, currently accepting new clients, and the right fit for your clinical and cultural preferences. And our network of over 10,000 therapists means you can be seen as soon as tomorrow.

Plus, our online therapy platform makes it easy to seamlessly switch therapists if needed, so you can find the best fit for your needs. 

Get started with Rula today