Helping teens deal with anger: A guide for parents

Being the parent or caregiver of a teenager isn’t always easy, especially when it comes to navigating their feelings and emotions. Between hormone-driven mood swings and heated conversations, there’s probably been a time or two when you asked yourself “is this normal?”. 

In most cases, the answer is yes. But if your teen’s anger seems disproportionate to the situation or is affecting their well-being, they may need help regulating their emotions. 

How anger issues can impact your teen’s mental health

Anger is a natural emotion, but there’s a difference between healthy and unhealthy expressions of anger. When teens have difficulty regulating emotions like anger, it can have consequences for their mental and physical health. 

For example, research suggests that teens who experience anger frequently and intensely are more likely to report severe anxiety. Teens with anger and aggression issues are also more likely to have unhealthy habits, like increased alcohol or caffeine consumption and less physical activity. Unmanaged anger can even impact interpersonal relationships, academic performance, and career opportunities later in life.

For some teens, anger may represent a more serious mental health concern, like depression, anxiety, or a substance use disorder. It can also be a reaction to trauma or abuse.

Five tips for helping your teen manage their anger

If a teenager in your life is experiencing frequent anger, you’re probably wondering how to support them. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution for anger management, but there are practical tips to help teens understand and control their emotions. 

1. Identify their true feelings. If your teen says they’re angry, encourage them to take some time to reflect on their true feelings. They may realize that anger is the primary emotion, meaning the initial emotional response to a situation. But it may be a secondary emotion, like stress or disappointment, that’s driving their reaction. 
2. Model healthy behaviors. Show your teen how to make smart decisions by demonstrating healthy ways to handle anger and conflict. Be mindful of your body language and tone during heated moments, and focus on healthy outlets for managing anger and other challenging emotions. This helps you communicate to your teen that feeling anger is not wrong, but it’s important to have healthy ways to deal with this natural emotion. 
3. Build problem-solving skills. Anger becomes a problem when people don’t know how to manage it. Help your teen control their anger by discussing constructive ways to address and solve their issues. By looking at the big picture, they’ll be better prepared to consider the consequences of their actions and make more thoughtful choices.  
4. Prioritize open communication. Your teen may claim they don’t want to talk, but you can still remind them that you’re always available to listen or offer advice without judgment. By encouraging open communication in your relationship, you may inspire them to more effectively communicate with others. One tool is to use “I” statements, like “I feel angry when X.”
5. Explore therapy. Talk therapy, like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), can help support teens with anger issues. Working with a therapist can show your teen how to identify the root of their anger, challenge unhealthy thoughts, and develop a more positive perspective. Family therapy is another effective option for helping parents and teens deal with anger, anxiety, and depression.

Signs your teen may need help controlling their anger

At this point, you might still be wondering how to determine if your teen’s anger is age-appropriate angst or a sign of a bigger problem. While slamming doors and talking back are somewhat expected teen behaviors, frequent mood swings, aggressive outbursts, or self-harm may indicate underlying anger issues. 

Here are some signs that your teen’s anger is becoming a problem and they’d benefit from meeting with a mental health professional:

• Anger is their go-to emotion, even when it’s not appropriate. 
• Anger is affecting their relationships, academic performance, or quality of life. 
• They express their anger in unsafe or unhealthy ways, like through physical aggression.
• They’re having suicidal thoughts or engaging in self-harm behaviors.
• They have trouble calming down and regulating their emotions. 

Find care with Rula

Anger is a normal emotion for teens. But in some cases, it may be an indicator of an underlying mental health concern, like anxiety or depression. The key is learning how to recognize anger issues in your teen. After that, you can connect them with the right resources and support to manage big emotions in a healthy way. 

At Rula, we’re committed to helping teens and their parents quickly and easily find a mental health provider who takes their insurance and specializes in working with young adults. Rula’s diverse network of therapists means you can be seen virtually as soon as tomorrow.

Find a therapist with Rula