Financial abuse in relationships: What to know and how to protect yourself

While it may not cause visible injuries or leave obvious signs, financial abuse can be just as dangerous as any other form of abuse. All abuse stems from a desire to manipulate or control another person. It requires having power over another person and using that power to maintain control. In the case of financial abuse, an intimate partner will restrict the other partner’s access to money or their ability to provide for themselves and/or their children. 

If you’re experiencing financial abuse, know that you aren’t alone and help is available. There are discrete resources available to help you create a safety plan, repair your financial security, and protect yourself and your children from further harm.

Signs of financial abuse

To the outside observer, financial abuse isn’t always easy to detect. Statistically, women are more likely to experience it than men. And it can affect people from all different socioeconomic backgrounds, ethnicities, and cultural groups. 

Financial abuse can also be a warning signal for other forms of abuse, as nearly all cases of domestic violence involve financial abuse. If you’re worried that you’re being financially abused, it’s important to familiarize yourself with some common signs.

You may be experiencing financial abuse if:

• Your partner controls all of your family’s finances, and you don’t have access to any of your accounts.
• You go without basic necessities (like food or toiletries) unless your partner purchases them for you or gives you money to buy them.
• You’ve lost a job because your partner harasses you, calls constantly, or shows up repeatedly while you’re at work.
• You’ve missed work or arrived late several times because your partner has prevented you from leaving the house.
• When you make money, your partner takes it and you have no say in how it is spent.
• Your partner opens credit cards in your name or uses your credit cards without your permission.
• You can only work a job that your partner approves of, and you don’t get to make your own career choices.

Consequences of financial abuse on mental health

In the short term, not having access to money can prevent a person from securing safe, stable housing and providing for themselves and their children. And in the long term, financial abuse can lead to serious mental health challenges for survivors. 

For example, one study found that rates of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) were seven times higher in relationships where financial abuse had taken place. Economic or financial abuse is also known to be a risk factor for suicidality. That’s why it’s so important to take action to keep yourself and your family safe if you’re being financially abused. 

We know that asking for help can feel incredibly challenging at first, especially when you don’t have financial resources or assets of your own. But know that you don’t have to do it alone. To take the first step, talk to someone you trust, and tell them what you’re experiencing. And for immediate, confidential assistance, contact the National Domestic Abuse Hotline Website, or call 800-799-SAFE (7233). 

Seven ways to protect yourself from financial abuse

If you’re being financially abused, the following steps and strategies can help protect you.

1. Research the laws in your state. In some states, income and debts obtained during a marriage are legally shared by both partners. So you may be entitled to half of your spouse’s assets.
2. Seek job training. Many community resource centers, like domestic violence shelters, provide free access to job training. Leveling up your skills can help you secure a well-paying job.
3. Update your banking information. If your partner is spending your money or using your credit cards without permission, know that you can contact your bank and lenders to update your pins and passwords.
4. Start saving. If you can do so safely, start saving money or placing assets where your partner cannot access them. Keep in mind that if you open up a new savings or checking account, your bank may send statements to your home. 
5. Check your credit. You can check your credit report for unusual activity for free by visiting annualcreditreport.com or by calling 1-877-322-8228.
6. Don’t agree to co-sign. Opening up new lines of credit or taking out any loans with an abusive partner could put you at risk for further financial abuse. If they fail to make payments, you could be held responsible.
7. Know your rights. There are certain legal protections for survivors of domestic abuse. For example, you may be entitled to job protection if you need to take time off to go to court. 

Ways to support someone caught in financial abuse

If a friend or family member is experiencing financial abuse, remember that they know their needs and situation best. But here are some potential things you can do to help keep them safe.

• Offer emotional support away from their abuser, and let them know they can share what’s happening without fear of judgment.
• Offer rides to and from work or job trainings.
• Encourage them to document the abuse, and offer to keep those records in a safe place.
• Allow them to use your address for banking or financial information. 
• Offer to hold cash or other physical assets for them.

For more information on supporting someone you care about who is experiencing domestic abuse of any kind, check out this resource from the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Find care with Rula

Everyone deserves safe, loving, respectful relationships with their intimate partners. But if you’ve experienced financial abuse or any other form of intimate partner violence, know that you’re not alone. 

At Rula, we have an extensive network of therapists who specialize in many different areas, including healing from domestic abuse. When you need support, we invite you to explore our therapist-matching program. In just a few clicks, you can sift through your options, find a provider who takes your insurance, and make your first appointment as early as this week. 

However, if you’re facing immediate safety concerns, contact the National Domestic Abuse Hotline Website, or call 800-799-SAFE (7233) for confidential assistance. 

Find a therapist with Rula