Understanding eye contact avoidance in social anxiety

There’s an old saying that the eyes are the window to the soul. It calls to mind the feelings of deep knowing and connection that can arise through eye contact. Our eyes and facial expressions can be powerful communicators of what we’re thinking and feeling. But for some people, eye contact can be anxiety provoking.

Sometimes, differences in eye contact can be due to different cultural norms. However, ongoing problems with eye contact could be a sign of an underlying mental health condition, like social anxiety. So if you experience distress when meeting another person’s gaze, know that help is available. With the right support, you can manage your social anxiety and feel more comfortable connecting with others.

Why eye contact can be uncomfortable

Eye contact can mean different things in different cultures. In many Western countries, it’s seen as a sign of respect or confidence. But in other parts of the world, direct eye contact can be viewed as rude or aggressive. That’s why it’s important to consider someone’s cultural background before assuming their discomfort is a social or mental health concern.

In cultures where eye contact is expected, several factors can make it feel uncomfortable or even stressful:

• Genetics: Having a close relative, like a parent or sibling, who also struggles with eye contact due to a mental health condition like social anxiety may increase your risk.

• Biology: People who struggle with eye contact may have differences in the areas of the brain that control social cognition. This is often seen in people living with autism spectrum disorder (ASD).

• Environment: Experiencing traumatic events and subsequently developing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) may be linked to eye contact avoidance.

• Temperament: Some people are naturally more shy than others. This can make eye contact a challenge, especially when meeting new people.

These causes can make eye contact feel intense, threatening, or distracting, which is why some people avoid it even if they want to connect.

Is avoiding eye contact a sign of a mental health condition?

Avoiding eye contact doesn’t automatically mean you have a mental health condition. Many people look away when they feel overwhelmed or distracted.

However, a strong fear of eye contact can be linked to certain conditions. For example, people with social anxiety disorder (SAD) often fear being judged or noticed, so avoiding eye contact can feel safer. People with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) may also avoid eye contact because it can trigger hyperarousal — a state of emotional and sensory overload.

In these cases, avoiding eye contact isn’t rudeness or disinterest. It’s a way of managing intense stress during social interactions.

Tips for coping with eye contact anxiety

If you’re struggling with eye contact avoidance and it’s negatively affecting your life, you may want to consider working with a therapist to identify any underlying concerns. Here are some tips that can help you cope with eye contact anxiety.

1. Start small. If eye contact is hard for you, take it one step at a time. Rather than trying to maintain eye contact throughout a conversation, see if you can hold it for a few seconds before taking a break. Then, gradually increase this over time.

2. Use gestures. Eye contact is a way to show people that you’re listening. But it isn’t the only way to demonstrate that you care about what they have to say. For example, you can simply nod, shake your head, or use verbal acknowledgements like  “uh huh/yes/mhm.”

3. Have open conversations with loved ones. Sharing your discomfort with your support system can help ease awkward situations. It can remove the stress and pressure while you work on managing your symptoms.

4. Manage stress. Your eye contact anxiety might be worse when you’re feeling overwhelmed. So look for ways to make stress management a part of your daily routine. This might include doing breathing exercises, journaling, or listening to soothing music.

5. Practice with video. The next time you’re watching a video on your phone, TV, or computer, practice making eye contact with whoever is speaking. This is a low-pressure way to reduce eye contact anxiety.

Professional help for eye contact and social anxiety

If you’ve tried coping with eye contact anxiety on your own but it isn’t getting better, know that help is available. There are therapists who specialize in treating social anxiety and other conditions that can cause eye contact avoidance. Typically, this will involve an approach like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).

CBT helps people living with social anxiety uncover and challenge the negative thoughts and feelings that arise in social situations. It can also help you learn new coping strategies, reduce the impact of triggers, and help you feel more comfortable with eye contact.

Clinician's take

One challenge to look out for is that when a person begins to make more eye contact, they may notice heightened anxiety. This can impact their ability to communicate clearly or remember the details of their story. Remember that change can be gradual, and even small amounts of progress count.

Ashley Ayala, LMFT

Clinical reviewer

Find care with Rula

In many cultures, maintaining eye contact is a way to engage with others and show respect. But if you’re living with a mental health condition like social anxiety disorder, meeting another person’s gaze can be difficult. Fortunately, anxiety disorders are treatable, and you can learn to strengthen your social skills with the right support.

Thanks to Rula, you can access convenient, affordable mental healthcare without ever leaving your home. No matter the mental health issue you’re facing, you can use our therapist-matching program to find an in-network provider who’s right for you and schedule your first appointment for as soon as tomorrow.