Understanding eye contact avoidance in social anxiety

There’s an old saying that the eyes are the window to the soul. It calls to mind the feelings of deep knowing and connection that can arise through eye contact. Our eyes and facial expressions can be powerful communicators of what we’re thinking and feeling. But for some people, eye contact can be anxiety provoking. 

Sometimes, differences in eye contact can be due to different cultural norms. However, ongoing problems with eye contact could be a sign of an underlying mental health condition, like social anxiety. So if you experience distress when meeting another person’s gaze, know that help is available. With the right support, you can manage your social anxiety and feel more comfortable connecting with others.

Why can eye contact be uncomfortable?

Before we dive into why eye contact can be uncomfortable, we need to mention that its meaning isn’t universal. For example, in most Western countries, making eye contact while you’re speaking to someone is considered a sign of respect. But in other regions of the world, it could be considered rude or aggressive. That’s why it’s always important to consider someone’s culture before making assumptions about their social behavior or mental health. 

That said, there are a few reasons someone from a culture that values eye contact may struggle with it. These reasons include:

• Genetics: Having a close relative, like a parent or sibling, who also struggles with eye contact due to a mental health condition like social anxiety may increase your risk.
• Biology: People who struggle with eye contact may have differences in the areas of the brain that control social cognition. This is often seen in people living with autism spectrum disorder (ASD).
• Environment: Experiencing traumatic events and subsequently developing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) may be linked to eye contact avoidance.
• Temperament: Some people are naturally more shy than others. This can make eye contact a challenge, especially when meeting new people.

Is avoiding eye contact a sign of a mental health condition?

Avoiding eye contact doesn’t automatically mean you have a mental health condition. For example, you might break eye contact when you’re feeling overwhelmed or when your attention shifts to something else. 

However, if you have persistent, severe eye contact anxiety, it could be a sign of social anxiety disorder. People with social anxiety disorder have a pronounced fear of being the center of attention. They constantly worry about what other people think of them. For them, avoiding eye contact might be a way to avoid being noticed or in the “spotlight.” 

Unfortunately, this behavior might make social anxiety symptoms worse. Without eye contact, a person might miss important social cues or misjudge a social situation. In turn, this could reinforce fears about social interactions. 

Difficulty with eye contact can also be caused by autism spectrum disorder. This is because, for people with ASD, eye contact can bring about a state of hyperarousal. Hyperarousal is a form of emotional and sensory overload that can result in significant stress. So to prevent those feelings, autistic people may avoid meeting another person’s gaze.

Five tips for overcoming aversion to eye contact

If you’re struggling with eye contact avoidance and it’s negatively affecting your life, you may want to consider working with a therapist to identify any underlying concerns. Here are some tips that can help you cope with eye contact anxiety.

1. Start small. If eye contact is hard for you, take it one step at a time. Rather than trying to maintain eye contact throughout a conversation, see if you can hold it for a few seconds before taking a break. Then, gradually increase this over time.
2. Use gestures. Eye contact is a way to show people that you’re listening. But it isn’t the only way to demonstrate that you care about what they have to say. For example, you can simply nod, shake your head, or use verbal acknowledgements like  “uh huh/yes/mhm.”
3. Have open conversations with loved ones. Sharing your discomfort with your support system can help ease awkward situations. It can remove the stress and pressure while you work on managing your symptoms.
4. Manage stress. Your eye contact anxiety might be worse when you’re feeling overwhelmed. So look for ways to make stress management a part of your daily routine. This might include doing breathing exercises, journaling, or listening to soothing music.
5. Practice with video. The next time you’re watching a video on your phone, TV, or computer, practice making eye contact with whoever is speaking. This is a low-pressure way to reduce eye contact anxiety.

Professional help for eye contact and social anxiety

If you’ve tried coping with eye contact anxiety on your own but it isn’t getting better, know that help is available. There are therapists who specialize in treating social anxiety and other conditions that can cause eye contact avoidance. Typically, this will involve an approach like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). 

CBT helps people living with social anxiety uncover and challenge the negative thoughts and feelings that arise in social situations. It can also help you learn new coping strategies, reduce the impact of triggers, and help you feel more comfortable with eye contact.

Find care with Rula

In many cultures, maintaining eye contact is a way to engage with others and show respect. But if you’re living with a mental health condition like social anxiety disorder, meeting another person’s gaze can be difficult. Fortunately, anxiety disorders are treatable, and you can learn to strengthen your social skills with the right support. 

Thanks to Rula, you can access convenient, affordable mental healthcare without ever leaving your home. No matter the mental health issue you’re facing, you can use our therapist-matching program to find an in-network provider who’s right for you and schedule your first appointment for as early as this week.

Find a therapist with Rula