How to explain your experience with depression to a loved one

Major depressive disorder (MDD), commonly referred to as “depression,” is a mental health condition that affects millions of Americans. As of 2021, 8.3% of adults over the age of 18 had experienced an episode of depression over the past year. 

Despite it being widespread, depression can still be hard to discuss, even with the people you love. It can be difficult to speak up in the face of stigma and misunderstanding, and sometimes it’s simply an issue of language. It isn’t always easy to find the right words to describe what it’s like to live with depression, especially if the person you’re speaking with hasn’t gone through it themselves. 

At the same time, research shows that having a strong support network can help alleviate symptoms of depression. So while it can feel overwhelming at first, talking about your depression and making time to nurture your relationships can be important parts of your mental health journey.  

Why is depression so hard to explain to friends and family?

One of the reasons it can be hard to explain depression to friends and family is that it can affect people’s lives in different ways. In some cases, there may be observable signs, like staying in bed all day, not leaving the house, or engaging in self-harm. But in other cases, the signs of depression are far less visible.

Some people have a version of depression that’s commonly referred to as  high-functioning depression. In this presentation, the person might seem fine on the surface. They might be successful at work or school and even have an active social life. But inside, they might be struggling significantly. It can be challenging to describe the impact of depression when, to the outside observer, it doesn’t seem like anything is wrong. 

It’s also important to acknowledge the role that stigma can play in these conversations. Stigma is the false idea that someone who has a mental health condition, like depression, is inherently flawed. It causes people to mistakenly think that a person with depression is somehow less worthy or capable than someone else. These negative attitudes can make it harder for a person with depression to open up.

Helping someone understand what it’s like to have depression

If you’re living with depression, the thought of explaining your experience to other people might feel exhausting or overwhelming. In an ideal world, people with depression would not need to carry the full burden of teaching other people about their condition. 

However, helping your loved ones understand what you’re going through can help them support you during tough times, as well as when you start feeling better. You can use the following tips to help you start the conversation. Feel free to modify them in whatever ways work best for you.

• Use a physical analogy. “If I had a broken arm, I know my injury might be easier to see and understand. In my case, I don’t need to wear a cast or go to physical therapy, but I’m still experiencing something that causes pain and negatively affects my life.”  
• Translate your experience. “Depression makes me feel like I’m trapped in a dark room with no way to escape. I feel completely alone, like I’m in some isolated location, even when I’m surrounded by other people. When I do leave the house, it feels like it doesn’t matter, like people don’t actually care about me.”
• Describe the effects. “Despite all my hard work, my depression has kept me from achieving several of my goals. It’s also created distance in some of my relationships and prevented me from doing my best at school/work. It also makes it hard to take care of myself. Sometimes, even simple things like brushing my teeth can feel impossible.”
• Encourage them to do some research. “I really appreciate how much you want to support me. But when I’m having a depressive episode, talking about this stuff can be exhausting. Would you mind doing some of your own research on depression? We can talk about it again after you’ve had a chance to do some reading. I have a couple of resources that might help.”

Making the case for seeking treatment for depression

If you want to start receiving treatment for depression, you may need to enlist a loved one’s help. For example, maybe you’re using your parents’ health insurance, so you need their approval to see a therapist. Or perhaps you have a family and young children. In that case, you might need someone to provide transportation or help with childcare while you attend your sessions. 

If you feel like you have to make the case for seeking treatment, it might be helpful to remind your loved one that strengthening your mental health can have a positive effect on the entire family. You can also share some information on the efficacy of treatment. For example, therapy has been shown to help 41% of people who seek help for depression. 

Find care with Rula

Depression can feel like a heavy emotional burden that can be difficult to share with other people. But know that there are ways to help your loved ones understand how it’s affected your life. If you’re living with depression, your support network can be an invaluable resource as you work to strengthen your mental health. In addition, people living with depression often need professional help to manage their condition. 

When you need affordable, accessible mental healthcare, we invite you to explore Rula. With our therapist-matching program, you can find a provider who takes your insurance and schedule your first appointment as early as this week. Whether you need therapy, medication, or both, our team will be there to help you find the right care for your needs.

Learn more about depression