Five signs of an emotionally abusive relationship

Emotional abuse isn’t always obvious. It’s an often-subtle form of abuse that uses words, behaviors, and emotions to exert control over someone else. Though emotional abuse may look different from one relationship to the next, it can leave you with feelings of low self-worth, isolation, and powerlessness. 

If this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing emotional abuse from your partner. Know that there is no circumstance in which you deserve any of these feelings, and no one should be treated this way. To better understand whether you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship, here are some signs for you to look out for.

Signs of emotional abuse in a relationship

It can be challenging to recognize emotional abuse because it’s typically more discreet than other forms of abuse. However, there are several red flags that indicate emotional abuse, and it’s important to be aware of them. 

Your partner doesn’t have to check all of the below boxes for your relationship to be considered emotionally abusive. If even one or two of these signs resonate with you, your relationship could be abusive. 

Your partner may be emotionally abusing you if:

1.  They isolate you

Isolation is one of the key signs of an abusive relationship. It occurs when your partner cuts you off from your support system, like your friends and family members. This can include limiting contact with the people in your life or physically keeping you away from them. They might do this to impact your independence, making you more reliant on them.

Studies show that younger women are more likely to experience abuse-related isolation in their intimate relationships. However, as women age, they tend to gain a better understanding of independence and healthy relationships. They may also have access to a stronger support system. This decreases the likelihood of them staying in an abusive relationship. 

2.  They humiliate you

Emotional abuse can also involve your partner humiliating you. This tactic can undermine your power and bolster theirs.

Humiliation can come in a few different forms, including:

• Calling you names
• Embarrassing you in public
• Insulting your appearance
• Mocking your interests
• Controlling what you wear

3. They manipulate you

A partner who’s engaging in emotional abuse may use your feelings and emotions against you to create confusion and dependency.

Examples of manipulation include:

• Making you feel guilty
• Withholding affection
• Gaslighting you (making you doubt yourself and your perception of reality)
• Denying that they’re doing anything wrong
• Blaming you for their problems 

4. They create chaos

Another clear sign of emotional abuse is your partner intentionally creating chaos in your relationship. You should always feel safe in your relationship, no matter what.  

This chaos can show up as your partner:

• Having severe mood swings
• Making you feel like you’re walking on eggshells
• Picking fights for no apparent reason
• Hiding or destroying your belongings

5. Their behavior causes you to feel on edge, fearful, or afraid. 

If you’re still unsure whether your relationship is abusive, pay attention to your emotions. Does your partner make you feel safe, secure, and supported? Or do you constantly feel like you’re walking on eggshells? The emotions or sensations that arise when you’re around your partner  can provide valuable insight. 

Effects of emotional abuse from a partner

Researchers have found that the effects of emotional abuse can contribute to high levels of PTSD and depression. Unlike the visible signs of physical abuse, the scars of emotional abuse are hidden beneath the surface. Those scars can erode your sense of self and wreak havoc on your well-being. 

Emotional abuse can have both short-term and long-term effects, including: 

• Mental health challenges: Survivors of emotional abuse are at a higher risk for mental health issues like depression, anxiety, stress, PTSD, eating disorders, and substance use disorders. 

• Difficulty coping: Emotional abuse can lead to feelings of betrayal, as well as low self-worth and self-esteem. And you may use unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with those feelings.

• Lost sense of self: The longer the emotional abuse continues, the more your self-perception gets lost and replaced by the words and emotions of your abuser. This can leave you feeling completely lost and disconnected from your true self.  

Healing from an emotionally abusive relationship

Recognizing the signs of abuse is the first step in breaking free from an unhealthy relationship. If you experience any of the above warning signs in your intimate relationship(s), it’s important to be honest with yourself about the situation and what you would like to do moving forward.

Leaving this type of relationship can be incredibly challenging, but it’s possible if you choose to do so. Developing a safety plan and utilizing local resources can be a great place to start. Here are key steps that you can take to heal after leaving an emotionally abusive relationship. 

Don’t blame yourself

If you’ve experienced emotional abuse, your partner may have used manipulation tactics to blame you when things went wrong or when they had challenging emotions. But remember — you don’t deserve this kind of treatment. You are not responsible for your partner’s actions. 

Gather support

Sharing your experience of abuse with loved ones may be difficult. But having a strong support system can make a big difference as you navigate this journey. Try reaching out to trusted friends or family to share your experience.

Limit interactions

Once you’ve stepped away from the relationship, try to avoid contact with your former partner. If you aren’t able to avoid them entirely, limit your interactions as much as possible. This means ignoring text messages, calls, emails, social media pings, and visits that aren’t essential to your separation. 

Consider therapy

Research shows that therapy is highly effective in addressing the mental health effects of emotional abuse. 

Though many different kinds of therapy can help you work through your trauma, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), trauma-focused CBT, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) are great options.

Be kind to yourself

If you’ve gone through a traumatic experience, it’s important to practice compassion toward yourself. Focus your energy on what you need and how you can rebuild your self-worth and self-love. It may also help to treat yourself as you would a close friend or family member.

Find care with Rula

Emotional abuse can have a devastating impact on your life. Recognizing the signs of emotional abuse is the first step toward healing, and Rula is here to support you all along the way. 

Rula makes finding the right therapist simple. In under 30 seconds, you can be matched with a mental health professional who understands your specific needs and takes your insurance. And, our extensive network of therapists means you can be seen as soon as this week.

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