Letting it out: Healthy ways to vent your feelings

When was the last time you “vented” to a friend about the challenges you were facing? This is a very common behavior that almost all of us have engaged in at some point. In these situations, you’re not necessarily looking for advice or a solution but rather just need to talk about your feelings with someone.

But while talking to loved ones about your problems can be helpful in some situations, research shows that simply venting about them — without trying to come to any conclusion or solution — can actually do more harm than good. This doesn’t mean that you should bottle your feelings up, but there are ways to express yourself beyond venting that can provide relief. 

Is emotional venting healthy?

Whether we’re going through a breakup or dealing with a difficult supervisor at work, we all know how good it can feel to vent to others about it. When venting, we’re not looking for any particular advice or solutions. We simply want to focus on and express our frustrations. Bottling up feelings — also known as emotional suppression — can lead to increased stress, so it’s no wonder we feel tempted to vent to others about it. It’s important to note that venting is not the only form of emotional expression and there are many ways to process our emotions.

We might feel better when we talk about our problems with someone else too. Just like journaling allows us to get our feelings down on paper, it can sometimes help to describe our emotional experiences in words and have an emotional release. 

Venting can also feel good because it can be a way of gaining emotional support from whoever is listening. Sometimes just having a supportive listening ear can help us feel a little less alone.

Why does venting feel bad sometimes?

While venting can provide a temporary emotional release, research shows that it can make things worse. 

For example, one study found that simply talking about your painful or negative emotions — without attempting to do anything about them — actually makes people feel worse. While having a supportive and nonjudgmental listener can provide some emotional relief, this study found  the relief to be only temporary — and the painful feelings returned later on.

Another study found that venting anger in aggressive ways — like beating a punching bag — only led to increased feelings of anger. In fact, simply sitting without doing anything was more effective in reducing anger than venting. This means that using venting strategies like anger rooms may actually only be trapping you in these feelings of anger without providing a way out.

Venting and focusing on the emotion as a coping strategy can even lead to an increased risk of depression and anxiety, according to one study. Unfortunately, venting and mental health problems can get locked in a vicious cycle. If you live with anxiety or depression, you may be more likely to use venting as a coping strategy — but this type of venting only keeps you feeling negative and painful emotions.

Part of why venting can make you feel even worse is because it can lead to rumination. When you ruminate, you get stuck in a narrow way of thinking. You’re not able to take different perspectives on the situation or come up with solutions. You’re simply going over and over the painful emotions without providing yourself a way out.

When does ‘venting’ become ‘dumping’?

Venting to loved ones can also have negative effects on your relationships. Emotional dumping is when people vent their feelings or traumatic experiences to someone without any consideration for the other person’s state of mind or needs.

For example, imagine that you had recently lost a loved one. Your friend is having quarrels with their significant other and constantly vents to you about it. You have your own emotional pain to work through at the moment, and you’re not in the right mental space to be able to support your friend through their relationship problems. But your friend continues to vent about their painful experiences without ever asking about your own. This could be an example of emotional dumping.

Emotional dumping can make the listener feel exhausted or resentful, so it’s always important to check in to make sure that anyone you’re venting to has the emotional capacity to listen.

Healthy tips for sharing your feelings

Venting in and of itself isn’t a stand-alone solution to feeling better about your problems. But if done in a specific way, it can be part of a holistic coping strategy. 

Here are some tips for venting about your feelings in a healthy way:

• Combine emotional support with problem solving. Venting can be helpful when it’s paired with action. After expressing your feelings, see if there are steps you can take to address the issue. For example, instead of just venting about work stress, consider brainstorming ways to set boundaries around work. 
• Try to see different perspectives. When you’re venting, it can be easy to focus solely on your frustrations. Try to shift your perspective by considering how someone else might see the situation or looking for a silver lining. This can help you break out of negative thought patterns.
• Vent to an experienced listener. Choose someone who can listen without judgment and won’t feel overwhelmed. For example, a therapist is trained to help you process feelings without turning to rumination.
• Sit with your feelings. Sometimes, venting isn’t necessary. Instead, practice sitting with your emotions and observing them without judgment. Mindfulness and deep-breathing exercises can help you process feelings in a healthier way.
• Have a goal. Before venting, think about what you hope to achieve. Are you seeking advice, emotional support, or just validation? Setting a clear intention can help you avoid getting stuck in unproductive rumination.
• Journal about positive feelings, not just negative ones. While it’s OK to write about your frustrations, try balancing this by journaling about things you’re grateful for or moments of joy. Keeping a “vent book” that includes both positive and negative entries can help shift your focus and improve your mood over time.

Where can you vent your feelings?

To avoid accidentally dumping your emotions onto someone, it’s important to make sure they have the mental and emotional capacity to support you first. Try saying something like, “Hey, I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now and could use someone to talk to. Do you have the mental space to listen for a bit?”

A journal is also an appropriate place to vent your feelings. Writing down your emotions allows you to process them privately and reflect on your experiences in a structured way.

Lastly, finding a therapist is perhaps the best way to vent your feelings in a healthy and productive way. A therapist is trained and qualified to listen to you and help you process your feelings without making them more painful. They can not only lend a supportive and nonjudgmental ear, but they can prevent you from ruminating on problems and help you to process the experience.

Find care with Rula

If you’re dealing with a challenging situation, venting about it might make you feel good temporarily — but it’s not a long-term solution. A qualified therapist can listen to you while simultaneously helping you take new perspectives and discover ways to move forward.

At Rula, we have an expansive network of therapists with over 80 different clinical specialties, including stress and anxiety. We’ve helped hundreds of thousands of patients find affordable, quality, in-network therapy. With Rula’s therapist-matching tool, you can schedule your first online appointment for as soon as tomorrow.

Find a therapist with Rula