What’s at the root of emotional detachment?

When you witness or experience something upsetting — like going through a breakup or viewing images of war — you may expect to feel a strong emotional response. So it can be surprising and troubling to realize you don’t feel anything at all. This is the experience of emotional detachment.

Emotional detachment is when you feel disconnected from the feelings and experiences of other people and yourself. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or that you don’t care. With the support of therapy, you can figure out where your emotional detachment is coming from and find a way forward that works for you.

Signs you’re emotionally detached

Any of us can become emotionally detached. Certain people may be more vulnerable to emotional detachment, but it can happen to anyone if we’re overwhelmed enough. Usually, emotional detachment happens not because we’re uncaring by nature, but because we’re so overwhelmed that detachment feels like the only way to protect ourselves.

You can become emotionally detached in general or in response to a specific person or situation. For example, many people experience emotional detachment after being exposed to news stories recounting the many natural disasters, conflicts, and suffering going on in the world. But you can also voluntarily practice emotional detachment from a person in your life who brings toxicity.

Some common signs that you’re emotionally detached include:

• You feel emotionally numb, like you can’t conjure up any emotions no matter how hard you try.
• Things that used to upset or bother you no longer do.
• You find yourself avoiding things that trigger any emotional reaction from you.
• It’s difficult for you to get truly close with people because it’s hard to allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable.

Keep in mind that emotional detachment isn’t the same thing as dissociation, although they may share some traits. Dissociation is a mental health phenomenon in which you experience a sense of detachment from the reality around you. You might feel like your life isn’t real or that you aren’t real. Dissociation usually goes beyond emotional detachment, and it typically happens involuntarily in response to trauma.

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Why you might be prone to detachment

Although anyone can experience emotional detachment, certain experiences and conditions can make you more vulnerable to it.

Some possible risk factors for emotional detachment include:

• Depression: Well over half of people with depression report symptoms of emotional blunting, which can be related to emotional detachment. It’s when you aren’t able to feel strong emotions. Unfortunately, some antidepressants can also cause emotional blunting.
• Trauma: Emotional detachment after trauma can be a coping mechanism. The memories of what happened might be frightening or distressing, and it might feel easier to detach from them. Detachment after trauma is associated with worse mental health outcomes.
• Disinhibited social engagement disorder: Children with this condition may become overly familiar with strangers while struggling to form meaningful emotional connections with caregivers. As they grow up, they may continue to have difficulty forming deep and trusting relationships. Emotional detachment can become a way to cope with unstable or unsafe attachments.
• Reactive attachment disorder: Children with this attachment disorder may seem withdrawn, emotionally distant, or struggle to seek comfort from others. If left unaddressed, this can continue into adulthood and make emotional detachment feel like the only way to navigate relationships.

If you live with any of these conditions, you may experience emotional detachment as an automatic defense mechanism against your symptoms. For example, if you live with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), you may have learned to emotionally detach yourself from both your own and others’ experiences because your underlying emotions are too painful.

But others may choose to voluntarily detach themselves emotionally from certain situations. For example, if a certain relationship has consistently been toxic, you might choose to try to detach emotionally. Or you might feel overwhelmed and feel the need to emotionally detach yourself from the goings-on of the world, at least temporarily.

Ways to overcome emotional detachment

Intentionally detaching yourself emotionally can sometimes be a healthy coping mechanism to deal with toxic people or situations in your life.

But if emotional detachment happened involuntarily for you or has become pervasive, it can be uncomfortable to feel so disconnected. Emotional detachment, and the avoidance it brings, can also prevent you from taking tangible action to solve the problems in your life.

If emotional detachment feels uncomfortable for you or if you’re concerned that it’s becoming a problem in your life, there are ways to manage it and get back in touch with your emotions.

Practice mindfulness of emotion

Mindfulness is the practice of staying present in each moment regardless of what it brings. You can practice mindfulness — learning how to stay present with any emotion that comes up — in many different ways. As you build a strong mindfulness practice and focus on your current emotions, it may become easier to notice and sit with both pleasant and unpleasant emotions instead of trying to detach yourself from them.

Open up (to people you trust)

It’s easy to want to emotionally detach yourself from people you don’t feel safe around. So it may help you to relearn how to be vulnerable and strengthen relationships with people in your life who accept you as you are. Talk about your emotions with these safe people, and try to challenge yourself to be vulnerable with them. This can take time and practice, so don’t worry if it doesn’t come naturally at first.

Not only can you practice opening up to those you trust, but you can also challenge yourself to allow your loved ones to open up to you. Choose to sit with a loved one while they’re going through a hard time, allow them to share their experience with you, and ask yourself how you feel as they do. Exposing yourself to others’ emotions can allow you to emotionally attach to people more effectively. 

Try journaling

Sometimes, writing can be a good way to allow yourself to get in touch with the emotions that you may have been trying to ignore. Try to journal about what you’re feeling emotionally detached from. Allow yourself the time to feel whatever emotion comes up without trying to change it. Some people find it easier to express themselves through other creative methods, like art or music. 

Work through it in therapy

Especially if your emotional detachment is related to an underlying mental health condition, working with a therapist can help. A therapist can help you untangle where your emotional detachment started and figure out alternative ways to deal with what you’re going through.

Find care with Rula

Emotional detachment can sometimes be a healthy way to deal with toxic relationships or situations in life. But if it’s happening outside of your control or spreading to other areas of your life (or you’d like to be more connected to your emotions) therapy can help. 

At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best. 

Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we’re here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.

Get started with Rula today