Managing divorce anxiety: Finding calm in the chaos

Filing for divorce is a significant life change that can trigger a rollercoaster of emotions, ranging from sadness and grief to relief, guilt, and anxiety about the future.

Anxiety is a natural response to stress, but it can lead to an anxiety disorder if not addressed. Stress and anxiety can increase the risk of developing physical health issues, including diabetes, stomach ulcers, and heart problems. Research has shown that going to therapy directly after or during a divorce improves health-related quality of life.

Can divorce cause anxiety?

The lifestyle changes, financial difficulties, and grief associated with divorce can all lead to increased anxiety. The Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory ranks divorce as the second most stressful life event. 

Research shows that going through a divorce can cause stress, anxiety, and fear of the unknown. In some cases, concerns about children, housing, or finances, as well as self-esteem issues, can lead people to use alcohol to self-medicate.

For individuals who already experience anxiety, the intense stress of divorce can amplify catastrophic thinking, or catastrophizing — an overwhelming focus on worst-case scenarios. This negative mindset not only escalates anxiety but can also lead to depression. Anxiety can also lead to higher levels of irritability. 

Divorce can be stressful for both couples and their family members. Research shows young adults with divorced parents report more loneliness, chronic stress, and attachment anxiety.

What does divorce anxiety feel like?

It’s natural to feel stressed when dividing assets or co-parenting during a divorce. However, watch out for these signs that may indicate a more concerning anxiety condition:  

• Increased irritability: Going through a divorce can be incredibly stressful, but if you’re losing your temper with friends, family, or co-workers, it can be a sign that anxiety is taking its toll. 
• Negative thoughts: If you find yourself believing you’re a failure because your marriage ended in divorce or telling yourself repeatedly that all your future relationships are doomed, you may be having repetitive negative thoughts (RNTs), also known as rumination.
• Problems sleeping: Sleep disturbances, including the ability to fall asleep and stay asleep, are linked with anxiety. When you’re worried, you might be plagued with repetitive negative thoughts that make it difficult to fall asleep.
• Flu-like symptoms: Anxiety can also manifest as physical symptoms, like headaches, upset stomach, a rapid heartbeat, fatigue, and sweating. 

Symptoms of anxiety in children of divorce can be similar to those of adults but can also include:

• Separation anxiety: A child may experience separation anxiety and have an intense fear of being away from a parent.
• Changes in behavior: Children experiencing their parents’ divorce may suddenly be disruptive in class, struggle with focusing, disobey their teacher, or act aggressively toward other students. Other children may become withdrawn. 
• Feelings of guilt: Young children may not understand the concept of divorce and believe they did something to cause their parents’ separation.

Developing coping skills for divorce anxiety

Anxiety can take a toll on your emotional and physical health. You can reduce the symptoms of anxiety through self-care strategies. These might include: 

• Mastering positive self-talk: Try using positive affirmations to reduce anxiety and increase your self-confidence. Practice deep breathing, while telling yourself, “I am capable and can do this by taking things one day at a time,” or, “I have friends and family who love and accept me.”
• Embracing movement: The next time you begin to feel anxious, consider taking a walk or bike ride. Research shows that people who engage in regular physical activity have less frequent and less severe anxiety symptoms.
• Starting a journal: Writing down your feelings has been shown to help with symptoms of anxiety and depression. It’s also a good way to gain insight into your anxiety triggers and help you to challenge negative thoughts.
• Meditating: Obtain a sense of calm and peace by adding meditation to your day. Start by taking five minutes to find a quiet place to sit or stand where you can practice deep-breathing-focused meditation or progressive muscle relaxation.

Treatment for anxiety disorders during divorce

A therapist trained in divorce counseling can work with you through this life change and provide a safe space to process your anxiety, resentment, or worry about the future. Sometimes this life change leads to experiencing the emotional stages of divorce.

One of the most effective treatments for divorce anxiety is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). This form of talk therapy can help both you and your children reframe negative thought patterns and build emotional resilience.

For young children, cognitive behavioral play therapy (CBPT) can help. In these one-on-one sessions, a therapist may use puppets, games, toys, and play activities to help children verbalize their emotions and develop coping skills.

Find care with Rula

Going through a divorce can be a stressful experience that can result in anxiety for both adults and children. If you or a loved one is navigating divorce-related anxiety, know that help is available. There are mental health professionals who are specifically trained in the emotional impacts of divorce.

With Rula, you can use our matching tool to connect with a therapist who can meet your unique needs. In just a few minutes, you can match with a therapist who accepts your insurance and specializes in divorce anxiety. With our diverse network of providers, you can begin therapy as early as this week in a convenient online setting.

Find a therapist with Rula