Silent nights, depression, and the holidays

If you feel depressed during the holidays, you’re not alone. While it may be a joyous time for some, it can bring up some negative feelings and behaviors for others. 

In the U.S., 21% of adults who feel stressed around the holidays turn to unhelpful coping strategies like isolating themselves. And 13% rely on alcohol or nicotine to feel better. However, there are healthier ways to cope, like reaching out to friends or family, engaging in physical activity, or practicing mindfulness techniques.

Holiday depression can strike before, during, or after holiday festivities and family get-togethers. While this type of depression is different from major depressive disorder (MDD), they can share similar signs. MDD, also known as clinical depression, is a mental health condition that causes persistent low mood, self-esteem, hopelessness, and a loss of interest or pleasure in activities. 

The holiday blues can be difficult to combat, especially when everyone else seems so jolly. You might feel like you’re alone in this challenge, but know that many people experience holiday depression, even if it’s not obvious. Start by educating yourself about these feelings. If your symptoms persist, consider reaching out for support. Taking this step can lead to positive changes and help you navigate this season more comfortably.       

Why can the holidays be so depressing?

There are several reasons why you might feel less than merry around the holidays. The most common reasons can range from the holidays bringing up painful memories to social isolation to seasonal affective disorder. 

Family conflicts

For one, you might be dreading time with extended family. Nearly nine in 10 American adults feel holiday stress, partly because they anticipate fighting with family.  

Grief 

Losing a loved one can also make the holidays hit hard. Even if it’s been years since they’ve died, reminders of your relative or loved one might bring up feelings of sadness and grief. In fact, 36% of Americans don’t want to celebrate the holidays because of grief and loss. 

Loneliness 

Social isolation during the holidays can also present a challenge. Not everyone has family or friends to spend the holidays with. If you’re estranged or your family is no longer around, the holidays can be a lonely time. Loneliness is particularly present among people older than age 60.

Financial stress

Holidays can also make us spend more money. Whether it’s family or societal pressure, your bank account might suffer during this time. If you’re already worried about money, the added financial strain could make you feel down.  

Seasonal issues

The colder and darker days that tend to fall around some major holidays can also trigger the holiday blues. And if you already have depression or seasonal affective disorder, marked by depressive episodes linked to seasonal changes in light and weather. 

How to deal with holiday depression

Coping with holiday depression may seem like a daunting task. After all, you also have the stress of the holidays to contend with. 

But having some strategies that you can turn to during the holidays can help. Here are a few ways to start: 

• Focus on the basics: Seemingly simple tasks like eating well and getting enough sleep are crucial for your well-being and can combat depression symptoms.
• Reach out: Be honest with your trusted friends and family about your feelings. Talking about your holiday blues can help you move through your emotions and may reveal that others feel the same. 
• Get moving: Find ways to exercise, whether it’s going for a brisk walk, working out at the gym, or a dance party in your living room. For some people, exercise can be just as effective as antidepressants. However, if you’re considering medication for your symptoms, it’s important to discuss this with your prescriber to explore the best options for you.
• Connect with your community: If you’re feeling lonely or hopeless, it might be helpful to volunteer for a cause you care about. These opportunities are usually plentiful during the holidays and can introduce you to like-minded people. 
• Don’t be afraid to say no: Between gift shopping, holiday get-togethers, and staying on top of daily responsibilities, you might feel like you have no time for yourself. It can feel empowering to say no to invites that feel overwhelming or politely leave parties early. 
• Avoid substances: Substance use can increase depression symptoms, so it’s best to steer clear if you’re feeling down. 

Sometimes — even with coping strategies or lifestyle changes — your depression symptoms won’t go away. If you experience any of the following, it’s time to seek professional support:

• Suicidal thoughts or plans*
• Inability to get out of bed 
• Loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy
• Intrusive thoughts 
• Dramatic increase in substance use 
• Frequent anxiety 
• Decreased appetite 
• Trouble sleeping or insomnia

Working with a therapist can help you navigate depression symptoms and find healthy coping mechanisms, whether you’re feeling down during the holidays or other times of the year. 

*A note on safety: If you’re having suicidal thoughts, remember you’re not alone—help is available 24/7. You can reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988, or chat online for confidential support from counselors dedicated to your safety.

Coping with post-holiday blues

In some cases, you might feel depressed after the holidays are over. Spending more time with friends and family might have lifted your spirits. And now, you feel the post-holiday let down. 

You might also feel exhausted from the sheer amount of energy that’s required during the holidays. Experiment limiting social interactions and activities to see if that helps you feel better. 

There are ways to keep up the same holiday cheer, even after the festivities end. Consider initiating a regular hangout with friends that mimics elements of the holidays, like dressing up or sharing homemade goods. You can also stay connected with family, even if you don’t live nearby, with a monthly in-person or virtual get-together. Finally, know that you can blast “Jingle Bells” year round if you want to.  

And remember, it’s perfectly okay to seek help if you find these feelings overwhelming. If needed, reaching out to a mental health professional can provide valuable support and guidance.

Find care with Rula

The holidays can come with a mix of emotions. Some people may feel joyful, while others can experience feelings of sadness or depression. If you feel the holiday blues, know this is normal and there’s help available. Talking to a therapist who specializes in depression can be a valuable step toward finding support and improving your well-being. 

With Rula’s therapist-matching program, you can quickly and easily find a therapist who takes your insurance and offers the care you need. You can find a match with a few clicks and schedule an appointment as soon as tomorrow.

Find a therapist with Rula