Navigating the dating world with social anxiety

If you’re like most people looking for a romantic relationship, you’ve probably spent some time in the dating world. Meeting new people can be as exciting as it is intimidating. There’s so much pressure to put your best foot forward and make a good impression. At the same time, you have to deal with the possibility of rejection or a mismatch and all of the uncomfortable feelings that can bring. These reasons, among others, might be why almost half of all Americans say that dating is harder now than it was 10 years ago. 

And if you’re a person who has social anxiety disorder, dating may feel even more daunting. 

Symptoms of social anxiety disorder include an intense fear of social interaction. You might worry deeply about how others perceive you. It can make it hard to reach out to a potential partner, feel like yourself on dates, or maintain eye contact. 

Fortunately, with the right support, you can successfully navigate the dating world with social anxiety. By learning techniques to manage worries while honoring your own needs, you can build meaningful connections with potential partners. 

Why does social anxiety make it hard to date?

One of the primary features of social anxiety disorder is something called behavioral inhibition (BI). BI can cause you to feel fearful of new situations and people, making it harder to seek and form romantic relationships.

Another reason why social anxiety can make it harder to date has to do with how it can affect your self-worth. For example, one recent study on online dating found that people with social anxiety disorder tended to feel more shame or embarrassment when using apps or going on dates. However, other research highlights the benefits of online dating for mitigating social anxiety. 

If you have social anxiety and it’s impacting your ability to form romantic relationships, know that there’s support available to help you find an approach to dating that works for you.

Nine tips for dating with social anxiety

If your anxiety is keeping you from dating or pursuing potential romantic partners, the following tips can help: 

• Learn about social anxiety. Familiarizing yourself with how social anxiety can affect dating can help you better understand your experience. It can also help you see your dating challenges as a symptom of your condition, as opposed to a personal weakness or flaw.
• Practice self-compassion. Remember that everyone, including people who don’t have social anxiety, struggles with dating. So if you’re having a difficult time meeting someone, know that you’re not alone.
• Join group activities. Think about your hobbies and interests, and look for opportunities to connect with other people who enjoy the same things. This can be a great way to meet potential partners with whom you already have something in common.
• Try the apps. Dating apps aren’t for everyone (and that’s OK!). But some people with social anxiety disorder find that apps can help take the pressure off during those first few interactions. 
• Consider your social circle. If social anxiety makes you uncomfortable with new people, consider your existing friends and acquaintances. Is there anyone in your life who might be a potential candidate for a date?
• Be mindful of your social battery. If you have social anxiety disorder, you might need some extra self-care while you’re dating and meeting new people. Be sure to set aside time for yourself to do things that energize you and strengthen your well-being.
• Take things slowly. Rather than going to dinner, a movie, or something that takes several hours, keep your dates simple, at least at first. For example, offer to meet up for coffee or a short walk in a park. 
• Prepare some talking points. If you’re worried about awkward silences or what you’ll talk about during your date, brainstorm some ideas ahead of time. Think of some questions that will help you get to know the other person. 
• Talk about your anxiety. When you feel ready, it might help to let the other person know that you have social anxiety. The right person will listen, offer support, and accept you for who you are.

Don’t let social anxiety hold back your dating life

If social anxiety is negatively affecting your dating life, and it doesn’t seem to be getting better, know that help is available. Taking some time to work on your mental health in therapy is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. But it can also improve your dating life, too. 

Treatment for social anxiety typically includes therapy such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) along with some lifestyle changes. Sometimes, medication can be helpful. You can talk to your provider about the best options for your needs. 

Find care with Rula

Having social anxiety disorder can make it hard to date for many reasons. It can make you fear meeting new people and worry about how others will perceive you. However, know that social anxiety is a treatable condition. With the right support, you can learn to manage your worries and improve your confidence, communication skills, and self-esteem. 

When you need mental health care you can access from the comfort of home, we invite you to explore Rula. Our therapist-matching program makes it easy to find an in-network therapist who offers the specialized care you deserve. And thanks to our extensive network, you won’t wait months for an appointment. In just a few minutes you can select a provider and make your first appointment as soon as tomorrow.

Find a therapist with Rula