Compulsive lying: What it is and how to manage it

Lying on occasion is normal, and it’s rare to find someone who’s never done it. But for some people, lying isn’t just an occasional indulgence. Rather, it’s a persistent pattern that they may have trouble breaking.

People who compulsively lie take lying to the extreme. They tell several lies a day, even when it gets them into dangerous situations, and may not care about how their lies affect other people. 

If you’re dealing with compulsive lying, then there are ways to address the behavior and treat underlying mental health conditions that may be causing it. With the right support, you can live a life that’s more aligned with your values.

What is compulsive lying? 

Compulsive lying is when lying becomes an unhealthy habit. There’s no official clinical definition, but some researchers have defined pathological or compulsive lying as telling many lies every day for longer than six months. 

We all lie sometimes, but compulsive or pathological lying takes lying far beyond what’s considered healthy or typical. And it’s more common than you might think. In fact, one study found that up to 13% of people self-identified as struggling with compulsive lying. 

The word “compulsive” conveys the idea that lying often isn’t a choice for people who struggle with this type of behavior. Rather, they do it frequently and out of habit. Often, their motive is unclear, and they may lie for no reason at all. Lying compulsively not only hurts the people around them, but it can also have serious consequences in their own lives. 

For example, people who can’t stop lying may face problems at work, in relationships, and within the legal system. They may feel stress and emotional pain because of their lying and may even find themselves in dangerous situations.

Four ways to stop lying compulsively

Fortunately, like any unhealthy behavior, you can learn to manage your compulsive lying. If you’ve been compulsively lying for a long time, it’s probably become a habit, so it may be hard to break. Keep working toward your goals, and understand that it might take some time to learn how to manage this behavior.

Here are some practical strategies you can use to stop compulsive lying:

1. Identify the root cause. What needs do you hope to meet by lying? Is it a need for attention or superiority? Is it to avoid rejection or shame? If you can’t put your finger on why you lie so often, a therapist can help you explore this behavior and address its underlying cause.
2. Build a mindfulness practice. This can be especially helpful if compulsive lying has become second nature to you. Mindfulness can help you take a pause before you speak and become more intentional about what you say. It can also help you notice your lying triggers and how you feel before, during, and after telling a lie.
3. Get an accountability partner. It can be helpful to have someone “check” you on your lies, but the key is to be honest with them. Your accountability partner should be a trusted friend or therapist who can gently remind you of your goal to be truthful.
4. Practice compassion. Remind yourself that compulsive lying may hurt the people you love, which is why it’s important to stop. This doesn’t need to lead to feelings of guilt and self-loathing because it’s important to practice self-compassion too. You sometimes behave in a way that hurts others, and you are a worthy human being who’s doing your best. Both of these things can be true at the same time.

Signs of compulsive lying

Because compulsive lying isn’t recognized as a mental health condition, there are no official symptoms of it. But there are some key signs to be aware of. 

You might be struggling with compulsive lying if you experience:

• Frequent lying: Telling multiple lies daily over an extended period
• Lack of a clear motive: Lying even when it’s unnecessary or without clear benefit
• Automatic lying: Lying out of habit, without conscious intent
• A web of lies: Getting caught in a complex network of lies
• An impact on your life: Experiencing relationship issues or legal problems due to lying
• Elaborate details: Adding unnecessary or complex details when lying
• Fear of discovery: Worrying about the consequences of being caught lying
• Use for personal gain: Lying to achieve goals or avoid trouble, with varying levels of guilt

Is compulsive lying a mental health condition?

Compulsive lying is not classified as a mental health diagnosis. However, it may be a symptom of underlying mental health issues or conditions, like personality disorders.

Mental health conditions that are associated with compulsive lying include:

• Narcissistic personality disorder: People with narcissistic traits may lie compulsively to get attention, feel superior, or manipulate others. They may lie to enhance their self-esteem or meet their needs for validation.
• Antisocial personality disorder: Antisocial personality disorder is also called sociopathy. People with this condition may lie compulsively to get their own needs met or because they have a hard time empathizing with others and understanding how their actions could affect them. 
• Borderline personality disorder: People with borderline personality disorder may lie compulsively to avoid real or imagined abandonment or as a result of intense or unstable emotions. Their compulsive lying may be driven by an extreme fear of rejection or abandonment.
• Substance use disorder: People with substance use disorders may frequently lie about their use of drugs or alcohol, often deceiving both themselves and others about the extent of their addiction and its impact.
• Factitious disorder and Munchhausen disorder by proxy: People with these conditions compulsively lie to convince medical professionals and others of illnesses that they (or their loved ones) don’t really have.

Keep in mind that anyone, whether they have a mental health condition or not, can compulsively lie. And many people who live with these conditions can learn to manage their symptoms and keep their compulsively lying in check.

What causes compulsive lying?

There are many reasons that people may compulsively lie. Even if you don’t live with a mental health condition, you could compulsively lie because you learned from a young age that it’s a way to get your needs met. For instance, if you grew up seeing lying as a way to avoid trouble or gain approval, you might have adopted this behavior as a coping mechanism. 

People may compulsively lie for many reasons, including:

• For attention or sympathy: People might lie to attract attention and sympathy from others, often to feel valued or cared for.
• To control others’ opinions: Lying can be a way to manipulate how others perceive them, creating a desired image or reputation.
• To avoid consequences: People sometimes use lies to avoid punishment, blame, or other negative outcomes associated with their actions.
• To gain material resources or fame: Compulsive lying can be driven by a desire for material gain, status, or recognition.
• To protect their self-esteem: Lies can serve as a defense mechanism to shield oneself from feelings of inadequacy or failure.
• To avoid rejection or shame: A person might lie to protect themselves from rejection or embarrassment, especially in social or personal situations.
• Out of habit or compulsion: In some cases, lying becomes a habitual behavior or a compulsion that occurs automatically, without a clear motive.

Not everyone who compulsively lies does it to hurt or manipulate other people. Other reasons that people may lie compulsive include:

• To help with low self-esteem: People with low self-esteem might lie to enhance their self-worth or to present themselves in a more favorable light.
• To impress or entertain: Some people lie to make others laugh, impress them, or fit in with a particular group.
• To cope with painful emotions: Lying can be a coping mechanism for dealing with difficult or painful emotions, providing a temporary escape from reality.
• Because of a fear of rejection: A fear of rejection can lead to compulsive lying as a way to avoid disapproval or to gain acceptance from others.
• Due to a history of trauma: Those who have experienced childhood trauma might use compulsive lying as a coping mechanism.
• Because of learned behavior: Compulsive lying can become a deeply ingrained habit if it was modeled or reinforced during childhood.

Is compulsive lying genetic?

The role of genetics in compulsive lying is still under investigation, and more research is needed for a complete understanding. Some studies suggest that there may be a genetic component to dishonest behaviors like compulsive lying. 

For instance, research on twins has indicated that everyday dishonest behavior, like cheating on taxes or calling out sick when you’re not, is at least partly determined by your genes. Another study found that antisocial behavior, which can include compulsive lying, might be influenced by genetics to some extent, with estimates suggesting around 40% genetic influence.

This doesn’t mean that if you were raised by caregivers who compulsively lied, you’ll necessarily adopt the same behavior. Even if compulsive lying is hereditary (which is still not fully established), genetics only account for a portion of our behavior. Other factors, such as environment and personal experiences, also play a significant role. However, if you find yourself engaging in compulsive lying and aren’t sure why, exploring genetic factors might provide some insight.

Treatment options for compulsive lying

Unhealthy chronic behaviors, like compulsive lying, can often be hard to manage without professional support. If you’ve tried to stop lying and haven’t been able to, then it may be time to speak to a therapist. Therapy for compulsive lying can help you get to the root of your behavior, address potential underlying trauma, and find healthier ways to get your needs met.

Just like any other compulsive behavior (like substance use), some people may experience the urge to lie even after they quit. But with support, you can manage these impulses, live more closely aligned with your values, and find healthier coping mechanisms.

We don’t yet have much research on what treatment methods could be effective for compulsive lying. In one study, clinicians suggested treatments like: 

• Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) 
• Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)
• Emotion-focused therapy
• Motivational interviewing
• Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) 

If compulsive lying is linked to an underlying mental health condition, addressing and treating that condition is crucial.

Find care with Rula

Compulsive lying can have significant negative impacts on both individuals and their relationships. Although compulsive lying is not recognized as a distinct mental health diagnosis, ongoing research aims to better understand its underlying causes and implications. In the meantime, there are practical steps you can take to manage your compulsive lying. This may include building a mindfulness practice, finding an accountability partner, or going to therapy.

Rula makes it easy to address common mental health concerns that lead to compulsive lying. With our therapist-matching platform, you can find someone who accepts your insurance and can support you through whatever you’re going through. Plus, our extensive network of therapists means you can meet with a provider via a secure online appointment as soon as this week.

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