Understanding the signs of compulsive cheating

Relationships are built on communication, attention, and trust. However, infidelity and cheating are common, both in married and unmarried relationships.

In some instances, couples may find themselves navigating infidelity numerous times. In fact, one 2017 study found that cheating once can increase the likelihood by three times of it happening again. 

Cheating that occurs more than once is known as serial, or compulsive, cheating.

What is compulsive cheating?

Some people refer to compulsive cheating as “compulsive cheating disorder.” Whether compulsive sexual behavior, including cheating, should be classified as an official condition has been a topic of debate for years. But compulsive cheating isn’t an official condition or diagnosis, it is instead a pattern of chronic infidelity. 

One of the main concerns with considering compulsive cheating an official condition is the difficulty in forming diagnostic guidelines. Studies often link compulsive cheating to impulsivity and high levels of sexual interest or behavior. Some people may also associate compulsive cheating with sexual addiction. 

Although these behaviors or traits have been associated with serial cheating, not everyone who experiences them will cheat. 

Compulsive cheating and narcissism

Studies have also focused on the co-occurrence of compulsive cheating and narcissism. This may be due to people with narcissism being less satisfied with their relationship, which is associated with a higher likelihood of engaging in infidelity.  

However, like with impulsivity and high levels of sexual interest, not all people with narcissism also compulsively cheat.

Seven signs of compulsive cheating

Serial cheating is most clearly defined by repeated infidelity, but this isn’t the only sign. 

The signs of a compulsive cheating can also include:

• Lack of guilt or remorse
• Impulsivity or rash decision-making
• Dishonesty
• Validation-seeking or justifying behaviors
• Fear of intimacy or commitment
• Emotional instability or mood swings
• Difficulty maintaining long-term relationships

Compulsive cheating isn’t a condition or mental health condition and every situation is unique. For example, one person with compulsive cheating tendencies may feel guilt and remorse, while another may not. 

Do people who repeatedly cheat ever fall in love? 

If you or someone you care about is in a relationship with someone who repeatedly cheats, then you may have several questions. You may wonder why someone who repeatedly cheats wants to stay married or if they can really fall in love. 

Remember that cheating is a behavior and not a diagnosis or condition. People who engage in this behavior are typically capable of forming genuine connections and love. However, their behavior patterns may indicate underlying issues that can have a negative impact on their relationships. 

Every person is different. As a result, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution for those in a relationship who are navigating compulsive lying and cheating. However, couples counseling and other forms of support can be helpful in addressing concerns and working toward a healthier dynamic.

While change is possible, it’s crucial to prioritize your well-being. If the relationship remains unhealthy despite efforts to address the issues, recognizing when it’s time to step away is important for your mental health.

Overcome compulsive cheating urges with treatment

Compulsive cheating can be a difficult behavior to change. For many with a history of serial cheating, the behaviors associated with compulsive cheating can be deeply ingrained into their day-to-day life.

However, with the right treatment, it’s possible to overcome compulsive cheating and foster healthy relationships built on trust and communication. 

Treatment, including cognitive behavioral therapy, can help people with compulsive cheating urges break harmful patterns and reconnect with loved ones. Here’s how: 

• Identifying root causes: Although compulsive cheating isn’t a formal condition, it can stem from a variety of causes, such as low self-esteem or unresolved trauma. Identifying these root causes is essential for overcoming urges.
• Building accountability: Having the right mindset when approaching treatment can have a monumental impact. Successful treatment involves accountability, honesty, and a willingness to participate in the treatment plan.
• Reflecting and connecting with others: Practicing self-awareness and reflection and building a healthy support network can be crucial for long-term success.

How to navigate a relationship with compulsive cheating

Compulsive cheating and lying can have a significant impact on a relationship, making it difficult to build trust and authentic connection. 

If you’re in a relationship where compulsive cheating is present, here are some key steps to protect yourself and your well-being: 

• Prioritize self-care and your mental health
• Understand the behavior
• Seek professional guidance
• Set boundaries
• Foster open communication
• Evaluate the relationship and if it can continue in a healthy manner
• Rebuild trust gradually

Find care with Rula

The foundation for any healthy relationship is trust and communication, and compulsive cheating can make it challenging to connect with the ones you love. If you or someone you know engages in compulsive cheating, consider meeting with a mental health professional.

Rula’s therapist-matching platform allows you to find a therapist designed to meet your needs, from specializing in whatever you’re dealing with to accepting your insurance. Rather than waiting weeks for support, you can connect with a therapist and schedule your first meeting as soon as tomorrow.

Find a therapist with Rula