Supporting children with ADHD and emotional dysregulation

Key Takeaways

Many kids have a hard time regulating their emotions. For kids who have ADHD, it can be even more challenging, since this condition can interfere with emotional regulation.
Emotional self-regulation strategies can help children manage their ADHD and the emotional instability that can come with it.
It’s a personal choice whether you use ADHD medications to help manage your child’s symptoms.

Ask any parent: Extreme emotional reactions are often just part of being a kid. For example, if a child is denied a second helping of dessert, they might fling themselves on the ground and scream. Or they might become overly excited before a playdate. But if this scene (or ones like it) happen frequently, your child could have attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

That’s because for people with ADHD, emotional dysregulation can be especially challenging. However, not all children (or adults) with ADHD have trouble regulating their emotions. One study found that 25% to 45% of children with ADHD experience emotional dysregulation. Other research puts the statistic as high as one in two children.

Managing emotional dysregulation in kids with ADHD

Parents can play a key role in helping their children with ADHD navigate their extreme emotions. Practicing healthy coping skills is one way to help rein in emotional dysregulation. If your kid regularly throws tantrums, summon your inner calm. Instead of reacting to their outbursts, first get your child’s attention in a non-emotional and non-judgmental way.

You’ll want to experiment with what works for your kid, but you can try:

Playing music that soothes your child
Waving your hands gently in front of their face
Offer a toy or a book they like
Gently calling their name while making eye contact (for older children)

Once your child is calm, the goal is to teach them to slow down and reflect on their behavior in these situations. Slowing down might mean that your kid counts to 10 before they react to a situation that upsets them. Or, if they’re old enough, you can help them ask questions, like: Why didn’t my actions help the situation? What can I do differently next time? These ideas can help your child learn to use self-reflective strategies to encourage regulation.

Let your child know that this practice isn’t a punishment, and you know they’re a good kid. Celebrating them when they successfully manage their emotions can go a long way. Children with ADHD often receive more negative feedback than kids without it because of their inattentive or hyperactive behaviors. Also, when someone receives praise for something, it usually makes them want to repeat that behavior.

It will likely take some tries to learn what works to interrupt and transform the emotional dysregulation cycle for your child. That’s natural. ADHD can be tough for both parents and children to navigate. But working together and remembering that ADHD (not your child) is causing difficulties can help.

ADHD meds and children: Do they mix?

If coping techniques aren’t enough, ADHD medications may help too. It’s important to remember that medications often work better when you combine them with therapy, like cognitive behavior therapy (CBT).

All ADHD medications increase the level of neurotransmitters (like dopamine, the “pleasure hormone”) in the brain. This can be helpful for children who struggle with controlling their emotions, as some ADHD drugs can reduce impulsive behavior. ADHD medications have also been shown to reduce irritability and anxiety in children with ADHD. But, depending on the specific medication and your child’s unique needs, research has found that medication can either help or worsen the turbulent emotions that children with ADHD may have.

Keep in mind that it can take some trial and error to find the right medication and dosage for your child. And it may be frustrating that you can’t predict whether a certain ADHD medication will be compatible with your child. But it’s worth seeking out a qualified health professional, like a pediatrician or a psychiatric provider, to see if medication is the right fit if your child’s ADHD symptoms are disrupting their life.

What does emotional dysregulation look like in children with ADHD?

As any parent can attest, every kid is different. Similarly, children with ADHD don’t behave identically. However, there are signs of emotional dysregulation in children with ADHD that you can look out for:

Excessive and rapidly shifting emotions
Poor executive functioning
Aggressive behavior
Severe outbursts
Chronic irritability
Defiance

These signs alone don’t mean that your child definitely has ADHD. It’s important to keep in mind that some of these signs can be developmentally appropriate, depending on a child’s age and the frequency of these behaviors. It can be a long process to get a diagnosis, but it’s usually best to contact your child’s pediatrician as a first step.

How emotional dysregulation can impact children and families

ADHD can affect both the child who has it and the people around them at home and school. This may be especially true when trouble regulating emotions is part of the package. Your kid might not understand why they can’t handle upsetting situations that other children can or why their emotional highs are so high. This can cause them to feel isolated because they don’t understand their own feelings and they may stand out at school.

Parents may feel like they’ve failed to parent “correctly” or like they can’t handle what their child’s ADHD throws at them on a day-to-day basis. It can be helpful for parents (and other people close to the child, like relatives and teachers) to understand how ADHD with emotional dysregulation plays out in the brain.

Simply put, ADHD impacts executive functioning, which can make emotional regulation more difficult. So when your child’s brain is flooded with emotions, they might not have the tools to handle it. Addressing emotional dysregulation in children with ADHD can help them live fuller and happier lives.

Find care with Rula

Supporting a child with ADHD who’s learning how to manage the emotional ups and downs of the condition can be challenging and isolating for parents. But know that you’re not alone, and you and your child can learn and practice healthy coping skills with the right support.

At Rula, our network of diverse providers can help you find a compatible therapist who treats ADHD in children. Psychiatric services for medication management are also available. Rula makes it easy to find a provider who takes your insurance and is available to meet with you as soon as tomorrow.

About the author

Siobhan Neela-Stock

Siobhan Neela-Stock is a writer and journalist who focuses on health, particularly mental health. She earned her master's in journalism from Northwestern University in 2018 and worked at Mashable for over two years where she focused on social good reporting. Her writing has appeared in the New York Times, SELF, Fortune, Verywell Health, among other publications. Neela-Stock also teaches writing and journalism at several universities. She enjoys traveling, dancing, playing dodgeball, and spending time with her loved ones.

Rula's editorial process

Rula's editorial team is on a mission to make science-backed mental health insights accessible and practical for every person seeking to better understand or improve mental wellness. Rula’s clinical leadership team and other expert providers contribute to all published content, offering guidance on themes and insights based on their firsthand experience in the field. Every piece of content is thoroughly reviewed by a clinician before publishing.