Supporting children with social anxiety disorder

Children, just like adults, have their own unique temperaments. Some kids are naturally more shy than others. They may prefer spending time with people they know, have a small group of friends, and get a little nervous when they’re the focus of attention. People of all ages can exhibit these tendencies and preferences, and it doesn’t mean that they have a mental health condition. 

However, there’s a difference between shyness and social anxiety. Social anxiety isn’t a personality trait. It’s a symptom of social anxiety disorder, a clinical condition that can impact a child’s life in significant ways. It might be more common than you think. Social anxiety disorder affects over 9% of youth aged 13–18 across the U.S., and recent data suggests that anxiety disorders in children are on the rise. 

If you’re concerned that your child may be living with anxiety, remember that it’s treatable and there are things you can do to support them. It starts with learning more about the signs and symptoms of social anxiety in children and where to turn for help.

Understanding social anxiety in children

If you’re the parent of a teen or adolescent, you may have noticed that as they’ve gotten older, they’ve started to pay more attention to what other people — especially their peers — think of them. This is a normal part of growing up and differentiating themselves from their parents. But this is different than living with social anxiety disorder. 

Kids who live with social anxiety experience self-consciousness so intense that it impacts their daily lives in serious ways. It might lead them to avoid social situations or group activities, keeping them from making friends and participating in their hobbies. Most kids want their friends or classmates to like and accept them. But young people with social anxiety are terrified of how others perceive them. 

Let’s explore some real-life examples of how social anxiety might show up for kids:

• During lunch, your child is afraid to walk into a crowded cafeteria, fearing all eyes will be on them. So they don’t eat and instead hide in the bathroom.
• Your child is having trouble grasping some math concepts and is falling behind in class. But they’re too afraid to raise their hand and ask their teacher for help.
• Whenever a book report is due, your child tells you they’re too sick to go to school. They’re extremely fearful of having to speak in front of the class.
• Your child is a talented singer and says they’d love to join the school musical. But they’re worried that other kids will laugh at them during the audition, so they stay home instead.

Causes

If you have concerns that your child might have social anxiety, you might be wondering what causes it. Mental health is complex, and there aren’t any easy answers. But research shows that social anxiety may be genetic, meaning that it tends to run in families. So if you have social anxiety or another form of anxiety, your child might be more likely to develop it, too. Social anxiety may have an environmental component as well. It can also stem from adverse childhood experiences, like having an overly strict parent or other forms of trauma.

Symptoms

Social anxiety disorder can affect people in many ways. Some of the most common symptoms of social anxiety disorder in children include:

• Refusing to go to school
• Physical symptoms like stomach aches or rapid heartbeat
• Sweating and shaking
• Anger, irritability, or tantrums (depending on the age of the child, see below)
• Blushing
• Preferring to spend time alone
• Always wanting a parent nearby
• Trouble making eye contact or speaking clearly

Social anxiety can manifest differently, depending on the age of your child. Young children who don’t yet have the verbal skills to express themselves might act out with anger, tantrums, or crying when they feel afraid. When children get older, they may begin to internalize their anxiety, making it harder to detect. This might lead to academic issues, social problems, or unhealthy coping behaviors.

Long-term effects

Research shows that left untreated, social anxiety in children can lead to mental health challenges like anxiety and depression later in life. Childhood social anxiety has also been shown to be a precursor to unhealthy substance use in adulthood.

But remember that anxiety is a highly treatable condition. You can prevent your child from experiencing these long-term effects with early intervention and ongoing support.

Three ways to help a child with social anxiety

If your child is struggling with social anxiety, research shows that parental  involvement in treatment greatly helps with symptom reduction. Consider these examples: 

1. Talk to your child about their fears. This might sound simple, but talking to your child is an important part of helping them navigate anxiety. As adults, we can make assumptions about what a child might be afraid of, but we won’t always get it right. It’s important to create a safe space for your child to talk about what’s worrying them.
2. Make sure your child knows what to expect. Sometimes, a fear of the unknown can make other anxieties worse. So, for example, let’s say your child is switching schools this year. Think about what you can do to help them with the transition and alleviate their worries. Perhaps you can attend a tour and meet their teachers ahead of time so they feel more comfortable on the first day of school.
3. Roleplay worrisome scenarios. As a parent, you might wish you could shield your child from uncomfortable situations. But this isn’t always possible, and it can sometimes make things worse. For example: Let’s say your teen wants to attend a special school trip, but they have to talk to their teacher to express an interest. They’re afraid to approach their teacher during class, so they ask you to send an email with the request instead. In that instance, you can offer to roleplay the conversation with them. Preparing what they’ll say ahead of time can give them a confidence boost. 

Seeking treatment for social anxiety disorder in children

Treatment for social anxiety disorder in children starts with an evaluation. A mental health professional will meet with you and your child to conduct an assessment to ensure an accurate diagnosis. 

From there, your child’s treatment plan will likely include elements of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT is one of the most widely used treatments for social anxiety disorder. Through CBT, kids learn to regulate their emotions and develop coping strategies for managing stress and other uncomfortable emotions. 

Sometimes, medication is also used in addition to therapy for managing social anxiety in children. Talk to your child’s providers about whether that option is right for them.

Find care with Rula

There’s nothing wrong with being a naturally shy kid. But if your child’s anxiety is affecting their ability to learn, make friends, or do activities they might enjoy, know that help is available. 

With Rula, you can connect with a therapist who specializes in treating anxiety in children in just a few clicks. Our therapist-matching program makes it easy to sort through your options and find a provider who takes your insurance. 

Plus, thanks to our extensive network, you won’t wait weeks or months for your child’s first appointment. You can start the process today and ensure your child starts receiving the mental health support they need as soon as tomorrow.

Find a therapist with Rula