How to deal with being ghosted by someone with bipolar disorder

If someone you love has bipolar disorder, it may seem like they distance themselves from you at certain times. Sometimes, they may even stop communicating with you altogether, which is known as ghosting.

This experience can be hurtful and frustrating. Understanding more about the features of bipolar disorder that can lead to ghosting may help you foster compassion — both for yourself and your loved one.

Why do people with bipolar disorder push loved ones away?

Ghosting is a behavior that many people engage in for different reasons; it’s not specific to those with bipolar disorder. Further, bipolar ghosting isn’t just about being hot and cold in relationships. Many people are hot and cold in relationships for various reasons, and this isn’t a sign of bipolar disorder. 

Bipolar disorder is a serious mental health condition characterized by mood swings between severe highs and lows. While there’s little to no research-based evidence that people with bipolar disorder are more likely to ghost loved ones, many anecdotal reports seem to suggest that this is a common experience.

If someone with bipolar disorder has ghosted you, don’t assume it’s because of something related to their condition. But there are some ways that bipolar disorder could directly or indirectly lead someone to cut off communication.

Shame and stigma

On online forums, many people with bipolar disorder report pushing loved ones away because of a fear that they’ll be rejected or abandoned due to their diagnosis. While we’ve come a long way in terms of mental health awareness, bipolar disorder is one condition that continues to carry a high level of stigma.

Your loved one with bipolar disorder may feel tempted to ghost you after they’ve revealed their diagnosis. For some, this could be because they’re afraid you’ll now see them differently or reject them because of the stigma.

In addition, some people with bipolar disorder may have internalized stigma and shame about living with this condition. For example, they may feel like they aren’t able to be a good partner because of their bipolar symptoms, even though many people with bipolar disorder are able to maintain healthy relationships.

Anhedonia and depression

Most people with bipolar I disorder experience depressive episodes, though not everyone. Everyone with bipolar II disorder cycles through depressive episodes. These episodes look very similar to what people with depression go through. During depressive episodes, people with bipolar disorder may experience something called anhedonia, which is the inability to feel pleasure or joy. Depression can also cause fatigue and sap people’s energy.

Because of this, people with bipolar disorder may unintentionally ghost you while they’re in a depressive episode simply because they don’t have the energy or motivation to reach out. Even keeping up with simple daily living tasks, like basic hygiene, can feel overwhelming for someone in a deep depressive episode. 

Losing manic impulsivity

If someone has ghosted you after only a short time of knowing each other, it could be related to a manic or hypomanic episode they were experiencing during that time. Mania or hypomania can lead to reckless and impulsive behaviors, including engaging in new relationships or reckless sex.

People with bipolar disorder who are experiencing mania often feel like they’re on top of the world and can be very social and dynamic. They may attract new partners — especially sexual partners — during these episodes, only to realize they’re not actually interested when their mood comes crashing down. For various reasons, they may not want to explain their diagnosis, which can lead to ghosting for some people.

Manic busyness

People in manic or hypomanic episodes also tend to take on more hobbies and projects. Someone with bipolar disorder who’s experiencing mania may suddenly join new clubs, start new activities, or even take on additional jobs or coursework. 

This is usually related to the euphoria, heightened energy, and sense of invincibility that manic episodes can bring. So it’s possible that they may be ghosting you unintentionally simply because they’re so busy doing other things.

Psychosis

Research shows that over half of people who live with bipolar disorder also develop symptoms of psychosis at some point in their lives. Psychosis is a mental health symptom that causes you to believe or sense (see, hear, smell, etc.) things that aren’t based in reality. 

If your loved one with bipolar disorder is experiencing psychosis, they may ghost you due to fears and concerns about you that aren’t actually true. For example, someone with bipolar disorder and psychosis may start to believe you’re out to harm them in some way.

How long will your friend with bipolar disorder avoid you?

There’s no way to tell what the outcome of bipolar ghosting will be or when your loved one will stop avoiding you. It’s entirely possible that your friend with bipolar disorder will resume communication with you, especially if they’ve ghosted you due to a manic or depressive episode and they start to manage their symptoms.

Manic episodes last for at least a week, and hypomanic episodes last for at least two days. Both types of mania can go on for weeks. Depressive episodes can last months, or even years. But remember: It’s also possible that your loved one’s behavior has nothing to do with their bipolar diagnosis.

Three things to do when someone with bipolar disorder is ghosting you

If someone with bipolar disorder is ghosting you, you may be feeling a mix of emotions, including anger, frustration, grief, and empathy. What to do is up to you, but here are some tips that may help.

1. Decide if you want to continue the relationship

One of the most important first steps to take is to decide if you desire to continue a relationship with the person who’s ghosted you — especially if they come back. This decision is entirely up to you, and every relationship is different. You can have empathy for someone’s mental health challenges while also choosing to stick to your personal boundaries that protect your own well-being.

Choosing not to continue your relationship with someone who has bipolar disorder can cause feelings of distress, guilt, and shame. It’s important to get your own mental health support during this time so that you can manage these feelings in healthy ways.

2. Set guidelines and boundaries

It may help to set certain guidelines for both of you to follow when your loved one is tempted to ghost you due to their bipolar disorder symptoms. For example, rather than ghosting you completely, is it possible for them to send you a text that they’ll be unavailable until their mood improves? Is there a code word you can use that signifies that your loved one won’t have the energy to respond to you for several weeks?

It’s OK to have limits and boundaries with someone who has bipolar disorder. By making a plan for difficult times, you can give them space to manage their mood while also preventing a complete lack of communication in the relationship.

3. Encourage them to get treatment

If someone is ghosting you during a manic or depressive episode, it’s very likely that they need professional treatment. Social support is one of the most important factors in living with bipolar disorder and managing symptoms. While it can be tempting to isolate — especially during depressive episodes — your loved one needs a supportive community around them.

Even if they don’t wish to speak with you, try to encourage them to contact their treatment provider if they already have one. If your friend or loved one isn’t in treatment, it may be helpful to support them with the more tedious tasks of looking for a therapist, like calling their insurance provider.

Find care with Rula

Whether it’s your loved one or friend who has bipolar disorder or you live with it yourself, ghosting can be a frustrating experience that can get in the way of healthy relationships. Rula offers both individual and couples therapy for people affected by bipolar disorder. With support, you can develop happy and satisfying relationships regardless of your diagnosis.

Get started with Rula today