How to navigate feeling awkward and embrace being yourself

Most of us know what it feels like to feel “awkward.” You might feel awkward only during some occasions, like on a first date or when you’re in an unfamiliar environment. But for some people, this sense of awkwardness — self-consciousness, shyness, or discomfort — is more consistent. A persistent sense of awkwardness might prevent you from engaging in social events or impact your sense of self-worth. 

The good news is there are many ways to start feeling less awkward and more confident in your own skin. Working with a therapist can help. 

Why do I feel so awkward?

When people describe feeling awkward, they usually mean they feel shy or uncomfortable. Feeling awkward can be a result of many different things. It may be due to the situation or an element of your personality. 

Most of us have felt awkward at some point in our lives. It doesn’t mean that anything is “wrong” with you, and it doesn’t necessarily reflect any deeper problem. However, for some people, it can be related to neurodivergence or social anxiety. 

Some common reasons people tend to feel awkward include:

• Shy personality: Some people are just shy. Being shy or timid can cause you to feel awkward around groups of people — especially if there are people that you’ve never met before or don’t feel comfortable with.
• Fear of judgment: If you’re worried about what other people think of you, it can make social situations feel uncomfortable and tense. You might overanalyze everything you say and do and be scared that others will judge or criticize you.
• Lack of social skills: If you haven’t had much experience with certain types of social interactions, or if socializing doesn’t come naturally to you, it can make conversations feel awkward and forced. You might struggle with knowing what to say, how to keep a conversation going, or how to read the room.
• Unfamiliar environments: It’s natural to feel awkward in unfamiliar environments. Being in a setting you’re not used to — like a new job, a different social group, or an event where you don’t know anyone — can make you feel out of place and self-conscious.
• Lack of confidence in certain settings: You might feel comfortable and natural in some situations but awkward in others. For example, you might feel at ease chatting with close friends but feel awkward with small talk at job-related events.
• Social anxiety disorder: Social anxiety disorder is a mental health condition characterized by excessive worry about how people are perceiving you. This can make you feel awkward and uncomfortable. Research shows that people with social anxiety are more likely to perceive themselves as “awkward” or making social blunders, even when they haven’t.
• Autism: Many autistic people say they feel awkward in certain social situations — especially situations held to a neurotypical standard. If you’re autistic, you might feel like you have a hard time reading social cues or relating to others. It can also feel like neurotypical people are constantly misunderstanding you, which can make you feel even more awkward.
• Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD): Many people with ADHD, another form of neurodivergence, also experience social awkwardness. This is often because of difficulties with impulsivity, interrupting, or missing certain social cues. You might have a hard time staying focused during conversations. You might also worry that you’re talking too much or too little, or say things that don’t quite land the way you intended.

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Six ways to overcome awkwardness

While you might not be able to avoid feeling awkward forever, there are many ways to reduce its impact on your life. Here are some strategies you can practice to feel more comfortable and natural. 

Get practice

Whether you’re shy or experience social anxiety disorder, it can be tempting to avoid social situations that make you feel awkward. But avoiding these triggers can actually keep you stuck in a cycle — especially if you live with social anxiety. It’s important to challenge yourself and confront social situations, even when they’re scary. This will give you opportunities to both practice your skills as well as prove to yourself that these situations aren’t actually as scary as you feared. Practicing social skills and finding confidence in this can be especially helpful for those feeling awkward because of neurodivergent thinking. 

It’s a good idea to start small. For example, instead of starting by going to a party where you don’t know anyone, could you just have coffee with a close acquaintance and try to get through it even when you start to feel a little bit awkward? The more you practice, the more confident you’ll feel in these situations.

Challenge negative thoughts

If you experience negative self-talk when you’re in social situations or worry about what others are thinking of you, try to reframe these thoughts to be more helpful. For example, you may live with social anxiety disorder and think, “I’m being so awkward. Everyone thinks I’m weird, and no one likes being around me.”

This thought is falling into a trap of mind reading, which is when you assume that you know what other people are thinking. Try correcting this trap and reframing the thought to something like, “They could be thinking I’m weird, but there’s no way to know for sure. All I can do is try to be myself.”

Be mindful

You can also try practicing mindfulness and paying closer attention to what exactly triggers your feelings of awkwardness. For example, is it being in bigger group settings when the thought enters your mind, “Everyone is looking at me,” or when you try to make a joke and nobody laughs? Once you start noticing your triggers, you can make a plan to manage them in the future.

Practice relaxation strategies

If it’s anxiety that’s causing you to feel awkward, it can be a good idea to learn how to calm your nervous system. Several evidence-based relaxation techniques have been shown to work. 

For example, you can try a deep-breathing technique, in which you breathe slowly into your diaphragm until you start feeling calmer. Research shows these relaxation strategies help reduce feelings of anxiety, which could help you feel less awkward in social settings.

Let it go

When you feel like you’ve been awkward in a social or work situation, it can be easy to fixate on it for days or even weeks afterward. But judging yourself for your personality or the way you behave won’t make you feel any better.

Even if you were awkward, try to let it go and move on. It can help to laugh at yourself, let go of perfectionistic thinking, and remember that no one is perfect. 

Embrace it

You can also try to practice self-compassion and learn how to embrace your awkwardness. There’s no need to try to be someone you’re not. If you have a shy and awkward personality, that’s perfectly OK. 

It may help you to find a group of people who have similar personality styles or who simply love and accept you for the way you are. The important thing is to feel confident and comfortable. If feeling or being awkward doesn’t bother you, it’s not something you need to change.

Addressing awkwardness in therapy

If you feel socially awkward, then the thought of going to therapy may be intimidating.You might worry that you’ll feel awkward in therapy as well. 

But therapy can be a powerful experience for people who constantly feel awkward and want to improve their confidence. Therapy provides a safe space where you won’t be judged. It can provide a place where you can be your authentic self without worrying about how others perceive you. You can learn to love and accept yourself as you are. Over time, this can help you feel more confident in everyday interactions.

Whether awkwardness is part of your personality or a symptom of an underlying mental health condition, certain therapy methods may be effective for you: 

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT helps identify and challenge negative thought patterns that contribute to self-consciousness and social anxiety.
• Exposure therapy: This type of therapy gradually introduces social situations in a controlled way to build confidence and reduce fear. This type of therapy has been shown to be effective for social anxiety disorder.
• Mindfulness-based therapy: Mindfulness-based therapy teaches techniques to stay present in the moment instead of overanalyzing interactions or worrying about how you’re perceived.
• Social skills training: This type of therapy provides structured guidance on conversational skills, body language, and other social cues to help improve communication and connection with others.

Find care with Rula

Feeling awkward isn’t necessarily a negative thing. But if awkwardness is getting in the way of you feeling comfortable and confident in your own skin, then you may benefit from professional support. Therapy can provide you a nonjudgmental space where you can learn to practice self-compassion. It can also help address any underlying mental health factors, including social anxiety.

At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best. 

Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we’re here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.

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