Why autism feels lonely — and how to build connection

Loneliness is a subjective experience that occurs when a person’s desire for connection and companionship are unmet. For example, spending the holidays by yourself might make you feel lonely if you usually celebrate with family and friends. These temporary episodes of loneliness are common and not necessarily cause for concern. 

However, long-term loneliness can negatively affect your mental health and well-being. While anyone can experience loneliness, research shows that it may be more common among people with autism. A recent study found that autistic people may be up to four times more likely to experience loneliness than the general population. 

Why might autistic people feel lonely?

We all have different needs for connection, and loneliness isn’t a universal experience. What makes one person feel lonely might not affect other people the same way, and that’s OK. 

But there are a few reasons why autistic people may be more likely to feel lonely, including:

• Social communication challenges: Autism can affect a person’s ability to pick up on social cues and express themselves. This can make it more difficult to communicate with others. 
• A lack of social acceptance: People with autism may say that they struggle to “fit in” in social environments. While the world is becoming more accepting of neurodivergent people, autism is unfortunately still stigmatized in some settings.
• Sensory overload: Unwelcoming sensory environments (like places with bright lights, loud sounds, or strong smells) can be overwhelming for people with autism. This heightened stress may lead to social withdrawal and can make connecting with others more difficult.
• Fear of rejection: If a person with autism has had negative social experiences (like being mocked, bullied, or excluded) due to their neurodiversity, they may worry about it happening again. So, in response, they may be hesitant to engage socially as a way of protecting themselves.

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How does isolation affect people with autism?

Preferring to spend time alone isn’t the same as feeling isolated or lonely. For example, you might crave solitude after a long day, and there’s nothing wrong with needing some alone time to recharge your social batteries. You might also simply enjoy doing certain activities by yourself, and this can be especially important for people with autism.

However, persistent and distressing feelings of loneliness can take a toll on a person’s mental health and well-being. For autistic people, research shows that unwanted isolation can increase the risk of:

• Anxiety 
• Depression 
• Suicidal ideation*
• Feelings of helplessness
• Low self-esteem
• Employment difficulties
• Increased sensory challenges

It also appears that loneliness can make existing mental health conditions worse. And, at the same time, having a mental health condition may increase your risk of loneliness. But fortunately, there are effective strategies that can help people living with autism build the meaningful relationships they deserve.  

*A note on safety: If you’re having thoughts of harming yourself, don’t hesitate to ask for help. You can contact the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988 from any phone. Their counselors will provide confidential support and resources to help keep you safe.

How can autistic people deal with loneliness?

If you have autism and are experiencing loneliness, there are some things you can do to feel more connected to others. 

• Join a social skills group. Today, there are many opportunities for people with autism to practice social skills in supportive settings. There are groups you can join either in person or online in which you can hone social skills like starting conversations, giving feedback, and introducing yourself to new people.
• Try volunteering. Volunteering with an organization whose mission you support can be a great way to meet like-minded people. It can also be a way to give back and feel more connected to your community.
• Leverage technology. If face-to-face communication feels intimidating, it might be helpful to build relationships online. This could include joining online communities that reflect your interests, gaming with other people, or chatting on social media. Just be mindful of any digital spaces or platforms that feel unsafe or disrespectful.
• Make time for hobbies you enjoy. If you’re craving companionship, you might be hesitant to do certain activities alone. But doing things you enjoy, even by yourself, can be a satisfying experience. For example, taking a yoga class or preparing a healthy meal can be enjoyable and rewarding.
• Ask for help. While autism isn’t something that needs to be treated, sometimes it can be helpful to work with a therapist who specializes in supporting neurodivergent people. Therapy can provide a safe space to process your feelings, practice social skills, increase resilience, and learn new coping strategies.

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Most people feel lonely sometimes. It tends to happen when we feel isolated and disconnected from other people. However, research shows that loneliness may be more common among people with autism. Ongoing, distressing loneliness can negatively impact a person’s mental health and well-being. But fortunately, there are effective supports that can help autistic people hone their social skills, increase their sense of connection, and feel less alone.

If you’re experiencing loneliness or need support for another issue, talking to a therapist can help. And thanks to Rula, it’s easier than ever to find the right provider for your needs. You can use our therapist-matching program to sort through our network of over 10,000 providers, find a therapist who takes your insurance, and schedule your first live video session for as soon as tomorrow.

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