What do attachment disorders look like in adults?

Human beings are hardwired for attachment. And as children, it’s necessary for our survival. We rely on our caregivers to help us feel safe and build the confidence to go out and explore the world. But when a child is unable to form secure emotional bonds with their caregivers, they’re at risk for developing an attachment disorder. 

These conditions are typically identified during childhood, and symptoms may improve as a child gets older. However, without support, attachment disorders can affect functioning into adulthood — especially when it comes to relationships.

Signs of attachment issues in adults

There are two different types of attachment disorders: reactive attachment disorder (RAD) and disinhibited social engagement disorder (DSED). RAD is when children have difficulty forming loving connections with parents or other caregivers. It’s believed to be caused by an insecure bond to a primary attachment figure at a young due age due to abuse or neglect. 

DSED, on the other hand, is when children are overly affectionate with unfamiliar adults. It’s thought to stem from emotional neglect, frequent changes in caregivers, and/or institutionalization (like living in a group home, orphanage, or foster care). 

While RAD and DSED arise in childhood, they can affect people into adulthood. Some of the signs of attachment issues in adults include:

• Lack of wariness of strangers
• Excessive oversharing
• Being overly willing to disclose personal information
• Emotional coldness
• Difficulty forming close relationships
• Isolation or social avoidance
• Difficulty trusting others
• Emotional dysregulation
• Living with co-occurring mental health conditions

What causes attachment difficulties in adults?

When a person experiences attachment difficulties in adulthood, it’s likely due to negative early childhood experiences. The effects of abuse and neglect from a primary caregiver can remain with people throughout their lives. They can affect how a child, and later, an adult, sees themselves and relates to others. Without support, these experiences can make it difficult to trust people, have healthy self-esteem, and form close bonds with other people. 

How do attachment disorders affect adult relationships?

Your earliest connections with your primary caregivers, in many ways, shape your future relationships. So if you didn’t have a secure attachment with your caregiver(s) during childhood, it can take a toll on your adult relationships due to:

• Constantly worrying about being abandoned
• A need for constant reassurance
• Hyperfixating on relationships in general
• Always wanting to be physically near your partner
• Avoiding emotional intimacy 
• Withdrawing or shutting down in stressful conversations or situations
• Suppressing emotions
• Mood swings
• Limited capacity for navigating stressful life events (like having a child or moving)
• An inability to trust others

As you might imagine, these behaviors can make it difficult to develop healthy, secure dynamics with loved ones. But the good news is that attachment issues aren’t set in stone. With the right support, you can heal your attachment wounds and learn to form close, loving connections. 

Overcoming attachment trauma in adulthood

Therapy is one of the most effective tools for overcoming attachment trauma in adulthood. As a corrective experience, it can help you:

• Identify and address any unhelpful thoughts, emotions, or behaviors you’ve been amplifying or avoiding due to negative childhood experiences with caregivers
• Replace those unhelpful thoughts, emotions, or behaviors with more functional alternatives
• Explore how your attachment difficulties are affecting your adult relationships and learn skills to improve them
• Establish a trusting relationship with your therapist to serve as a model for secure attachment
• Expand your coping strategies and enhance your ability to manage stress
• Increase your self-esteem, communication skills, and confidence in relationships 

Over time, attachment-focused therapy can help you see your attachment challenges for what they are: necessary defense mechanisms you developed early in life. While your reactions might not be serving you now, it’s not your fault that you’ve had these experiences. As a child, you did whatever you thought would keep you safe when you couldn’t rely on your caregivers. 

Now, as an adult, you can work to change your mindset, behaviors, and how you relate to other people. In addition to attending therapy, learning to self-soothe when your attachment wounds flare up can be an invaluable skill. This might include self-care activities, like deep breathing, mindfulness meditation, or gentle movement. Making time each day to nurture your physical and mental well-being can help you form a secure attachment with yourself and others.     

Find care with Rula

Our childhood experiences shape our lives in many ways. When children have secure bonds with their caregivers, they feel safe and encouraged to explore the world. But the reverse is also true. Having an insecure attachment with caregivers can make it difficult to trust others, open up, and form healthy relationships later in life. Fortunately, if you’re struggling with attachment concerns as an adult, you’re not alone, and help is available. 

At Rula, we make it easy to connect with attachment-focused providers. When you need support, head over to our therapist-matching program to take the first step. You can sift through our network of over 10,000 providers, select a therapist that takes your insurance, and schedule your first live video appointment for as soon as tomorrow.

Find a therapist with Rula