Anorexia’s influence on personal relationships and how to help

Each relationship is different, but most people will agree that healthy relationships involve honesty, trust, and respect. People in healthy relationships feel comfortable being vulnerable, discussing their problems, and offering advice. But for some people, there are certain situations and circumstances that affect their ability to build healthy connections with others. 

One example is having an eating disorder like anorexia nervosa. People living with anorexia have an intense fear of gaining weight and take restrictive measures to keep their weight as low as possible. 

Unfortunately, these symptoms can lead to shame, secrecy, and low self-esteem — all of which can impact interpersonal relationships and may contribute to social avoidance.

Six tips for supporting a loved one who has anorexia

Anorexia has the highest death rate of any mental health condition and has been proven to cause serious mental and physical health complications. The good news is that recovery is possible with access to treatment, and support from loved ones can play a critical role too. 

Helping someone with anorexia isn’t always easy, but here are six tips to help them manage their recovery and maintain your own well-being. 

1. Do your research. Anorexia is a complex condition, and each person’s case is different. Take some time to learn about symptoms, causes, and treatment options so that you can better understand your loved one and how to support them during difficult moments.

2. Don’t be the food police. It’s not easy to watch your loved one struggle with anorexia, but be mindful of how you share your concern. Mealtimes can be extremely stressful, so try to show empathy and understanding instead of commenting on their food choices. Use the time to enjoy each other’s company rather than focusing on the problem.

3. Do prioritize emotional connection. If your loved one is uncomfortable with intimacy, find small ways to encourage emotional closeness. This can include shared activities (like taking a walk), open conversations (like asking about their day), and gestures of kindness (like lending them a book).

4. Don’t comment on their appearance. When speaking to someone with an eating disorder, it’s best to avoid commenting on their weight or food habits. If you want to say something nice, choose compliments that don’t involve their physical appearance.

5. Do encourage professional support. Recovering from anorexia typically requires a collaborative approach to care, with therapy being one of the most effective treatments for managing the condition. Family therapy can also be helpful for showing people how to communicate, manage conflict, and navigate the healing process together.   

6. Don’t forget to take care of yourself. Eventually, your loved one’s eating disorder may affect your own well-being. Find ways to prioritize your mental and physical health, such as practicing regular self-care and connecting with others. Some people even join a support group to meet other families going through something similar.

Anorexia and romantic relationships

Having an eating disorder like anorexia can be all-consuming. People with anorexia have an intense fear of gaining weight, causing them to severely limit their food, eat small quantities of only certain foods, or avoid food altogether. And when you’re so focused on body image and weight, you may have limited interest or energy left for romantic relationships.

For people with anorexia, low self-esteem and body-image concerns can be a major barrier to forming romantic connections. You may feel nervous about sharing food or drinks with other people and avoid situations where you’ll be pressured to eat. People living with anorexia may struggle with anxiety about their appearance, have trouble being vulnerable, or feel unworthy of their partner. 

Here are some additional ways that anorexia can impact your relationship:

• Communication: Some research suggests that anorexia is associated with alexithymia, meaning an inability to identify and describe your emotions. When people struggle to effectively communicate their authentic thoughts and feelings, it can affect their ability to connect with their partners. 

• Intimacy: Physical and emotional intimacy doesn’t always come easy for people with anorexia. The condition can cause physical health issues that affect sexual desire, including fatigue, lower libido, and hormonal imbalances. Secretive or compulsive food behaviors can create emotional barriers that prevent connection and intimacy. 

• Trust: Living with anorexia means you exercise extreme control over your body and environment, which isn’t always conducive to trust. Someone with anorexia may not trust that their partner will respect their boundaries. Conversely, their difficulty with opening up to their partner may create distance and trust issues.  

• Lifestyle: If you avoid all social events involving food or make last-minute cancellations due to body image issues, it can place extra strain on your partner. They may feel responsible for making excuses or attending social events on your behalf. 

Can anorexia affect your ability to make friends?

People with anorexia sometimes struggle to build and maintain meaningful interpersonal relationships. One study found that just 17% of people with anorexia reported positive friendships, compared to 82% of people without the condition. 

Some of the leading reasons included self-criticism, social comparison, and feeling misunderstood. For example, it can be difficult to connect with friends when you’re concerned about being judged or having to justify your behaviors. 

But while anorexia does impact people’s relationships, it’s worth noting that social concerns aren’t always a direct result of the condition. Some research has found that people with anorexia are more likely than those without the condition to report fewer childhood friends, less social support, and limited social activities even before the start of their condition. 

How does anorexia affect family and friends?

Your loved ones may feel protective or responsible for your well-being, which can create additional stress and imbalances within your relationships. This can be especially true for parents of adolescents with anorexia, since they tend to experience high levels of burden, emotional distress, and grief.

Other ways that anorexia can affect a person’s family and friends include: 

• Guilt for not recognizing the signs and symptoms earlier
• Concerns that the relationship will never be the same
• Fear that you won’t get the care you need
• Ongoing conflicts about food 
• Increased social isolation
• Financial strain 

Find care with Rula

If you or someone you care about has anorexia and either of you need support, consider making an appointment with a qualified mental health professional.

At Rula, we can connect you with a therapist who accepts your insurance and is accepting new patients so you can get the support you need. With Rula’s easy-to-use therapist-matching program, you can find the right provider in less than 30 seconds. Our extensive network of therapists means you can begin treatment as soon as tomorrow from the comfort of home, using our convenient online platform. 

And if medication management is part of your treatment plan, we can connect you with a psychiatric provider to find the right solution for you. 

Get started with Rula today