Anger management: Seven coping skills for dealing with anger in a healthy way

Everyone gets angry from time to time. It’s normal. In fact, anger is an instinctive response to scary or upsetting situations, like feeling attacked, disrespected, or frustrated. This means that it serves a purpose and can act as an alarm bell to tell you that you’re in a potentially unsafe situation. 

That said, there’s a big difference between experiencing anger and having anger issues. If you’re having difficulty controlling how you express anger, you may benefit from learning about anger management and healthier ways to process your emotions.

What is anger management?

Although anger is a normal human emotion, it can become a problem when you start expressing your anger agressively. That’s where anger management can help. 

The goal of anger management is to teach people the tools and techniques to recognize and manage their anger in healthier ways. It’s valid to feel angry, and you don’t need to suppress your feelings. Anger management can help you respond to your anger in healthy ways rather than destructive ones.

For example, let’s say you order from your favorite restaurant and the food shows up an hour late. Before you take your aggression out on the restaurant, take a few minutes to collect your thoughts. Consider if your anger is about the food or something else. When you do call, calmly explain the situation from your perspective and avoid threatening language, like “I’ll never order from here again.” Taking a constructive approach can help you examine the real root of your anger and help ensure a better experience next time you order.  

Anger management coping skills

If you’re struggling with aggression or think you’d benefit from learning how to stay calm during tense situations, learn how these seven anger management skills may be effective for you.

1. Consider the root of your rage

Do you feel like you’re always getting angry about something? If so, perhaps there’s something deeper behind that reaction. For example, some people don’t feel comfortable showing vulnerability or embarrassment, so they resort to anger instead. Anger can also be learned behavior, like from growing up in a household that normalized violence or other aggressive behavior.

2. Identify your warning signs

You may have started to notice warning signs that occur right before you get upset. For example, maybe you clench your jaw, tense your shoulders, or feel the need to pace the room. By learning to recognize signs of anger, you may be better prepared to take a step back before responding to the situation. 

3. Think before you speak 

If you’re quick to anger, you may also be quick to speak your mind. While honesty is important, speaking your mind isn’t always the best when a situation is getting heated. When you’re angry, you’re more likely to communicate in a way that’s ineffective and makes the situation worse. Next time you find yourself growing angry, take a few minutes to collect your thoughts before responding or continuing the conversation. This will help you respond in a clear and non-confrontational way.

4. Consider your communication style 

Another anger management skill is learning how to reframe the way you communicate. For example, consider eliminating extreme language, like “always” and “never,” when discussing a problem or concern with someone. It’s also useful to focus on “I” statements when communicating how you feel about a certain situation. For example, “I feel upset when you yell at me” is more effective than “You always yell at me.”

5. Practice relaxation techniques

If you’ve noticed that you have a physical reaction to anger, like clenching your fists, consider using relaxation techniques to help you release some tension. Meditation, deep breathing, and visualization are practices that you can do from anywhere (even in a parking lot or at your desk). 

6. Build healthy habits 

It’s hard to have a positive attitude when you don’t feel your best, so consider how you can work on forming healthy habits. This includes getting enough sleep, doing moderate physical activity, eating a balanced diet, and limiting caffeine and alcohol. And keep in mind that some people are more likely to behave aggressively when they’re intoxicated, so it might be best to avoid substances altogether. 

7. Connect with others

If you’re struggling to manage feelings of anger, try connecting with others who feel the same way. Consider group therapy or an anger management support group so that you can share your experiences and learn from others going through something similar.

What causes anger?

There are many reasons that you might feel angry. Maybe traffic doubled your morning commute, your goals at work seem unfair and unachievable, or you’re struggling to communicate with a partner or friend. Grief can also be a cause of anger, so you may feel angry when you try to process the loss of a loved one.  

Anger can be a healthy outlet for identifying problems or inspiring behavior change. But too much anger, or anger directed toward the wrong person, can have negative effects on your mental and physical health. Anger affects people in different ways, but some people may:

• Have a rapid heart rate 
• Have increased blood pressure
• Breath irregularly 
• Have digestive issues
• Have trouble sleeping
• Experience muscle tightness
• Feel irritable
• Have feelings of anxiety
• Feel guilt
• Get frustrated 
• Feel overwhelmed 
• Have trouble concentrating

Signs that your anger is becoming a problem 

So how do you know if your anger is unhealthy or aggressive? Here are some common signs of anger issues: 

• You’re often angry.
• Your anger feels out of control.
• Your anger impacts your relationships.
• Your anger negatively affects other people. 
• You feel like you can’t control your anger.
• Your anger makes you emotionally or physically abusive. 
• Your anger has a negative impact on your overall mental and physical health.

When to seek professional help 

If you continue to struggle to manage your anger or feel overwhelmed by feelings of shame and guilt related to your aggression, consider speaking with a mental health professional. Anger is often a sign of mood disorders, substance use disorders, and other mental health conditions. For example, anger is one of the main symptoms of conditions like bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, and oppositional defiant disorder.

Find support for anger issues with Rula

Anger can affect your relationships, work performance, and overall quality of life. If anger is having a negative impact on your overall mental and physical health, it may be time to seek professional support. And Rula is here to help.

Rula makes it easy to find a licensed behavioral therapist who’s in network with your insurance, accepting new clients, and an expert in addressing your unique needs. 

Whether it’s discovering healthy ways to express your anger or treating an associated mental health condition, Rula’s network of more than 10,000 licensed therapists means you can get help from the comfort of your home as soon as tomorrow.  

Find a therapist with Rula