Navigating common ADHD challenges in relationships

Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a mental health condition that affects people’s ability to pay attention, control their impulses, and manage their emotions. Although ADHD is commonly associated with children, it’s also prevalent among adults. In fact, research suggests that approximately 8.7 million adults in the U.S. have ADHD.

Adults with unmanaged ADHD often struggle with communication, time management, and motivation. This can make it difficult to maintain healthy and stable relationships. If you or your partner have been diagnosed with ADHD, here are some helpful insights for creating and maintaining a healthy, satisfying relationship.

Six relationship tips for people with ADHD 

ADHD can impact many areas of your life, including the way you interact and connect with other people. Forgetfulness and impulsiveness are common ADHD traits, both of which can negatively impact relationships. 

But it’s also important to note that ADHD can sometimes bring positive aspects to a relationship. For example, many people with ADHD are considered resourceful and resilient, which can be helpful for navigating problems. And an open-minded and creative outlook can help keep your relationships fun and interesting. 

A survey of 400 people in a serious relationship with someone with ADHD found that most people regarded their partners as creative, kind, energetic, and spontaneous. 

Here are six practical tips for improving communication, understanding, and overall relationship satisfaction if ADHD is a part of your relationship.  

1. Learn more about ADHD. Whether you’re familiar with ADHD or just starting to explore it, learning more about ADHD can strengthen your relationships with yourself and others. You may discover that certain thought and behavior patterns, like impulsiveness or emotional dysregulation, are directly linked to specific ADHD symptoms and rooted in brain chemistry. It’s also a chance to discover specific triggers and strategies to manage symptoms. 

2. Hone your communication skills. People living with ADHD often have trouble expressing their thoughts and emotions. When communicating with your partner, try to be as clear and concise as possible by focusing on what is most related to the topic at hand. Another idea is to create set times for discussing important topics. This can help reduce the chances of distracted conversations, impulsive reactions, and big emotions. 

3. Prioritize self-care. It’s difficult to be a great partner when you don’t feel great yourself. To help you feel your best, find ways to prioritize your mental, physical, and emotional needs. Self-care looks different for everyone but can include mindfulness exercises, gratitude journaling, consistent exercise, or a morning cup of tea. These acts may seem simple, but they can lay the foundation for managing stress, increasing energy, and allowing you to more fully connect with others. 

4. Focus on your strengths. Research shows that people with ADHD tend to have lower self-esteem than people without ADHD or another form of neurodivergence. Next time you’re feeling down, make a point to focus on your strengths and contributions. For example, let’s say you feel guilty because you forgot your partner’s birthday. If you know that you’re a skilled artist, make a point to create something really special (even if it’s belated) to show them how much you care. 

5. Develop a routine. If you have ADHD, there’s a chance that time management and organizational skills aren’t your strong suits. But with a routine and proper planning, you can learn to manage your time, stay organized, and show your partner that you’re committed to the health of the relationship. Visual aids, cell phone reminders, and tracking apps can help you remain mindful of commitments.

6. Nurture your bond. People with ADHD tend to have a creative side, so use that energy to help deepen emotional intimacy with your partner. Whether it’s small gestures of gratitude, creating something unique to surprise your partner, or making time for activities you both enjoy, this can help your partner feel seen and appreciated. This can be especially important for couples who fall into a parent-child dynamic, where the non-ADHD partner adopts a more supervisory role, which can lead to resentment and imbalance in the relationship.

How can ADHD affect relationships?

Relationships are complex, especially when you factor in a mental health condition like ADHD. Here are some common relationship problems that can happen when one or both partners has ADHD.

Missed plans and forgotten promises

Someone with ADHD may fully intend to do something, like meet their partner for dinner or book concert tickets, but then later forget what they promised or discussed. Forgetfulness can also lead to more practical concerns, like neglecting household chores and bills or missing birthdays and special occasions. Eventually, this unintentional forgetfulness can make people feel dismissed and ignored. 

Communication issues 

ADHD can make it difficult for people to focus, which can come across as them being bored, distracted, or disinterested. People with ADHD may also be more likely to interrupt others or respond before people have a chance to finish their thought or question. This miscommunication can leave their partner and loved ones feeling unimportant. 

Emotional conflict

Many adults with ADHD have trouble managing their emotions in a healthy way. As a result, they may be prone to anger, jealousy, irritability, or anxiety — all of which can cause conflict and misunderstandings with their partner. This can also make it harder to collaboratively resolve conflict once it has started. 

Unpredictable behaviors 

It’s probably no surprise that acting without thinking first can cause problems in a relationship. For example, making an expensive purchase without consulting your partner may lead to an argument about finances. Or making an offhand comment without thinking of how it will affect someone can lead to hurt feelings. 

Craving new experiences

People with ADHD can have a hard time when relationships move past the early stages and into routine and familiarity. This is because their brains thrive on novelty and new experiences. So they may display novelty-seeking behaviors that can make their partner(s) feel left out. 

How therapy can help

If you’re concerned that ADHD is impacting your relationship, consider seeking mental health support. There are various treatment options to help people with ADHD improve their mental health, relationships, and overall quality of life. 

Talk therapy, including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), teaches people about the connection between their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. With the support of a trained therapist, someone with ADHD can learn how to identify unhelpful thought patterns and behaviors so they can replace them with more positive alternatives. 

Couples therapy is another option for people whose ADHD symptoms are starting to affect their relationships. By offering couples a safe and confidential space to discuss their relationship concerns, people can strengthen their connection and communication skills. In fact, data suggest that couples therapy has a positive impact on 70% of couples who receive treatment. 

Find care with Rula

Navigating ADHD with your partner can pose some unique challenges, but the diagnosis doesn’t have to define your relationship. With access to the right mental health resources and support, you can learn how to manage symptoms, improve your communication skills, and create a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

Rula gives you access to a therapist matching platform that allows you to find a therapist who specializes in whatever you’re dealing with. Plus, you can find someone who takes your insurance and can meet with you virtually, from the comfort of your home, as soon as tomorrow.

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