Impulse control and oversharing with ADHD

Most people overshare at times, often because they’re excited or misjudge the situation. While oversharing can come from a good place and isn’t always bad, it can lead to awkward moments, especially if the other person doesn’t share your excitement. 

People with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) might overshare more often as a way to connect, which can be linked to challenges with impulse control and self-regulation. For example, you might overhear someone next to you talking about a topic you’re passionate about and, without thinking, launch into a monologue about your interest. Then, you might realize several minutes later that the person doesn’t seem to share your excitement. 

Wanting to relate to others or be open is normal, but sometimes it’s better to hold back. Thankfully, if you have ADHD, there are tips and strategies to help you find a good balance in what you choose to share.

Why do people with ADHD tend to overshare?

On its own, oversharing is not a recognized symptom of ADHD. Many people who don’t have ADHD overshare at times. However, if a person tends to overshare frequently and it’s negatively impacting their life, it might be worth taking a closer look at the reason behind it. 

ADHD can affect people in many different ways throughout their lives. But one of the core features of ADHD is ongoing problems with impulsivity and self-control. In essence, oversharing occurs when a person reveals more personal information or thoughts than is appropriate for the situation, often without fully considering the impact of their words. It’s a form of impulsivity that can have both positive and negative outcomes. 

Is oversharing a negative ADHD trait?

ADHD is a form of neurodiversity. This means that if you have ADHD, your brain works a little differently than a person who doesn’t have ADHD. Neurodiversity can bring many wonderful gifts to your personal and professional life. But it can also create some challenges. This might leave you wondering if oversharing is one of those positive ADHD traits or something more negative. The answer lies in the context in which the oversharing happens and how you feel about it afterward. 

There will be times when a person with ADHD overshares because it’s a way for them to express their excitement at finding some common ground with someone else. Since ADHD can lead to social challenges for some people, oversharing might provide a much-needed opportunity for a person to feel connected. 

However, oversharing can become a negative ADHD trait if it causes unwanted outcomes for you or someone else. For example:

• Interrupting while someone else is talking or talking over someone else
• Sharing something traumatic or private with someone who hasn’t invited that information
• Posting highly personal details on social media, especially when it could compromise your safety

Another potential negative outcome of oversharing with ADHD is the experience of rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD). RSD causes intense emotional and physical discomfort in response to perceived judgment, criticism, or rejection. While not an officially recognized symptom, research indicates that it may be a common experience for people with ADHD. So if you have ADHD and realize you’ve overshared, you may be more likely to experience RSD.

Finding balance in sharing when you have ADHD

Strengthening your self-regulation skills can help you bring more balance to what you share. As a person with ADHD, you can do this by:

1. Knowing your triggers: Think about the situations in which you might be more likely to overshare. Maybe it’s when you’re stressed at work or with a certain person you love speaking to. When you’re about to enter those scenarios, take a deep breath, and try to pause before responding.
2. Reflecting on the past: Some people living with ADHD may struggle to access nonverbal memories. So give yourself time to reflect on instances in the past when you may have overshared. What happened? Thinking about those memories may help you feel more in control in the present.
3. Thinking about the future: If you struggle with oversharing, think about how your life would be different if you gained more control of your verbal impulses. For example, maybe your relationship with your partner would improve. This can provide some added motivation to work on your self-control.
4. Owning it: To avoid experiencing embarrassment or RSD, try to respond to oversharing by owning it and apologizing. You can even inject some humor or levity into the situation by saying something like, “So sorry for interrupting; sometimes my mouth works quicker than my brain!” 
5. Asking for help: If you find yourself in a pattern of oversharing that’s negatively affecting your life, relationships, or mental health, know that you’re not alone. It might be helpful to speak with a mental health professional who can help you learn skills to regulate your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Find care with Rula

Have you ever said the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong person? Or maybe you’ve blurted out something you wish you would have kept to yourself. If so, you’re far from alone. Oversharing is something everyone does from time to time. But if you have ADHD and you’re struggling with frequent oversharing or other forms of impulse control, help is available. 

At Rula, we work with an extensive network of therapists who specialize in treating mental health concerns of all kinds. When you need support, you can use our therapist-matching program to find an in-network therapist you can meet with via a convenient virtual appointment. In just a few minutes, you can find the right provider for your needs and make your first appointment as early as this week.

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